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Surprise! We're completely unprepared!

jenniem217jenniem217 member
in Blended Families
Hi. I just found out I'm preggo and my boyfriend and I are completely shelled shock, as we weren't trying to conceive and due to health concerns, didnt think I could get pregnant. My boyfriend has a 12 yr old son and quite frankly is freaking out about having to tell him along with what will happen for us. The worries and concerns are mutual. Only I seem to be dealing with all this better, perhaps because I have to, for my own well-being. I'm looking for suggestions on ways to let him know we are ok right now and to reenforce our connection within our relationship. He's been super supportive and he takes great care of me. But for himself.... He's just freaked out! Thx!
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Re: Surprise! We're completely unprepared!

  • MrsHetzelMrsHetzel member
    Tell him you're here to talk, vent, bounce ideas off of about telling SS and your families. There's no rush, you have plenty of time before you start showing before you need to tell anyone. Be patient with him.
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  • HisChamaoleGirlHisChamaoleGirl member

    First, congratulations. Second, I would wait on telling SS until you are into your second tri bc of your concerns and bc of the health issues you mentioned. Good luck to you and I wish you a H&H 9months!

    BFP #1 11/07/2012 EDD 07/09/2013 M/C 11/22/2012

    BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013 Arrived via c-section 09/27/2013

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

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  • jenniem217jenniem217 member
    Thank you ladies! I'm definitely seeing that I have to be patient with him rather than worried. Two worry-werts but be helpful. As far as his son, well I think he's going to suggest the idea rather than flat out tell him. That way the seed is planted and it gives us time to secure ourselves with this new adventure. =)
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  • KendraL86KendraL86 member
    edited September 2013
    Congratulations! I understand your boyfriend being concerned about his SS. My DH was freaked out about telling his children.

    Be careful about how you plant a seed if you're already pregnant. If SS freaks out at the idea (which is always a possibility), what will you do? If he says "I don't ever want a sibling. I love being an only child, I would hate havig to share my dad" you can't just say "oh, too bad, you're getting a sibling." He's old enough to do math and, at 12, can figure out you were already pregnant when you started talking about a sibling

    Before I got pregnant, I made it a point to talk very openly about all of my friends who were pregnant (when I got birth announcements, I plastered them to the front of the fridge). This way it was a subtle hint to the kids that my friends who are my age are having babies.

    When you do tell him, I suggest a direct approach that makes the experience about him, rather than the two of you. We had recently got a new puppy so we said "Guess what, Gryffin isn't going to be the youngest member of our family anymore!'" They looked at us puzzled and we said "You are going to be big sisters in April!" We expected a very negative reaction from them, but they were actually super excited! One even called dibs on babysitting.

    Congratulations again! And I hope you happy and healthy pregnancy!
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  • ambrvanambrvan member
    Also at 12, be prepared for as much of an apathetic reaction as a negative one. Teenage boys (he's almost there anyway) have very little interest in babies. I am 24, my little brother is 15, and my little half-sister is 2. When my mom told my brother, he was very upset, then it turned into apathy. But after she was born, she had him wrapped around her finger. But my brother has always loved little kids. He absolutely ADORES our sister and practically plasters her all over facebook and shows her off to friends. But most boys his age are not like that. Most could care less, actually.

    But Kendra made a really good point. Make the announcement more about SS than new LO and you and your SO. And if he seems interested, keep him involved. Let him help prepare, pick things out, etc. If he is not interested at all, just make sure that you and your SO don't sart skipping out on him for "baby stuff." During your pregnancy, it is so important that he still gets just as much attention and one-on-one time as before. That way he knows that he is not being replaced by a "new family."
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  • xmaryrickxxmaryrickx member
    Yeah. Kids aren't stupid. Don't "plant a seed". Just be grown ups and tell him. Your H should reassure him that this won't take away from their relationship and everyone should be conscious about not allowing every conversation, event, day become baby focused (which should always be the goal bc it's annoying to everyone).
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  • jenniem217jenniem217 member
    Great information and suggestions. I did make it a point to say that I wanted his son to be as involved as he chose to be, because soon enough I will be not just a new mommy but also a new step-mom. I know that one of the concerns is definitely the attention balance between the two children. So reading your responses really are helpful to put things into perspective! Thx!
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