NBR-A man who lives off his wife

BabyBsOven · September 2013

...is no man at all.

Hey ladies, I was watching "Modern Dads" and was thinking how great the arrangement was and how I was glad that society has been leaning away from gender roles, both for females in the corporate world and men in the family world. Over the weekend, however, my brother-in-law made some comments about how despicable it was and that these men need to be "men" and get jobs. On the show, its not like the families were in financial trouble or the men blatantly refused to get jobs or anything. I tried to explain to my BIL that some women stay home and I don't think they are being lazy or anything and besides, staying at home with children IS a job...it takes a lot of work! He just expressed the typical, "women are supposed to take care of the kids" nonsense. I would be fine if I had a job that could support my family in our current lifestyle and my husband chose to stay home. Anyway, I was just over lurking on thenest forums and saw a lot of women with the same sentiment as my BIL (I actually took the thread title directly from one of the replies) and was wondering what you all thought about it.

JessAnnJ · September 2013

I make twice what my husband makes and he seems okay with it, but he said he would never stay home because it would be emasculating. I think some guys just cant wrap their mind around it.

minervacullen · September 2013

I think as long as he (or she) isn't being a lazy mooch and doing the stay home work, it's fine. If I made enough and DH could be a sahd, I'd be ok with it.

kescalera · September 2013

While it would take some time for DH to adjust and he would need to have a hobby-job (ie fixing Diesel engines/trucks for his friends) we would be fine with him being a SAHD. My brother is one and no one gives him a hard time at all.

velazquezk1 · September 2013

Some ways my husband is a SAHD. He works nights and is home w/ baby all day so I can work. She goes to daycare when our shifts overlap for court and stuff. Looking at him, and knowing him in the past, you would think he wouldn't be "that kind of dad" but he's really taken it to heart and plans little things for them to do. He's super hands on. He said if I made enough to support us he would SAH. I begged to be a SAHM but he said "babe, this isn't 1950. You've got a career you love. Go to work."

He does mention how it would be nice to have me at home because he realizes how much work it is.

LittleFish1 · September 2013

I think any very specific to the household & needs to be acceptable to the adults in the household. DHs Mom was (is) a SAHM where as I grew up with both parents working outside the home and have noticed ineqiities in both household as it relates to housework, child care, financial decisions, and more.

That said, there are pleanty of relationships where people are leechs. Gender does not matter there. A leech is simply a parasite and does not add to the household aside from making a mess. Know of coworkers and friends of friends who have this arrangement with a significant other ... those are the situations that I judge.

emmylou1313 · September 2013

DH is a stay at home dad and loves it. He plans activitys and organizes the house. We live in a very old fashioned southern small town and everyone family included give him heck. They think that it's a burden on me but it's not it was the best financial decision for us. He gets pretty depressed at times by people's comments too him. I hate the gender roles people are "suppose" to play.

Jackiemxoxo · September 2013

I think staying home and taking care of the kids or going to work are both tough roles and can be played by either parent. I think its crap that guys are getting looked down on for being SAHD's. I know some dads who stay home and take care of the kids and they are way more involved then the mom and that is perfectly fine. Whatever works for the family is great as long as everyone is pulling their weight some way or another.

jsoubel · September 2013

I earn more than my husband, and I suppose he could SAH. But, he likes working, and derives pride from providing for the family. Personally, I would never want to financially support a man, even if he's doing the very hard and challenging job of SAH. Yes, it's a double-standard. I think it's fine if the woman stays home. But, I'm on the losing end of all sorts of man/woman double standards so I don't really feel that badly.

BabyBsOven · September 2013

Thanks for the insight ladies! I have the same opinion as a lot of you I guess...whatever works for the family

Fullcircle06 · September 2013

My husband would totally SAH if I made the kind of $ we would need for that happen (which I obviously don't

). He works on average 3-4 days during the week and DS stays home w/him on the other day(s), and they both love it! I think it's BS that if a woman stays home w/the kids, it's no big thing, expected even in some cases, but if a man chooses to stay home, there's something wrong w/it. Now, I'm not talking about a guy who just doesn't want to be bothered with working and sits at home and lets the TV babysit the kids. I'm talking about hands on dads who spend the day w/their kids. I see nothing wrong w/that. It's 2013, I think it's high time we take a look at these "roles" and move forward already! Here's what it really comes down to - do what works for your family. And that is going to be different for everyone, and it might change from time to time, and that's ok, too.

Side note, I remember on an episode of "The New Normal", one of the characters says, "A mom who works is called a 'working mom', but a dad who works is called 'a dad' ". Drives me crazy.

mydixiewrecked · September 2013

Fullcircle06 said:

My husband would totally SAH if I made the kind of $ we would need for that happen (which I obviously don't ). He works on average 3-4 days during the week and DS stays home w/him on the other day(s), and they both love it! I think it's BS that if a woman stays home w/the kids, it's no big thing, expected even in some cases, but if a man chooses to stay home, there's something wrong w/it. Now, I'm not talking about a guy who just doesn't want to be bothered with working and sits at home and lets the TV babysit the kids. I'm talking about hands on dads who spend the day w/their kids. I see nothing wrong w/that. It's 2013, I think it's high time we take a look at these "roles" and move forward already! Here's what it really comes down to - do what works for your family. And that is going to be different for everyone, and it might change from time to time, and that's ok, too.

Side note, I remember on an episode of "The New Normal", one of the characters says, "A mom who works is called a 'working mom', but a dad who works is called 'a dad' ". Drives me crazy.

@Fullcircle06 I agree 100% with you. This annoyed me when I read it and I am in a shitty mood so I didn't respond with what was in my head. My SO works,I stay home,but he is hands on as soon as he gets in the door and if I could find work that paid more than he makes I would be happy to have him home with Connor and would never think him of being less than a man.

robyn2201 · September 2013

DH works weekends and is essentially a SAHD during the week. He likes being home with the girls, but he has said many times that he feels like a failure. He feels that he should be the bread winner and that I should be a SAHM. I can't count how many times, he has said that he is so sorry that he has let me down and that he is failing as a husband. I have told him that its okay for him to be sole care provider for the girls and that he shouldn't feel bad. They are going to grow up having a close relationship with their father. Something that I did not have with my dad. So while I wish I could be a SAHM, I am glad that he gets to be home with them during the day. They love their daddy and DD1 is such a daddy's girl.

jaimevogt · September 2013

There are leaches, but there's a world of difference between a leech and a SAH...mom or dad.

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