Working Opposite Shifts?

KatLuv926 · September 2013

I've been SAH for about a year, looking to go back to work. MH is in retail management so basically makes his own schedule - he can work any day and could do second shift schedule. For financial reasons, and because DD has some special needs, it seems it would be better for us to try to alternate work schedules rather than find outside care at this time.

If you and DH work opposite shifts:

1) What are your professions?

2) What is your schedule?

3) Do you like it/ Is it worth it to you?

oandmplus1 · September 2013

I work 8 to 5 and DH works 2 to midnight or so. DH gets up at 7 when I leave and takes care of DD until 1:30 when he leaves for work. DD has a babysitter until I get home at 5:30. DD also has special needs and we have to do this so DH can take her to therapy every morning.

I am a dietitan in a hospital type setting and DH is a supervisor in a manufacturing plant.

Honestly, I hate it. I hate doing dinner, bath and bedtime alone every night and I miss my DH, but it is the only way we can get my DD the therapy she needs so in the end it is worth it.

Sunidaze · September 2013

DH is a cop, working thirds - 4 days on/2 days off, 11p-7a and I am in HR M-F 8a-5p are my core hours although often it is longer (and the occasional time on the weekend). We do daycare full time...we very very briefly considered the alternative...but wasn't good for us and I see another couple in pretty much the same exact situation as us doing this and from an outside perspective, doesn't appear that it is working as well as you would think. DH has considered going to second shift, but in reality, that would be the worst choice for us as the LO and I would never see him and it would leave the burden of care on me.

amberdt03 · September 2013

My husband is a firefighter and works every third day. I'm a paramedic and work 3 days a week from 1p-1a. I can pick my schedule, so I don't work on the days he's on shift. It's been kinda hard on my husband so I'm conisdering going back to night shift so I can stay home more during the day so all my husband has to do is bedtime with little one.

Maybride2 · September 2013

I think it would suck to never see your spouse and essentially be a single parent. I see doing it if there are no other options, but can't imagine actually choosing to live that way.

ASmallWonder · September 2013

Unless at least one of you is only part time (or one of you has a job that has actual night hours like a nurse) there is no true "opposite shifts" that would save you from any outside help. Whether it's a friend, family or a babysitter, you'll almost definitely have some overlap of commute and actual work hours. And even with "true" overnight hours, there's still a chance of some overlap depending on the commute. My SIL works nights but they still have a nanny because her shift ends at 7am but her DH has to leave by 7am to get to work, kwim?

Five Months to Plan · September 2013

We have sort of done this for part of DD's life. DH used to travel all summer ( I am a teacher with that time off.) and then he was mostly able to work from home in evenings the rest of the year. Since he was working from home he eats dinner with us 75% of the time and helps with bedtime 90% of the time. Other than that though he would be in the office from the time I walked in the door till after I went to bed. He was come up to eat and go back to office and the same for bedtime. I found this to be really stressful on our marriage. My mom and MIl now help 3-4 days a week. So there are still 2-3 days a week and then sometimes Saturday where we still do not see each other, because he is working in his office all evening. It is not every day though. We do totally save on child care, but it has really been rough especially when DD was an infant. We have lots of family help though so we made it work. It is not for everyone though, and I know for us if we did not have family to help when things come up, people get sick, appointment, etc we would not have been able to do it.

jasnem · September 2013

I am teacher and work 6-3:30. My husband is a correctional officer and works 1:30-10:30. We love it, but his schedule just switched because he got a promotion and now he works Thursday-Monday which kinda sucks.

It's great for our daughter. She only goes to daycare 3-4 hours 3 days a week (my DH has a long commute). My husband loves the extra time with her. We don't get as much time together that we like, but we make it a priority to have date night or morning every other week. We were used to this schedule for a couple years before our daughter was born, so I was used to being home at night alone.

Whenever we have baby #2 we are planning on hiring a housekeeper and landscaper to make everything more manageable. Once the kids are in school, he will switch to first shift, but while our kids are young this schedule works out great for us!

LoCarb · September 2013

@tangerine01-do you have a caregiver while you are WFH? I can't imagine as LO grows older and demands more attention you can focus on work.

OP- Make sure you fit in time with your spouse.

kristennd · September 2013

We've been doing this all along (LO is almost 2.5) and it has evolved.

We were also already doing it pre-baby, so that removed part of the adjustment. My workplace is open M-F, 8-5, so my hours are pretty fixed. DH's position has always been evenings/weekends. There could be daytime openings in the future but it would pay less than daycare (we're both in warm fuzzy what-we-majored-in fields that don't pay worth a darn) so it's kind of moot.

We have ways of staying in contact with each other. We were already used to opposite shifts and we'd also done a year of living on opposite coasts. So that can be managed.

The parenting without help, however, was much more difficult. The sleep issue alone. He'd come home six hours before I had to go to work and we'd basically each take 3 hours. However, that was the first year and you've already gotten through that.

DH does work fewer overnight shifts than he used to, as we both realized we needed more sleep and more tag teaming time. Also we just have one car, so him working all day both Saturday and Sunday made errands super difficult. Also limited what I could do to keep LO entertained. So now he doesn't go to work Sunday until 8pm. A significant financial hit but the reduced stress was worth it to us.

The biggest advantage has been DH getting so much time with LO. I don't think LO would have been any worse off in daycare, but it's been better for DH, and it's been better for me in terms of ending up with an actual parenting partner who does just as much and who can relate to it all.

Oh, housework. No one ever managed housework. We're just now hitting independent play. But at least we each realized why it wasn't happening because we were both experiencing those days.

cedenton · September 2013

My DH is a cop and he works 12 hour shifts. He works night shift every other month (6:30-6:30). I work 8-5. We have full time daycare, because we can't rely on him actually being off on his day off (court) and he does some side work so he's not necessarily OFF on his days off. I don't like night shift and neither does he. He never gets enough sleep and we barely see eachother. He might go a couple of days without seeing DS for more than a few minutes. I would never choose it. I don't know how extreme your son's special needs are, so that makes a big difference.

SnowOwl7 · September 2013

My DH and I have had opposing schedules from the time we were dating. It sucks at times and other times it really works for us. I work 7am-3:30pm (1.5 hr commute each way that includes drop off) DH works 7pm-3:30am but we have a side business that he manages from 10 am-5pm. So he's barely around and we see each other 2x a week. His weekends are Sundays and Mondays. He helps out when he can and soaks in daddy daughter time when he is home. I'm lucky my parents are our daycare provider. I wish in the evenings when I am completely drained I would have help with baths or tantrums but I make the most of the time I have with my LO since I only see her for 3 hours before she goes to bed. I hope things get a little less chaotic bc DD is 9.5mths and baby#2 is coming in April and I won't be able to handle it all on my own...I don't think.

CarrieB. · September 2013

We do it. I work 7:30am-4:30pm as a communications consultant. DH works 2 part time jobs. Job 1 is at a call center, 20 hours a week, Sunday mornings, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday evenings. Job 2 is in arts writing. He does some work from home and is out for shows 1 to 3 additional nights a week.

It is hard, but worth it for us. DH has always worked at least some evenings since we met, so I'm used to it. And he loves being home w DD during the day. My job is flexible too, so I can work from home or flex hours if needed.

rab41380 · September 2013

My husband works 2-12 off fri, sat, and sun...right now I work part time and work on fri and sat out of the home since he is off. But I am ging back to 40 hour reg scheduled day hours soon and we like his schedule cause ds only has to go to daycare 1/2 days and hubby drops dd off at school in the mornings.

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