any 60+ hour a week moms?

wholenewworld · September 2013

Hi Ladies-

I don't post on this board often, but I'm wondering what your work/life balance is if you work 60+ hours a week. I'll be in my residency year next year and just trying to envision what that will look like. My DS will be ~18 months. I think that I will only actually be on service about 50 hours a week with additional projects taking 10-20 hours per week that would be flexible time/location. Do you prefer to spend less time with your kids but do so every day, or spend more time with them a few days a week and work 12-16 hour days the other days? I know it's definitely personal preference and what works for individual families, just trying to get a feel for what has worked for some.Thanks!

emberlee3 · September 2013

I had DS at the beginning of my 3rd (last) year of medicine residency. Working long hours was not too bad when he was a baby. I worked 80 hrs/week, with overnight call every 3rd or 4th night (30 hour shift), and I typically had 1 day off per week. I made up for lost time with DS by bedsharing.

The following year, after he turned 1, I tried working 12 hour shifts as a hospitalist. This was much more difficult with a toddler than an infant. I saw him for a few minutes in the morning before leaving for work, and he was usually asleep when I got home 13-14 hrs later. Bedsharing no longer worked for us, so I really missed out on time with him.

With 2 LOs, I am trying to adjust my workload to average 7-8 hour days (about 0.8 FTE), but I typically still work more than that most days.

Kmartinrvt13 · September 2013

With me I work 4 10s which really means 4 12s most weeks. I spend as much time with DD on my day off and weekends as I can! Working that much sucks but in my field I have to be there until late because of the letters behind my name. GL

jd614 · September 2013

I am not in medicine but when all is said and done i am gone 60-65 hrs per week. DS is only 7 mos but its very hard . I think if you can see them even for a bit each day and then cherish your weekends or days off that's what's best . Tonight I won't be home til late and I'm already sad knowing I won't see him

daisy662 · September 2013

I am not in medicine either but I travel for my job and I am gone typically 2-3 nights per week about 2-3 weeks per month. It is really hard for me and I am 20 weeks with my 2nd which I imagine won't make it easier once she comes.... I spend almost all my time with him on the weekends. We don't really do date nights and I don't get much time to myself as my choice because I'd rather spend my limited time with my boy.

alli2672 · September 2013

It's really hard. I had my first baby my third year of a psychiatry residency, so that wasn't too bad. The next year, I started a fellowship that required more hours, calls, weekends, etc. And I had another baby. That was really difficult, and I ended up not finishing it (although I would have if I had to). My husband was also a resident at the time, and we had no family around.

Check out the thread "interns" on mommd.

alli2672 · September 2013

Or don't worry about it.

It sucks, but there really isn't much you can do about it. Try to get a residency close to family if you can.

emberlee3 · September 2013

Just to clarify, working long days has not been good for my family, but I know plenty of parents who do it. DS just does better when I spend more time with him.

JJ_13 · September 2013

This is not me, but most people I know who do this (most of them are attorneys at big firms - I'm an attorney) do something like this: 8 - 9 hour days during work hours, do dinner and bedtime with the baby(ies), then another 2 - 3 hours at night. Then maybe 3 - 8 hours over the weekend during naps or some other activity when spouse can take them. I think having two parents with this schedule would be essentially impossible without live-in help.

SoMoNY · September 2013

With commute I'm out of the house most days 7-7 but I use some of my 1+ hour commute to do work on train to avoid staying in office. And after he goes to bed I might do some more to get a jump on the next day.

Pretty common schedule to what many friends in NYC area deal with

We get 2-3 hours with him at night and have action packed weekends to make up for time away M-F. And now and then we work from home if something special is going on.

traveltheworld · September 2013

JJ_13 said:

This is not me, but most people I know who do this (most of them are attorneys at big firms - I'm an attorney) do something like this: 8 - 9 hour days during work hours, do dinner and bedtime with the baby(ies), then another 2 - 3 hours at night. Then maybe 3 - 8 hours over the weekend during naps or some other activity when spouse can take them. I think having two parents with this schedule would be essentially impossible without live-in help.

I'm a corporate attorney in BigLaw and that's how I do it. My DH has a very normal 8 - 5 job though and handles a lot of the grocery shopping, errands etc. so that I can spend more quality time with DS. We also live near family that help a lot. I can't imagine both spouses working 60+ hour/week.

cecilyandgautam · September 2013

My dad worked a minimum of 60 hours a week in big law. He kept a schedule of getting in the office 5am and leaving at 5pm so he was home in time to help us with our homework; he did morning drop off at school once a week but otherwise, that was taken care of by the nanny. On weekends, he'd wake up early, like 4 or 5 and work until 8 or 9am. He was never big on sleep though.

drcolleen · September 2013

I had DD1 feb of PGY2 and it wasn't horrible but I don't remember a lot of things, we made it work.... some rotations were worse than others. I had DD2 as an attending, it was more guilt ridden as I felt more like I was making the "decision" to work longer hours over spending the time with my family which certainly wan't true it's just that the work load requires 10-11 hour days plus call. I coslept with each girl until they were 9mo so that was good, breastfed until they were 24mo and 16mo respectively so when I was home I was with them. DH doesn't work more then 20hrs/week out of the home - adjunct for community college- so we were able to keep the girls up later in the evening and they slept in with him, so that gave us more time too --though I've perhaps been sleep deprived for 5 years! Only recently have I been bringing some work home to do when the girls go to bed, now that DD1 is in preschool and their bedtime is earlier -- I think it's a lot more difficult this way, I'm far more productive with my "work" while at work (partly because of the computer connection to work programs though).

DS1 will be born then I go on terminal leave for the Army when he's 6mo and around 8 mo I start a new 4 day/week position with significantly less call and every 4th week off if I pull some ER shifts over a weekend. I was looking for a lifestyle position and think I found one. You have to do your time, however, then you can find the best solution for your family. You will survive as will your child. Be sure you take care of yourself too though.

kelly422 · September 2013

Not related to your question - I'm excited to see some other docs on here!

wholenewworld · September 2013

Thanks so much ladies! We'll make it through!

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