Blended Families

I'm upset :(

I went to a family get together at my aunts house. She usually has one once a year. My SM hates me for no reason and has my dad by the balls. I grew up living with them but she hates me. Usually if I go to my aunts my SM doesn't go. Last year (I think) we happend to both go and I said hello and asked her how she was. She said fine and said nothing else. Didn't acknowledge my kids nothing. I asked ( i know...sad) my dad last week if it was ok if I went today and he said yes. Today when I got there she didn't say a word to me and disappeared for a good 30 minutes. My little sister told me when I pulled up SM looked at my dad and said "forget to tell me something?". I have tried with this woman I have invited her to all my big life events and everything. At 26 years old rejection still hurts. Then driving home SS's BM texts me asking if she can have SS tomorrow from 11-7. Ummm what? She hasn't seen him since January. We told her it wasn't really fair she wasn't giving any notice but yeah she could come get him. She said she was living back in our town. I asked her Iif she wanted to get him tonight and she said sure so she has him now. She doesn't tell anything unless we ask so I got that moving back wasn't planned, she wants to see him on a regular basis, and she is living with her inlaws. If she does see SS regularly it will be good for him but I'm sure it's only a matter of time before she flakes out. I feel so torn because yes I need a break from SS but I HATE that she is back. I really wanted her to stay gone for forever. This is too much emotional crap for one day. I need a drink.
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Re: I'm upset :(

  • I tried to put paragraphs so wtf?! Sorry.
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  • That is an awful day and you deserve a few drinks. First, your SM sucks. Unless you did something so awful to her like trying to kill her first born child, she needs to get over it. Is she the same way with your sister? Has she ever told you why she treats you that way? I'm not saying it is right by any means, but that kind of animosity takes a lot of energy and somehow she convinced herself you deserve it. I can't imagine how hard it is for you, but just try to remember that her behavior says far more about her then it does about you. Secondly, don't let her decide whether you get to see your family or not. You have every right to be at your aunt's house. It is your family too. Take away her power to effect you by making your own decisions. As for SS's BM, don't borrow trouble. Take it a day at a time and see what happens. I realized that if I start letting myself worry about one thing, I will start worrying about everything. Hope you have a better day....
    "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." ~ Lao Tzu
  • I am not saying that you did anything like this however, my H's daughter had said some very disturbing things to her therapist about me and this warranted a "well being call" to MH and I warning of some possible un-faltered legal claims that her therapist was afraid that she would say about me, in order to "hurt" me (serious enough of claims to send me to jail).  She also warned us not allow her to be in our home alone, or be around our dog because she "may" harm him.  We are now expecting a LO of our own and MH and I are in 100% agreement that she will never be allowed around our LO without my husband present.  She has a half brother, her BM and step-father had a child, and she first pushed him down the stairs before he was 9 months old (claimed it was an accident but she was laughing when she told us about it).

    Unfortunately, outpatient therapy did not work and D is now in a mental hospital, hoping she will get the help she needs.  That being said, I do not think I will ever be able to be at a family event with her and be "normal" and act like everything is ok.  Too much damage has been done in the past for me to put it aside.  I will never avoid a family situation though and think that is just immature, especially since you are both adults.

    Did something awful happen between the 2 of you growing up?  You said you have a sister, does she act like this with her?  What does your dad say about it?

  • That is upsetting. My SM and I have a really neutral relationship. She pretty much ignores me. I was thinking the other day, how sad for her. She doesn't get to know my amazing DS and SS like my mom does. They light up her life. But I guess that's her choice. I would hate to be her
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  • So sorry you are having such a rough day!

    Stop wasting your time on your SM and concentrate on the people who love and care about you.  You will never change her mind no matter how sweet and loving you are, so work seeing your dad when she is not around.  If she doesn't have a relationship with your beautiful family, that is HER loss! 

    DO NOT arrange your schedule around her.  Your aunt and the people there are YOUR family.  You do not need to ask permission of your dad - it's not his party!  If she doesn't want to go b/c you are there, let HER stay home.  She may be unpleasant, but do not revolve your life around her! 

    Also, your little sister (I'm assuming her bio-kid) should not be repeating what SM says.  She is not doing you a favor.  In the future tell your sis that you don't need to hear it. 

    DH spent his whole adult life trying to get his SM to like him.  She didn't like any of her skids, but she liked him the least - mostly because he reminded SM of FILs first wife (who passed away) and because he was a success while her children were failures.  FF and now none of the kids (including her bio-kids and her daughter with FIL) speak to her unless it is to ask for $$ and H is the only one coordinating her care.  I can't stand her and have washed my hands of her. 

  • I understand where you are coming from. My own mother is pretty hateful toward me most of the time. Actually in the last year or so it has gone from venomous to apathetic, which really doesn't hurt any less. And yes, even as an adult the rejection doesn't hurt any less. I try to just not have any expectations, but it's all just a face put on when I act like her cutting me out of life doesn't hurt.
  • That's the thing I haven't done anything to SM. I did my share of talking back but that's about it. I started dating this guy when I was a sophomore and I pretty much spent all my time Su-Sa at his house. They have been together since I was 5 but I never felt liked by her. My sister is 16 and is her bio child. I made the mistake of asking her what her mom said, she didn't just come out and say it. My dad txt me after saying he didn't know why she has to act that way and next time he will tell her to stay behind. I don't see that happening because this is nothing new.
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