Daycare - issues or am I am being a nervous first timer?

bliss611 · September 2013

I feel like a wimp here... So I've been a SAHM for almost 2 years now. I want to go back to work but finding the right childcare (good care, affordable, hour I need) for my 3 year old has been awful. This neighborhood is very much SAHM oriented and 2-3 hour nursery schools are much more common. I thought I got it right and signed him up for DC & crossed our fingers he would be ok with sep anxiety. He wasn't half bad for the 2 hours we were there but I was there with him for his first day yesterday and I'm not feeling comfortable.

No one mentioned that the room is also used for wrap around care so 5 kids leave an hour after the room opens and then 4 different kids come in after nap time. I feel like it's revolving door and that would make adjustment really hard. DS has a very hard time with new things and what works is consistency. I am concerned this isn't doesn't provide a stable room.

Other problem is I chose this place because it allows outside food. DS is a picky eater and being hungry won't help his adjustment from home to DC. But yesterday they tell me I have to send lunch but they provide the snacks. I think morning will be ok whether he eats the snack or not but I'm very concerned about the afternoon - there's 6 hours between lunch and pick-up (and a littel more between pick up and dinner) and if he doesn't eat the snack they provide, that's a long time with no food.

Am I being crazy picky? Or should I be looking for options?

jnnfrrose6 · September 2013

You should go with your gut. If you aren't happy, then continue to look. I'm not sure how I'd feel about the "revolving door" feeling, but part of that would probably depend on how the DC providers handle it as far as integrating the short term kids with the group. There are always going to be some children who only come part time, so that becomes part of the "routine." It may have just felt like a revolving door because it was your first day. As for the food, our DC also has us bring lunch, but provides snacks, however we get a menu for the snacks so if there is a day LO wouldn't eat what they provide, I could bring an alternative. Is this an option for you? Honestly, though, I wouldn't worry about it. LO will eat if he's hungry, and watching others eat something he may not normally eat with you may entice him to try it.

SimpleJane · September 2013

I always say go with your gut. If you really feel uncomfortable, pull him.

That being said, I sah for 3 years before going back to work and putting my kids in daycare. I was sooo worried if DS would eat the food. He was so picky at home I was worried he would starve himself if they served him something he didn't like. He ended up doing just fine. He ate things at daycare that he would never try at home, mostly because his friends were eating it with him.

He also had kids in his class that came in after lunch from the preschool bus. My super consistency focused kid adapted to that change no problem. They usually end up being way more flexible than you think they will be.

bliss611 · September 2013

That's the thing about snacks - I asked if I could send Pediasure as a back up for days he won't eat the snack (no allergen issues that way) but they said no. They do snack communal style and think that's important enough that thy don't allow individual snacks. I just feel like because he's adjusting (new place & separation), he'll just cry more and feel worse about school if he's hungry.

LoCarb · September 2013

Write a list of items you are looking for in a DC environment. Then begin your search (again) if you are uncomfortable with the current DC. FWIW-DC providing ALL the food is a huge plus in my eyes assuming it is a nutritious menu. Kids will eat the food provided v enabling a picky eater.

The transition period will be an adjustment maybe a few days to a few weeks but you will have to let go. I prefer ripping the bandaid off method and dropping LO at school. If I were to stay the first day, DD would ask me to stay everyday. I don't think she will understand why I have to go work when I was able to stay before.

welly01 · September 2013

I wouldn't be happy with a daycare that wouldn't let me bring in my own food. Our daycare provides snacks that are just junk food to me (graham crackers, cookies, goldfish). So I always send a snack for DS. It would be a deal breaker if they said he has to eat this or he can starve. Definitely go with your gut. Maybe widen the search area for a daycare? Our daycare is in the town north of us which seemed really far, but really its just a few extra minutes to our commute.

bliss611 · September 2013

That;s the other thing that got me ad yesterday. They told us the first 2 dayss were 2-3 hours and we had to stay with them for it. So I had DS prepped, we're going to school and I'm staying. Then a little over an hour into it, they told the parents to leave. NOT good with kids you are trying to adjust - they need to know what to expect. I'd rather they just have started with us there. Instead of having me go when he expected me to stay.

jennyelf · September 2013

My child is in a daycare with 5 rooms of his age group. In the early morning and late afternoon, these rooms may be consolidated as ratios allow if there are fewer kids around. So my child often has new kids in his room or is moved to another room about an hour before pickup. I like it as it gives him a chance to know all of the kids in his age group and all of the teachers. This way most of the kids are used to all of the teachers and don't get upset if their primary teacher is sick or on vacation. So I don't find the "revolving door" an issue. Consistency is good, but a little bit of variety allows for more flexibility.

As for snack, I've seen that if all kids are being served the same thing and everyone else is eating it, even picky kids join in.

bliss611 · September 2013

welly01 said:

I wouldn't be happy with a daycare that wouldn't let me bring in my own food. Our daycare provides snacks that are just junk food to me (graham crackers, cookies, goldfish). So I always send a snack for DS. It would be a deal breaker if they said he has to eat this or he can starve. Definitely go with your gut. Maybe widen the search area for a daycare? Our daycare is in the town north of us which seemed really far, but really its just a few extra minutes to our commute.

THAT! Their answer is that he will get used to it. No one seems to address what about until then? and what if he doesn't some days? there's a sense of trust us, he will.

emberlee3 · September 2013

I would give it some time and see how it goes. Missing a snack here and there is not going to hurt him. Give him something in the car or as soon as you get home, if you're worried. My son is very cautious/picky eater. He was on a hunger strike for the first 2 weeks at his new school. We all survived and he loves his school.

ASmallWonder · September 2013

I always advocate for trusting your gut but two thoughts on the food - The first is that missing a snack won't make him "starve." If you're not ok with him missing the snack, that's your right but kids can miss entire actual meals and be none the worse for it. Second, daycare can be a wonderful tool in breaking picky eating behaviors. It's not fool proof but in this case, peer pressure can be a wonderful thing so you might give it some time to see if he may adjust. My son eats things at school that I can't get him to eat at home and many parents will tell you the same thing.

FemShep · September 2013

In general, I say trust your gut, but I really don't think the issues you bring up are unusual or serious. I've found with both DDs that it's great for them to have the center snacks; they end up trying new foods they'd never try at home, and because they eat with their friends, they get a chance to practice manners and social skills. Your son won't starve, I promise, and he'll likely try some great new food.

For the wrap-around care, every DC I've ever known does that; in the early morning and late afternoon, it just makes sense to consolidate the rooms.

EastCoastBride · September 2013

FemShep said:

In general, I say trust your gut, but I really don't think the issues you bring up are unusual or serious. I've found with both DDs that it's great for them to have the center snacks; they end up trying new foods they'd never try at home, and because they eat with their friends, they get a chance to practice manners and social skills. Your son won't starve, I promise, and he'll likely try some great new food.

For the wrap-around care, every DC I've ever known does that; in the early morning and late afternoon, it just makes sense to consolidate the rooms.

I agree w/ this. And to add- the fact that kids come and go - that WILL become the "routine" for your DS. He will get used to some kids leaving and other kids coming in later.

JJ_13 · September 2013

bliss611 said:

That;s the other thing that got me ad yesterday. They told us the first 2 dayss were 2-3 hours and we had to stay with them for it. So I had DS prepped, we're going to school and I'm staying. Then a little over an hour into it, they told the parents to leave. NOT good with kids you are trying to adjust - they need to know what to expect. I'd rather they just have started with us there. Instead of having me go when he expected me to stay.

This is a much bigger issue for me. I think daycares should have open-door policies. Parents can (within reason) stay for as long or as short a time as they wish. I guess if this was an official first day for lots of kids, that makes more sense - but if it was your LO's first time and all the other kids were already established there, then you should be able to stay as long as you feel it is in your LO's best interest.

I wouldn't worry about the wrap around kids.

As for snacks, that would annoy me that they won't let you send your own snacks, but if their snacks were nutritious, I would overlook that issue. Your kid won't starve. Now, if they wanted to provide them with gummy bears and cookies for snack time, I would take my LO elsewhere.

lujain · September 2013

The wrap around kids are a non-issue for me. You're never going to find a daycare with the same exact kids there every hour that your kid is there. No big deal, so long as there is adequate staff to care for the kids. Your kid will probably accept without question that Kids X, Y, and Z head to the Whatever Room after a while because that's the way it's always been.

The snack issue should not be a deal breaker either, in my opinion. Like many kids, my daughter has a long list of foods she will not touch. She has tried some new things (like pasta) at preschool, but she has not budged on things like yogurt or applesauce. I am particularly sensitive about my kid being hungry. I had IUGR, intrauterine growth restriction, meaning that she was not getting enough food in utero, but I am okay if she is served a snack that she doesn't want to eat. She's still fine. I always carry non-perishable snacks like raisins or crackers in my car, so if DD is really hungry at pickup she can eat in the car. And I always pack her favored foods for lunch. So it's not like she's going the entire day without food.

EMOmamma · September 2013

I also agree with trusting your mama gut but seriously, nothing you mentioned would even be a blip on my radar.
I don't think you're giving your kid enough credit - he will adapt to seeing different kids, eating different foods, sleeping in a different place. Trust that you're leaving him in a safe place and give it a shot.

Tink112011 · September 2013

elmoali said:

I always advocate for trusting your gut but two thoughts on the food - The first is that missing a snack won't make him "starve." If you're not ok with him missing the snack, that's your right but kids can miss entire actual meals and be none the worse for it. Second, daycare can be a wonderful tool in breaking picky eating behaviors. It's not fool proof but in this case, peer pressure can be a wonderful thing so you might give it some time to see if he may adjust. My son eats things at school that I can't get him to eat at home and many parents will tell you the same thing.

I agree with this. One thing I love about DS going to daycare is that he eats he eats a much wider variety of food than what he woudl eat at home.

boggs507 · September 2013

I obviously don't know your DS, but faced the same nerves when I switched my DS from an in-home provider to a daycare. I think you'll be surprised what kids will do when they're at daycare just because the other kids are doing it too. DS had never napped outside a crib/pnp, but at daycare the toddlers napped on cots - was never an issue for him because all he other kids were doing it too. He's also a pretty picky eater at home, but will eat all kinds of things at daycare because everyone else is doing it too.

He may have been apprehensive to join in because you were with him - he still had that security there. Obviously, you need to go with your gut, but if you're ruling a center out based on food reasons alone...I think you should stick it out for a few days first and see how it goes.

As far as the separation anxiety - DS has been at the same center for a year now and we still have occasional mornings where he cries when I leave, but when I go to pick him up in the afternoons you can tell that he had a great time! Sometimes when I pick him up he's so busy playing that it takes him a minute to even realize I'm there.

preggersin2011 · September 2013

hocus said:

Overall nothing you mentioned would bother me.

My kids sometimes interact with the other classes and it has never been an issue for them. I send nothing to daycare and my kid gets hungry some days. She's fine and hasn't lost any weight. Learning that you get hungry when you refuse to eat is an important lesson. If it really bothers you I'd ask if you can send in something, but they might say no because they want the kids to not have a choice since it creates issues.

I offer both kids fruit pouches at pick up so they aren't crazy hungry before dinner and there are plenty of things you could bring that you could tuck into a purse and offer for the drive home.

This! plus it gets harder when everyone has something different, no kids wants to eat because of jealousy issues. As long as you are comfortable with the food options, ie are they 'healthy' or 'junk' then i wouldn't worry. I send in two snacks and lunch to day care- i wont let her eat their lunch and only let her have limited items off of their snack menu. I hear from parents all the time that their kid was hungry. My friends that have spent time in europe say most of the places their child was in was a eat or starve situation and their kids never starved.
I keep a back up snack in the car for the ride home.

Mjmksb04 · September 2013

I am another who thinks that neither of those would be a deal breaker. Really, the snack issue is no big deal to me. My DS is a picky eater and I don't even look at his preschool snack menu, he can eat it, or not. He isn't going to starve. And I always carry a snack in the car so when I pick hin up, he can have a little something right away if he needs it.

Mustardseed2007 · September 2013

I actually really wouldn't like the "wrap around care" that you describe either. For a 3 year old I think that kind of environment would be hard to be in.

The snack thing, I would just say NBD and he will absolutely adjust and not starve or die or be harmed by it, but the structure of the DC does not sound good to me.

Basically, if you aren't happy, though, I would look for a new center, as PP suggested.

shannm · September 2013

FemShep said:

In general, I say trust your gut, but I really don't think the issues you bring up are unusual or serious. I've found with both DDs that it's great for them to have the center snacks; they end up trying new foods they'd never try at home, and because they eat with their friends, they get a chance to practice manners and social skills. Your son won't starve, I promise, and he'll likely try some great new food.

For the wrap-around care, every DC I've ever known does that; in the early morning and late afternoon, it just makes sense to consolidate the rooms.

I agree. Your LO is three, assuming he doesn't have developmental delays or social delays, he will be fine getting used to a new snack routine and meeting new people throughout the day.

laurakaz13 · September 2013

EMO-mamma said:

I also agree with trusting your mama gut but seriously, nothing you mentioned would even be a blip on my radar. I don't think you're giving your kid enough credit - he will adapt to seeing different kids, eating different foods, sleeping in a different place. Trust that you're leaving him in a safe place and give it a shot.

All of this exactly. Especially the bolded. And no kid ever "starved" from missing snack. My 2 yr old skips meals all the time. She's just fine.

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