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November 2013 Moms
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I hate being divorced. Long rant, I'm sad.

finallymom16finallymom16 member
in November 2013 Moms
DD goes to her fathers house every Thursday around 6 or 7pm and then I get her back on Sunday around the same time.

Now that I'm not working ( I work weekends) I asked him if he wouldn't mind letting me have DD until Friday, just until DS arrives so her and I can get that mommy daughter time and have some one on one before there's a new baby in the picture. He works anyway so she's with a sitter that day.

He didn't want to, but he finally relented and said that was fine. THEN proceeded to tell me he has to have her next Saturday (which it's obvious he would because I only asked for her on Fridays) because he's taking her out of state to the Newport aquarium. I hate to say it but I'm upset he's taking her to the aquarium and not me.

I know it doesn't matter, but I wanted to be there for ALL of her firsts and it breaks my heart I'm not going to get to be there with her when she goes to the aquarium. I can see Her happy little face now and how excited she's gonna be and i seriously am bawling because I can't be there. I wish my ex was more of a dead beat dad sometimes just so I would always have my girl here and I wouldn't miss anything. I'm so pregnant and depressed :(
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Re: I hate being divorced. Long rant, I'm sad.

  • christinacox2384christinacox2384 member
    I'm married to my daughters father so I can't say I know how you feel but I can say I know how you feel about wanting to be there for all her first!!! I am the same way I don't want to miss anything I hate when I have to ask someone to watch her so my husband and I can do something cuz I'm so afraid they are going to do something with her that would be a first and ill miss it! I don't know your situation but maybe ask him if you can take her to the aquarium together since its her first time! Good luck!
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  • kbcrawford11kbcrawford11 member
    I can see why you'd be down about it, but try to focus on the positives. He did agree to your request and it sounds like he's a pretty good dad.
    You'd definitely prefer a good dad for her over a nonexistent or uncaring one. Little girls love to please their dads and I never could. It makes for difficult transition to adulthood and marriage.
    Maybe you could come up with something else to do with her that just the two of you will share
    KBCrawford 11/29/13
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  • finallymom16finallymom16 member
    edited September 2013
    Us going together is unfortunately not a possibility, I can't stand him 90% of te time. There's a long back story there but let's just say up until about five months ago he was a deadbeat.

    I don't try to keep her away from him an I always let him have her on my days if He wants her (though he never does) I just really hate the whole situation of having to share MY baby, even thought she is OUR baby and not just mine, you know? I'm so hormonal and I'm realizing that mine and her time together JUST me and her is coming to an end and it makes me so sad :( I'm being completely irrational, but I'm glad you ladies understand where I'm coming from. Haha
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  • cmwilson316cmwilson316 member
    I am also divorced and share 50/50 custody with DS father. He is less than pleasant to deal with. I totally understand what you're going thru with wanting to be there for firsts. It's just not gonna be fair ever!! Just look at the positives this LO is being brought into a better relationship and hopefully you'll never have to share
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  • EdvoncupacakeEdvoncupacake member
    It can be so hard to share firsts. Especially when we're hormonal! I know that I used to get so sad when DS would have firsts with his dad and step mom. They would have the same feelings, too! For a while it was starting to create friction between all of us. Then one day it was like a slap in the face from the real world. Why was I getting so upset about not getting what I wanted, instead of being excited for my little man to experience all these great things? Sure I missed his first horse ride, fishing trip and learning to ride a dirt bike. But I got to take him on trips and museums and all kinds of other wonderful things. The best part is that he loves all of the experiences, regardless of who is there.
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  • bmqcmgbmqcmg member
    My ex doesn't do much with DD so I haven't missed out on very many firsts. However, I still struggle every time she goes over there and every holiday that I miss, etc. This has been the biggest hurt/struggle of my life is having to give her up. DDs dad was not a good dad to her and that was half the reason I divorced him. He has gotten better from what I have seen and have been told but it just sucks that I have made her my number one priority since I found out I was pregnant with her and he didn't until just recently and now I have to give up time with her so he can now be a dad.

    DD - Juliana Joan - Born October 27, 2010 - My Little Princess

    BFP 1/14/13 - M/C 1/22/13 @ 5 weeks

    BFP 3/20/13 - EDD 11/11/13

    BabyFetus Ticker

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  • 3Dewdrops3Dewdrops member
    I'm totally feeling for you on this.  When I divorced my oldest's bio-dad I was super, super poor and couldn't afford to do anything exciting with DD.  Every time she went and visited him it was swimming pools, ice skating, zoo trips, beach trips, Chuck E. Cheese and eating out daily.  Plus, he never EVER disciplined her.  (I have her over 90% of the time or this would have been disastrous.)

    I was jealous he got to spoil her nonstop and worried that she would well, turn out rotten for one, but also much prefer him.  I needn't have worried.  I haven't even really considered him a parent because he doesn't at all act like one. You will miss some firsts but likely he will miss many also. Over time it gets easier.  It sucks for now though.  =(


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  • bluebell2012bluebell2012 member
    I am divorced as well and when my son was small i got very jealous of him taking our son on things that would be "his first"..however he is entitled to having some firsts as well. I know its very hard and even harder when you are pregnant based on our moody days but look at it this way. I am not sure how old your daughter is but will see remember? My son was taken on a first when he was small and I was heartbroken i missed it. However, I ended up taking him to the same place a few years later and to this day he remembers when i took him, not his dad because he was to small when his dad took him, Perhaps you can do the same thing? that might help?
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