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July 2012 Moms
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Bonfire?

GreenMonkey1GreenMonkey1 member
in July 2012 Moms
My inlaws love bonfires.  I love bonfires too (particularly the s'mores part), but don't like bonfires with DS around.  He's a toddler so the big pit of fire is awesome and all he wants to do is go and touch.  Inlaws had us over for dinner a couple of weeks ago and lit the bonfire, after continuously chasing DS away from the fire I just went inside with him.  Having to say "no" over and over again was just pissing him off and he is just still too young to really get why I don't want him in the fire.

Fast forward.  We're going over to inlaws again next weekend and they have already said they want to have a bonfire again.  I'd like to just leave when they light the fire, it is way too much stress to chase DS away from the fire and he gets angry because I keep saying "no".  MIL says she'll just tell DS "no" and he'll get it and not try to touch the fire (she lives in a strange reality).  In actuality, likely me or DH  will be away from the rest of the group with DS in the house - FIL hurt his back and cannot lift DS, MIL will want to be out at the bonfire and she has every right, and SIL has no experience with kids or DS so I don't feel comfortable with her alone with him yet.  I don't like the idea because if the point of this shindig is (as my MIL says) to get the family together, why have an even the whole family cannot attend?  Plus, last weekend was stressful and I would prefer to avoid the stress again.  DH and I disagree about this one.  I would prefer to just leave when they light the fire (it'll be after dinner so we'd have already socialized for a while).  Last weekend didn't go well so I don't know why DH thinks magically, two weeks later, we'll have a different result.

Anybody have other options or thoughts?  I don't think I'm being a pita, but fully acknowledge I am frustrated with MIL about safety issues in general.  There have to be other options, but I am out of ideas.
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Re: Bonfire?

  • aylafsu88aylafsu88 member

    mrsrek10 said:
    I have no other ideas but wanted to say that I would not want my fast moving toddler around a big ass fire either! I don't think you are being unreasonable feeling that way. Hopefully, your husband will understand soon.
    I agree.  It concerns me that your H and MIL don't understand why you are worried about the situation.  I agree with PPs, socialize before dinner and leave once they light the fire. 
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  • KarmBKarmB member
    Do you just say no or other stuff? No wont get Lilah to stop but Dangerous and Hot gets her to stop after she points at the fire and says pretty lol

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  • GreenMonkey1GreenMonkey1 member
    Thanks, I am not objective so it is good to hear some objective input.  DH thinks we can just leave DS inside and people can rotate in to take care of him.  Which to me, defeats the purpose, separates DS (he is old enough to notice), and is stressful.  Plus, I know MIL will bring him out.  She already told DH that she'll just tell him "no" because "DS listens to Grandma".  Other than wanting to poke an eye out with that comment, it's pretty par for the course.  MIL thinks that DS gets more than he really does - I am glad she thinks he is so smart, but seriously, he's 13 months.  Her latest story was about how she is teaching him not to eat wood chips - short version - she put the wood chips in front of his mouth and said something really long that equates to  "these aren't food, we hold wood chips we don't eat wood chips" then put them in front of her mouth and said the same thing.  DS then tried to shove the wood chips in her mouth.  This means (obviously) that he understood what she said and won't eat wood chips!  Ummmmmmm.  MIL thinks also that as long as she is with him nothing will happen so she does things that are really not all that safe.  I cannot tell you how many times I have told her the point is that I don't want him to choke/cut off a finger/eat glass/etc at all, not that she be with him when he does so.  

    @hijinx Theoretically, yes, we could put DS down at inlaws - they have a full nursery (seriously, it is nicer than DS' real one at home).  But thehy'll want to start the bonfire at 7 ish and that is way too early for him to go down, he is an 8:30-9 o'clock bedtime boy - 8 at the earliest if he's had a really busy day.

    @andreab7412 That is my thought, we go a little earlier so we can see them before dinner, have dinner, then head home when they light the fire.

    @amilyn9785@heatherbee710  No backback leash for us, I'm not a huge fan (not to say they do not work for other families).  He's not really good with being restrained, he'll hang in the wagon for a walk, but not so much the stroller anymore.  About 1/4 way through he'll want to get out and push.

    @KarmB Yes, I say "hot fire" since we use "hot stove" to get him from not touching the stove/oven.  He gets it, but just keeps going back and that was the problem last weekend, having to continuously say "no, hot" and redirect.  Eventually he got pissed and I took him inside.  Too much temptation for a little guy.

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  • KarmBKarmB member
    what a special little snowflake ;-) either get the leash or leave then.

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  • DeniseRNDeniseRN member
    There's no way that I would let Hunter attend a bonfire. The first reason is obviously the burn risk. Second is the smoke inhalation. Tell your MIL no. You are the kids mom and advocate. Step up now or forever be walked over and second guessed by your MIL
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  • britbratjfbritbratjf member
    edited September 2013
    Going off of DeniseRN's comment....my first concern about a bonfire would be all the smoke. I mean sure I could spend my night chasing my kid away from the pretty fire and having her throw a tantrum (fun times) but I wouldn't want her breathing in all that smoke at this point in her life. I mean yeah it's a bonfire not cigarettes but personally after spending the evening around a bonfire my clothes and hair stink and my lungs are a little sore from breathing in all the smoke....I wouldn't want my 1 year old around that unnecessarily. I think your instincts are right in that you should go, socialize, eat dinner and leave when the bonfire starts. edit: after a quick google I found this information on the health effects of wood smoke that you might find useful in arguements: https://ehhi.org/woodsmoke/health_effects.shtml
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  • GreenMonkey1GreenMonkey1 member
    edited September 2013
    @DeniseRN Didn't even think about the smoke inhalation, very good point.  @britbratjf Thanks for the link!

    @SunshineLady6 I do not particularly care what my MIL thinks when it comes to DS' safety.  MIL has been crazy annoying lately so I wanted to throw the question out to see if I was just being a pita about the bonfire.  DH and I disagree on the solution.
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  • GreenMonkey1GreenMonkey1 member
    @SunshineLady6 LOL, thanks for the offer.  Congrats on expecting!
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