Sick of it

cedenton · September 2013

I'm sick of being so damn emotional since having DS. I don't remember FEELING things this way back then. Someone on another BMB posted about finding a 3 yr old Down Syndrome boy wandering alone down the road (he was clean and it appears to be an isolated incident - was reunited with his family) and it made me cry. This poor baby. What COULD have happened!? Those poor parents. Yada yada. There seems to be a never ending stream of horrible/sad kid/family stories and every one pricks at my heart and makes me cry.

Way back when I was still in the throes of PPD/PPA I remember saying to my counselor "Life just seems so much more real now." Totally still feeling that. After having DS, shit got real.

Anyone else on board with my totally random post?

ETA: I'm not saying it's bad to feel for people in these situations or that I didn't previously, just it's so much more deep now.

rainedrops117 · September 2013

Since having K - I'm definitely more emotional, than I use to be. maybe bc there's a huge gap between my older kiddos, I forgot what it's like to be so easily moved. I'm a lot more "Suzie Homemaker" too! Like I actually go on Pinterest and like hearing baby stories and I was thrilled when my DH bought me a sewing machine a few months before K was born. You're not alone! Reading your post about the DS 3 yr old, made me choke a little. Bc I have a DS older son. I've always been a sucker for special needs individuals.

katiejo1216 · September 2013

I am right there with you! I have this conversation with one of my close mommy friends almost weekly. I saw that post as well and couldn't keep my mind from immediately thinking of all of the what-ifs?

cedenton · September 2013

Island_Breezie Totally personaly question(s) here...I've always wondered about your older kids since I don't see pics (makes sense with older kids ) or anything. Do they live with you? I had no idea you had a child with DS! I have a friend who just had a little boy with DS back in November. He's the cutest little thing, but I imagine it's a huge adjustment. She just recently started posting photos of him. It always made me sad to think they weren't posting photos on FB because she was worried people might say mean things or be embarassed.

bigbootyjudi · September 2013

I'm way more emotional than I was before G. WAY.

Before having him, I would only cry when I was angry. My defense mechanism kicked in when I was sad and I'd usually just go somewhere where I could be alone and get over it in a few minutes. I never cried at movies, emotional events (weddings, funerals, whatever), or anything.

I read "If I Could Keep You Little" the last week and immediately burst into tears. I've cried at almost every rom-com we've seen since G was born. I almost cried when SO told me I was beautiful last night (although it had been quite, quite awhile). I cried when Gio kissed me for the first time the other day. I AM A SAP.

cedenton · September 2013

bigbootyjudi

I'm pretty sure I'll cry when DS gives me a kiss for the first time. I've been trying to get him to do it, but he seems to think I'm just offering myself up as dinner. Chomp! LOL

Jessica Swanlake · September 2013

I used to be totally stoic. After DD1 I became a complete wreck. It gets worse with each child. Roadkill, iPhone ads (you know the ones), the endings of children's stories (see: The Children of Lir), looking at random old photos that have absolutely nothing to do with me (part of my job)- all have the potential to reduce me into a snotty mess.

The other day my daughter, who is 9, asked me the meaning behind a song she loves ("King and Lionheart") and I started tearing up while explaining it to her. I blamed the goldenrod or whatever it is that is making everyone's allergies go nuts, but she just gave me a hug anyway. In my defense, however, that is a totally sad song.

brandyleighxx · September 2013

Shit got real. That sums it up for me, too. I'm developing a fear of losing loved ones which I think is a combination of having a family now, aging, parents aging, and losing a step parent. I think we need to make a pact to stop reading stories of babies and children dying. Each time I read a story, I can't shake it for a while. I also can't watch a woman have a c-section on tv without bawling my eyes out.

rainedrops117 · September 2013

@cedenton - totally fair question! I have pics of my older kids on FB posted practically everywhere. When I say older - i mean 20, 19 and 17 1/2 yrs old w/first DH. I was 17 when I had my oldest - you can do the math. That being said... They're there own little ppl now, I share custody of my 17 yr old still, and my 19 ur old (DS2 w/downs). But my oldest is in college. I guess when you're that age, I don't get pics of them often.

So... having Koa is a totally different experience from when I was a young mommy. Totally. Different.

rainedrops117 · September 2013

deleted comment/pic

cedenton · September 2013

Island_Breezie Yeah, that makes sense. I'll take as many pictures now as I can. LOL Bummer I missed the pic.

AmySmolos · September 2013

I'm a mess all the time. Sometimes I just cry while rocking ds to sleep because I love him so much. It's awful.

cedenton · September 2013

I just spent 15 minutes creepily watching this super adorable, pregnant French lady and her toddler having a lunch in the park. I just kept imagining DS at that age and choking up.

latnprincess · September 2013

Oh yeah, its a part of becoming a parent. Its the "what if" factor. What if that was your kid? You put yourself in the place of those parents. We definitely empathize a lot with parents now! Also the fact that some things in life are out of our hands is scary. All we can do is try our best to protect our kids in however we can. Its all normal to feel that way.

cedenton · September 2013

@lathnprincess The stuff that's really been getting to me lately is the teenage, bad behavior stuff. I was reading a book about a lady who lost her daughter to drugs. God, I can't imagine watching your beautiful, sweet baby just destroy their life and not be able to do anything about it. It must be heart wrenching.

latnprincess · September 2013

cedenton said:

@lathnprincess The stuff that's really been getting to me lately is the teenage, bad behavior stuff. I was reading a book about a lady who lost her daughter to drugs. God, I can't imagine watching your beautiful, sweet baby just destroy their life and not be able to do anything about it. It must be heart wrenching.

@cedenton believe me I know. I see my niece who is in middle school and how the kids she became friends with are bullied and they cut themselves. Or seeing how crazy teenagers are in high school. Even in elementary school the kids know about sex and things little kids shouldn't know! Not everyone raises their kid like I raise mine. It makes me want to home school, if I was able to stay home to do so. I can't protect him 100% that way either, but it would make me feel better! But for now, I send Christian to school and just hope and pray he stays safe.

Grins04 · September 2013

I was very emotional after having DS....up until he was about 2ish? I was just waiting for something to happen to him, and certain situations gave me anxiety just thinking about it. I'd play things in my head and they seemed so real. I couldn't read stories about babies dying especially. Some topics had me extremely paranoid.

I'm not nearly as bad with DD, or DS now. I'm not sure what changed. I do think I had PPA with my son, so that came into play. But now I think I just have more of a relaxed attitude about life, as he's gotten older and we've both had more experience in the real world? There are some things that worry me still (I can't even imagine what I will be like when my kids are teens and driving)...but I'm no longer the helicopter mom I once was.

cedenton · September 2013

latnprincess said:

cedenton said:

@lathnprincess The stuff that's really been getting to me lately is the teenage, bad behavior stuff. I was reading a book about a lady who lost her daughter to drugs. God, I can't imagine watching your beautiful, sweet baby just destroy their life and not be able to do anything about it. It must be heart wrenching.

@cedenton believe me I know. I see my niece who is in middle school and how the kids she became friends with are bullied and they cut themselves. Or seeing how crazy teenagers are in high school. Even in elementary school the kids know about sex and things little kids shouldn't know! Not everyone raises their kid like I raise mine. It makes me want to home school, if I was able to stay home to do so. I can't protect him 100% that way either, but it would make me feel better! But for now, I send Christian to school and just hope and pray he stays safe.

Oh, Gosh! I can't even.

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