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ex keeping dd up all night

Starrysky80Starrysky80
in Blended Families
My Ex lets my 7 year old stay up till 4 am every othere weekend he has her. They dont leave the house, he barely feeds her. She is very picky and he will only offer a couple of things and she ends up being hungry all weekend. When she falls asleep watching a movie he rubs her arm and says wake up your missing the movie.. what the hell is that about??? its bordering on abusive. when i pick her up she looks like a zombie and he chuckles how she was up late. Is he doing it to manipulate me? I am trying to figure out his motive. He does not want divorce. it is not final yet... i don;t know what he is trying to prove here. :/
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Re: ex keeping dd up all night

  • fellesferiefellesferie member
    He's just trying to be the super fun, awesome, cool dad. It doesn't have anything to do with you other than him wanting to be more fun than you.

    Sorry, I know how much it sucks. 
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  • SueBearSueBear member

    I would start sending him emails or texts asking him to please be aware of her bedtime and the importance of sleep.

    If no other reason than if you end up fighting for custody, you can ensure that he does not have her on a school night.  (I am not against sharing custody on a school night, but if your stbx can't provide her with a good sleep schdeule I don't think it is in her best interest). 

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  • SigirSigir member
    SueBear said:

    I would start sending him emails or texts asking him to please be aware of her bedtime and the importance of sleep.

    If no other reason than if you end up fighting for custody, you can ensure that he does not have her on a school night.  (I am not against sharing custody on a school night, but if your stbx can't provide her with a good sleep schdeule I don't think it is in her best interest). 

    ITA. Document in email what is happening, each time it does and use towards gaining custody during the week, do you already have a co even though you are not divorced? If not Are you working towards a co?
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  • dmndsr4evadmndsr4eva member

    The thing I learned early on is there is really no way to control what happens at the other house.  It sucks big time.  I finally just had to let it go.  The only way the courts will get involved is if it is abuse and you can prove it. Which from what you said that is not the case here. 

    Have you talked to him about it?  Really in these situations the only thing that will help is trying to get along with him.  If you aren't getting along it is near impossible to have any control over what happens with DD at his house.  As far as her not eating I would maybe send her with a bag of food/snacks she likes?

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  • Starrysky80Starrysky80
    yes we have a parenting agreement.. he is not supposed to smoke with her but of course does that too. We actually do get along. He just thinks its funny that he can keep her up all night apparently. He sees how tired she is and I don't understand how he does this to her. She looks physically sick.  i will send texts reminding though but he is very stubborn and usually does the opposite of what I ask. Even when married he did. I do send her with snacks.. its just sad.
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  • twister22twister22 member
    Make sure you document EVERYTHING. Document the emails you send, outlining that he stated that DD was up until 4 a.m., that DD is exhausted. Photograph DD is she looks exhausted and sick. Send STBXH articles stating the importance of sleep. This is a health concern, and if he cannot properly care for your daughter, he should not have overnights, much less over nights on non school nights.

    It is disgusting that he considers what he is doing "parenting." In actuality, I would call it abuse.
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  • MrsHetzelMrsHetzel member
    I agree with PPs who said you can't control what happens at the other house. And letting DD stay up as late as she wants doesn't even come close to abuse. It might be poor parenting but it's not abuse. And as for her not liking the snacks he offers, again not remotely close to abuse. There are children living with both parents who cannot afford any snacks at all.

    I'm sorry he doesn't parent the way you would like to, believe me I get it. But you have to accept that you can't control how he parents on his time. When DD is older and learns that feeling super tired is not fun, she'll start sleeping on her own and telling her dad to leave her be and let her sleep.
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  • MommyEllenSueMommyEllenSue member
    MrsHetzel said:

    I agree with PPs who said you can't control what happens at the other house. And letting DD stay up as late as she wants doesn't even come close to abuse. It might be poor parenting but it's not abuse. And as for her not liking the snacks he offers, again not remotely close to abuse. There are children living with both parents who cannot afford any snacks at all.

    I'm sorry he doesn't parent the way you would like to, believe me I get it. But you have to accept that you can't control how he parents on his time. When DD is older and learns that feeling super tired is not fun, she'll start sleeping on her own and telling her dad to leave her be and let her sleep.

    I totally agree with this! This is really just a difference in parenting. It's not great and not ideal but it is what it is. He could just be doing it to annoy you also. Maybe if you act like it doesn't bother you then he will stop. I would definitely keep documenting it but stop talking to him about it.
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  • +just+j++just+j+ member

    I wouldn't be texting and reminding him. It will do no good and only impress on him that it bothers you.

    I would however start working him a little and tell him he's going to make his daughter resent him if he continues.  Do this of course without DD present.

    Good luck with this.  He's playing you. Pretend it's not happening (I know, this will be hard) and tell your daughter that she is going to have to demand that he let her sleep.  She's old enough to speak her mind.  Eventually he too will grow tired of this eventually.

     

    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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