How would you handle this? re: Daycare/infant room

financialdiva · September 2013

I'm going to try to keep this as short as I can.

There are three infant teachers. Two main teacher who have been with the center since they opened, and one newish teacher, 18 years old, daughter of another teacher at the school. 18 yo is there when I pick up every day, often by herself (in ratio).

I lack the warm and fuzzies with this 18yo teacher and the room in general, but overall have been really happy with the school and DS1's rooms for the past 2+ years.

Couple of weeks ago, I pick up and there is a bottle propped up in a baby's mouth. I say, I don't think you should be doing that, it's against licensing. 18 yo says no it's not, we have to do that sometimes, you know, I only have two arms and if multiple babies need to be fed, then we have to let them fed themselves. I said the problem is, this baby isn't feeding himself, you are propping the bottle! Fuming, I went to the director, she said she would take care of it. I trusted she would.

FF to pu on Wednesday. Baby in highchair, bottle propped by a teddy bear. Again, say to the 18yo, you can't do that. She said, don't worry about it. It's fine. I am beyond upset at this point. I email the owners that evening. I get a response saying they would look into it. I arrive at the DC yesterday afternoon and one of the owners is there. She said, so I talked to the teachers and sometimes they let the babies feed themselves and kind of lay them back and prop the baby up on a pillow so they aren't lying flat, b/c that can cause ear infections. Sometimes, multiple babies need to eat, so they do this, and it's really good for them to learn to hold their bottles, but if you prefer for them to hold DS2 during his feedings, we can talk to them about that. I'm bright red, and angry at this point so she asks, umm is that what you saw? I said No, this babies hands were nowhere near the bottle AGAIN. The bottle was being held by a stuffed animal AGAIN. At this point, she gets pretty pissed off too and said Oh. No. Absolutely not. This is unacceptable. We will take care of this.

How many times would you let them "take care of this"? Obviously, someone else taught the 18 yo how to prop the bottle, so I doubt it's something just isolated to her.

I am sitting here, in tears, so frustrated by this. What else is happening during the day? I only see 5 minutes!

They also want me to bring puffs in, but the other day I pick up and 18 yo has a child in the highchair eating puffs, not really paying attention to her. Child starts choking (yes, I know, babies gag) but the fact is she wasn't being properly supervised until I mentioned to the teacher she's choking really has me worried.

What do I do? Report them to the state? Pull my kids? I think I would be pulling DS2 if it was just him, but like I said, we have never really had a problem with DS1 since he has been there. And overall, the owners and director seem to really care about the kids. I have no doubt in my mind that the director did talk to them about the bottle propping, and the teachers flat out lied to her.

Between this and the fits DS1 has been throwing every.single.morning before I leave, on top of all the stress at work right now, I told DH I'm ready to quit. I don't know how much more I can take.

If you made it this far....you are the best.

FemShep · September 2013

I agree with PP. I'd probably follow up with an email to the director, explaining that you've been really happy with the care your eldest has received, but you're very concerned about some of the things you've seen recently in the infant room. Explain again the two times the babies were propped with a bottle, and couldn't feed themselves, and note your concern about the baby unsupervised in the high chair.

I'd also drop in during the week. If you see these things happen again, find the director immediately and tell her you're going to file a complaint with the state.

I'd also look at whether there are other options that work for you, especially if you need a center that has space for both kids.

Good luck! This sucks-but you're doing the right thing by raising these concerns repeatedly and making sure they're addressed.

82Sonia · September 2013

Agree with PPs. Drop in a couple of times unannounced next week. If you see anything that makes you uncomfortable, pull your kids.

jf198400 · September 2013

In addition to what the others have said, I would suggest if you see something again, get a picture of it with your cell phone camera. Then you have Explicit evidence of what you saw as far as bottle proping vs. child feeding themself.

AllieMag24 · September 2013

Oooohhh, I'd be really upset too. Particularly because you already addressed it with the director. Given that it seems to be about this particular teacher (or classroom), I'd focus on that (because you've had a good experience with the center in the past). I know that for me it would be really complicated to find a new center with spots for both DDs, so I wouldn't particularly want to leave but if they can't figure this out and fix the problem, I would feel compelled to go. This practice with the bottles is really just not ok.

And I don't think you should ever do anything with your LO that you're not comfortable with just because the DCP wants you to - I don't think it's really their place to be encouraging you to send in puffs, particularly in light of your concerns about the supervision.

emberlee3 · September 2013

Regulations for child care centers in my state specify that babies must be held for bottle feedings up until age 1. Even if older babies hold their own bottle, the teacher holds the baby. I would pull my children and report the violations. If they violate that rule, they are likely violating others, and the directors/owners are not adequately supervising their staff.

MamaAllison · September 2013

I don't know if I would go as far as reporting, but one thing I know - if you are worried about the care of your children, find someone else!! I simply cannot function if I'm worried about my kid. Good luck!

mommymegan831 · September 2013

I don't know what the state laws are, but what's the big deal about propping a bottle? I've seen parents with twins do this many times, I've even seen something that is sold specifically for the purpose of propping a bottle. I never would have imagined doing this with DD and definitely judged when I saw it being done, but DD tended to get very jealous when I had to feed DS, so rather than having a 2 year old who was potty training screaming on the floor, often wetting her self and then screaming more while I fed her brother, he often had a bottle propped up for him. I would also rather him have a bottle propped up at daycare than screaming alone while they're tending to other babies.

financialdiva · September 2013

The big deal is a baby can start choking and bc the bottle is propped, it isnt being removed and the flow continues into their mouth. The baby can then choke and or drowned from choking, so umm, yeah. I would rather my child scream for five minutes while they were tending to other babies then die.

emberlee3 · September 2013

financialdiva said:
The big deal is a baby can start choking and bc the bottle is propped, it isnt being removed and the flow continues into their mouth. The baby can then choke and or drowned from choking, so umm, yeah. I would rather my child scream for five minutes while they were tending to other babies then die.

ITA. As far as siblings go, it is fine for children to learn they have to wait.

shakinros · September 2013

Agree with PP that I think you should get a picture if you see it again. Given that your experience with the director has been good before this, I have to believe the director is not understanding that one of her staff would do this. Can you ask if the 18yo can go to another room? It really seems like she's not ready for the babies.

If they won't or can't reassign a different teacher, I'd probably still give it one more strike before i pulled my kids. But I'd show up 15 or 20 minutes earlier than usual for pickup so that the young teacher can't have it "cleaned up" before you get there.

mommymegan831 · September 2013

The big deal is a baby can start choking and bc the bottle is propped, it isnt being removed and the flow continues into their mouth. The baby can then choke and or drowned from choking, so umm, yeah. I would rather my child scream for five minutes while they were tending to other babies then die.

If you have a problem with it then I don't think they should do it, I just don't think it's as big a problem as you think it may be. They're not leaving the baby alone while the bottle is propped, so if there's a problem they can still get to the baby. When you're feeding a baby you're holding the bottle and the baby can turn their head if they've had enough, when I would prop a bottle up for DS it would frequently fall and he could easily turn his head if he didn't want it. I know my son was definitely never in a life threatening situation.

As far as siblings learning they need to wait, I get that too, but I'm referring to my maternity leave when DD had just turned 2 and was potty training. Every day DD would wake from her nap just when DS had to be fed. She wakes cranky and would not to go the bathroom right away, so she's cranky already and when I'd go to feed him she'd really start to flip out, she really should have used the bathroom as soon as she got up, but didn't, so as she's screaming and flipping out she starts peeing all over our rug. I would then have to feed DS for another 10-15 min as she's laying in pee screaming her head off and I appear to be completely ignoring her for this new baby. In our case I'd often have him in the bobby with the bottle sitting right next to me while DD sat on my lap. It sucked and didn't seem far to DS but I had to keep some sort of sanity.

ASmallWonder · September 2013

@mommymegan831 The bottom line is that daycares don't have the luxury of making dangerous parenting decisions. You did it and you defend it but they are required to follow the law and the law states propping is not legal and that law is in place because propping is dangerous.

justinandjen · September 2013

You mentioned the 18 year old is the daughter of another teacher at the center. That's probably half of the problem there. In my experience, children of teachers or administrators (or grandchildren, if enrolled at the center) seem to be immune from any of the rules that apply to everybody else. Good luck. I agree with you, the propping is ridiculous. So what if the other babies have to wait for 5 minutes? It sounds like she just doesn't want to hear them cry.

jschmidt6 · September 2013

Start looking for replacement caregivers! If you can't have peace of mind while you're at work, you will never be happy! Plus I would be worried about how the 18 yr old treats your baby now that she knows you are complaining or "turning her in." I worry any time a daycare cuts corners like that. What else are they doing when you're not around?

cecilyandgautam · September 2013

Honestly, I wouldn't hesitate to report this already. The licensing authority gets lots of calls and it's their job to investigate and confirm whether what was reported is true and whether that violated their regulations. You are not personally revoking their license by reporting them but you're flagging that this needs to be examined by the proper authorities who do this professionally. You've already flagged it to the staffer directly, flagged it for the director and it's still a problem.

If it were the baby holding their own bottle, I would not be at all concerned, but I've never heard of propping up a bottle with a teddy bear - that sounds pretty crazy and an immature approach. Perhaps this 18 year old is not ready to work with children.

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