NICU Experience

andthatmakes4 · September 2013

My little boy has been in the NICU for almost two weeks and has awhile to go I assume. I was just wondering what everyone's NICU experiences were like (how often and for how long did you visit, did you hold every time, kangaroo care, how often you called to check on baby, etc). I feel a little lost on what I'm supposed to do. I have a 23 month old that is home with me right now and an 11 year old that just started middle school. I want so badly to be with my new baby but am not cleared to drive yet and have to find a babysitter for my little girl who is still very clingy after my hospital stay kept me gone from her so long. I'm hoping this gets some easier once I can start driving again. At least, one hurdle will be overcome. Thanks for any input you ladies have.

flerlgirl · September 2013

I was there every day except for one when I was sick. I got there around 12 and stayed until 7 or 8. My husband joined me after work around 5 or 6.

It is such a hard balance to figure out what is best for you. Whatever you wind up doing just remember that your baby knows you love him so much even if you can't make it every day. It was hard for me and I don't have other kids so I can only imagine the extra stress you have. Just do what you can and your kids will know they are loved.

flerlgirl · September 2013

Oh, we couldn't do kangaroo care until he was a few weeks old and then we did it every other day until he was more stable and we could do every day. And I called usually every night if I was up to see how he was.

jcsntms06 · September 2013

My oldest was 2.5 when my youngest arrived. After I was discharged I had my aunt take me to the hospital each morning. We keep my oldest in daycare during the NICU stay and during my maternity leave. I would leave the NICU around 3 and head to DC to pick my oldest. Then at night my hubby would head to the NICU to see the baby. This worked for us for the 2 week NICU stay.

Praying that your LO has an uneventful NICU stay.

jbranden12 · September 2013

Our NICU had all-private rooms with 24/7 access where it was possible for one parent to sleep on the pullout couch. We have no other living children and I was able to take FMLA so I was there all day every day and my husband and I took turns spending the night.

On the flip side, because we could be there all the time, we felt we had to be there all the time. Of course we never wanted to leave her, but we also needed time together to process what was happening and lean on each other for support. We spent only a few nights at home together during the 83 days she was in the NICU, and most of those were because I needed help after my c-section. I don't know that I would do it differently, but it was definitely rough.

Is it possible for you to spend time at the NICU when your daughter is asleep? Like later in the evening and at night? I definitely loved how much quieter and calmer the NICU was at night. Much better for kangaroo care and learning to breastfeed.

Pips09 · September 2013

I went everyday, sometimes for a couple of hours, sometimes for several hours. I was dependent on family and friends to drive me for the first couple of weeks because I couldn't drive after surgery. Someone would take me over during the day, and my H would come after work and we'd leave together. However, I don't have other children, so I didn't have to balance my time and meet the needs of others. You are going to have to balance what feels right to you.

I was able to do kangaroo care on day 2, but we could only hold her for 20 minutes at a time, a couple of times a day, for the first couple of days. Later, I would hold her on my chest for hours. Good luck to you!

Brummy14 · September 2013

I was out on leave, so I basically spent all my time in the NICU -- essentially a 9-5 schedule. I wish I had attempted and/or mastered in-the-car pumping during that time-frame, but I hadn't (it would have helped me multitask so much better!). I left a little before rush hour, since it was a 30ish minute drive from home.

I kangarooed at least one of them almost every day. The challenge was getting it in between bottle feeds and pumping sessions -- never an easy task. DD2 was really unstable during kangarooing, so she was often taken from me after a few minutes because she was desat like crazy. But, we always kept trying!

We always called right around 10PM -- which was when I would pump before heading up to bed (only to be up to pump at 1 and 4 again. Ugh. I don't miss that) -- to check in with the night nurse and see how the 8/9PM feedings had gone, along with anything else.

What works for you will be unique, so figure it out by some trial and error. Because DH was at work, I found that being at home alone was unbearable. I hated it. While being in the NICU for endless hours was draining, it was better than not.

kari.sandall · September 2013

My husband worked from his laptop whenever he could. We went up twice a day (1hour each way) for a few hours each time. We always showed up for the twins' care so we could help with them, feed them(when they were ready) and do kangaroo care. We would each hold a baby in the morning than switch and hold the other at night. It got harder for the 1 week that our daughter was home and our son was still there. At that point we took turns and only went up once a day (if I went up in the morning, my husband would go at night).

There was a family that was there for all their son's cares and I always felt horrible because I couldn't do that. Physically I couldn't be there that much. You need to do what works for you and your family.

andthatmakes4 · September 2013

Thank you all for your replies and encouragement. I'm spending 2-3 hours a day up there right now and wish it could be more. I appreciate everything you guys have said.

direy25 · September 2013

We were 4 hours away from the NICU so I also stayed at the Ronald McDonald house and H commuted on the weekends. During the 68 day stay, I was there every day except for 2 days that I went home. I kangarooed every day once he was strong enough to handle it. He loved his kangaroo time, we'd usually do a full 3 hours.

This is our first child so I can't imagine what it's like to try and balance NICU time and time with your other children. Like PP's said, don't feel guilty. You have to do what's best for your entire family. I hope your stay is short and that you get to bring your LO home soon!

+ASH+ · September 2013

My experience was very lonely and isolated. I was two hours away from my family (at the best hospital around). After I was discharged, I floated around from hotels, to sleep rooms in the hospital, to the Ronald McDonald house. I would get to the Nicu at about 9:00 a.m. Everyday and leave before they locked the main doors at 10:00 p.m. However, my kids were older and understood where I was. I did go home for a couple of nights after I nearly had a breakdown and my husband and the nurse practitioner talked me into taking a break for a few days. It was hard, but I was able to read my kids bedtime stories, tuck them in, go eat with them at school, and generally recharge. I went back fresh and was in a much better place for the remainder of the stay. The days I was gone, I called once or twice per shift. The best advice I can give - find out what works best for you.

niftychick29 · September 2013

Our little guy was in the NICU for three weeks. For the first week, I was also still in the hospital, recovering from severe pre-e/HELLP, waiting for the docs to get my blood pressure under control. I was supposed to stay in bed and get as much rest as possible, but the docs also understood I wanted to see our baby, so my husband and I would usually go downstairs to the NICU for feedings, at least once during the morning or afternoon (our son was on a schedule of 12, 3, 6, 9 for eating) and then we would go down for the 9pm feeding each evening to help with whatever we could (diapers, weighing, etc) and hold him after he ate. (We tried breastfeeding right away, and while my son was up for it, I was not able to produce any milk, even after weeks of pumping.) When I was discharged, I was still supposed to take it pretty easy, so I would usually drive myself to the hospital and stay for a couple hours during the day (our hospital is about 20 min. away), then come home and rest, then when my husband got home from work we would eat a quick dinner and then go hang out in the NICU for a few hours until after the 9pm feeding. No matter what happened during the day, I really wanted to be there each night to say good-night to our baby, so that's what we did. We did some kangaroo care the last week and a half or so that he was there, once or twice a day for however long he wanted to. I think there was only one day that we weren't able to come, and it was because of snow and scary icy roads, but we were able to check on him over the phone and the nurses assured us that he would be okay without us risking our lives to drive to see him. We had great nurses in the NICU and they would call if anything was out of the ordinary...luckily we had a pretty uneventful stay.

I agree with what others have said, find out what works best for you. This is our first baby, so I don't have any other kids at home, and I was also recovering from some pretty serious stuff after the HELLP and C-section, so this was just our personal experience. I'm sure you will find a routine that is best for you and baby, and I hope you have a short NICU stay!

vulpini · September 2013

LO was there for a little over 2 weeks. The first week I stayed in the hospital, first as a patient, and then as a "nursery mom" in an unused room. I'd go in every 3 hours to feed, then go back to my room to pump, rest, eat, etc. DH would come in the morning around 10am and stay until about 9pm. The second week there wasn't a spare room for me anymore, so I'd go home to sleep. DH and I would come in at 8am and stay until around 8:30-9pm to do 5 feedings at 3-hour increments followed by pumping. In between the feeding/pumping/cuddling sessions we would hang out in the waiting room, have our meals, take walks, shop for what we still needed for him, call family with updates. The nurses fed him at night and I pumped at home twice each night. We were lucky to both have time off from work and no other kids or commitments so we could be at the hospital all day.

takmjs · September 2013

We live 90 minutes from the hospital/NICU, so we would go up once a day and stay for three feedings (1:00, 4:00, & 7:00), then drive home. I did pump in the car when my husband and i went up. When he had to work, my MIL & FIL would drive me up, leave after a couple hours, and then my DH would come up and drive me home. We missed a couple days of her 7 week stay due to a cold I got and bad winter weather. I'm trying to figure out how it might have to go next time, if I have another preemie in the NICU or hospital bed rest again, since I know it will be doubly tough with a toddler and a baby. I plan to ask for help from family as soon as I tell them I'm pregnant (TTC starting this month, DD is 20 months). If you have family willing or friends or coworkers, ask for help!

amaliaramirez · September 2013

Our baby girl Holly was born April 9, 2013 (at 27 weeks) and was in the NICU for almost 3 months, and we lived just over an hour away. I have three other kids at home as well, so it was pretty rough. We tried going once a day even if it was for only an hour or so, and called every shift to get all her stats, weight, how many ml of milk she took, etc. I would kangaroo hold her any chance I got; sometimes it felt like that was the only thing I could do for her. It will get easier, I promise. Stay strong...

staceymack · September 2013

Like others mentioned, you do what is best for you and your family. My twins were born at 33 weeks 4days and spent two weeks in nicu. We've been home a week today. My husband was able to take the time off with me so I was able to go everyday. Don't be afraid to call as often as you need for updates. Also, you can ask to have the neonatologist or their assistant (PA or nP) that's following your baby to call you with updates, plan of care, etc. The nurses will take very good care of your little one. Do you have friends or family with children you could leave your daughter with for a play date while you go visit baby?

mrs_chewie · September 2013

My NICU stay sound a lot like the other ladies here. I was fortunate to live 5 minutes from the hospital. When I was still in the hospital I wasn't able to go as frequently since I was still in pretty bad shape. Once I was released, we started going for the day time feedings, then I slept as much as I could to recover. After a few days I "went to work" at the NICU, 9-9 with my DH dropping me off and picking me up after his workday. While there, I held, changed, fed, pumped...pretty much everything I could. I had amazing nurses that gave me authority and support when I needed it. It was hard at first because they were in the incubators, but once they went to open air cribs, I was hands on.

SweetPeaKate · September 2013

DS was a 30 weeker. For about a month, they would only let him be held once a day, so I waited until DH was home and could go (we aimed for 8pm). I never called and checked in and didn't start going twice a day until the last few weeks when we were trying to work on breastfeeding and latching. Your new baby doesn't know if you are there or not. Only you do. Nobody will look down on you or say you are a bad mom if you aren't there all the time. You will find a balance that works for you and your family.

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