Am I evil?

MelBee12 · September 2013

So I've told my mom already but I want to wait to tell DH's parents. Quite frankly the less time my MIL has to shop the better off everyone will be (she has a serious shopping addiction...their basement needs to be on an episode of hoarders...she buys things in multiples). DH is all WTF about it but I know I'm not the only one. It's my mom...it's different.

mandacann · September 2013

I told my mom and we haven't told his. I love his mom but we're worried she will tell everyone and if something bad happens I don't really want everyone knowing. So I don't even feel guilty.

NicoleAnne416 · September 2013

Do what's right for you. For me, we're telling IL's first, then my mom. But my mom and I don't have a very close relationship, and while I love her, she is about the opposite of me.

knotty-girl · September 2013

We told ours the same day.

That said, I sympathize with you about the shopping thing. I know I'm going to clash with my in-laws on that front because I prefer to be green and minimal and they prefer to shower their grandchildren (my niece and nephew) with new "stuff" and expensive trips to the toy store every weekend.

ckred27 · September 2013

Ha, I told my mom before I told my husband! Granted thats because I wanted to tell him in person and he wasnt going to be home for several hours at the point, but yeah, my mom was my first phone call. We just told DH's parents this weekend.

kali55 · September 2013

I wouldn't have told my MIL at all if I had my preference. We told my Mom right away. DH was okay with it because his mother is not very kind to him so we don't have much of a relationship with her. I don't feel guilty, I don't want MIL involved in my children's lives

radiohd18 · September 2013

I feel very similarly about my mom and I want to be able to tell her. I feel like I'm sort of lying to her by not telling her. But DH agreed to wait to tell both families on the same day when we get to the end of 1st Tri. It is my body but it is our child and it's important to me that DH gets an equal say on when we tell everyone.

KatieGummow · September 2013

Love my parent-in-laws, but I did the same thing. DH was a little upset, but I didn't care. It is SO nice, she calls and/or texts me every couple of days to see how I am doing, and it feels so good. It is really nice to talk to someone else about the pregnancy, especially because she's been through it. Now DH always asks what she said when she calls

AcaAwkward · September 2013

We told my parents first. We waited to tell DH's for another 2 weeks. I would have waited longer but I left that decision up to him.

alphalyrae · September 2013

Can't your DH say "It's my mom, it's different", wouldn't that be fair? I don't see how your argument is valid. I understand she has a shopping issue, but it isn't fair to hold that against your DH when he wants to tell his mom.

staceyemd · September 2013

No, you're not. I told my mom and best friend, but no one else. DH has a huge family so he understands why we can't tell any of them, but he is still a little antsy.

Edit: clarified last sentence

snappyK · September 2013

We've only told my sister. (I'm not on good terms with my mom.)

I sort of feel like telling my inlaws and my dad and others is telling them that I'm going to have a baby soon, but telling my sister is telling her that I'm pregnant. For me it is a lot more about sharing the experience with another woman with whom I'm very close.

ButtonGirl82 · September 2013

Haha i feel the same way! I have crazy ILs and really want to wait til after our screening results. We told my parents and DHs siblings last week (8 weeks). My MIL will tell everyone and im jut not comfortable yet. Who you want to tell can really vary depending on the people.

Enami · September 2013

I told my mom first, but DH doesn't know that. Honestly, I feel that pregnancy is mostly about the mother, because everything is solely dependent on the mother. It may be his baby, but he doesn't start physically taking care of it until after the birth. Plus my MILis a wench. With my impromptu hospital visit yesterday, she was the only one I could call to watch DS. When I got ready to leave after dropping him off, she said "So are you sick, or just pregnant?" I honestly can't take this woman. And since she and FIL knew we were worried about the pregnancy last night, when we got back and told them false alarm, everything's fine, she said "We'll, I guess that means no drinking now". I just wanted to chug a beer in her pretentious face.

KacieO · September 2013

Completely understand! Your body, your mom- makes sense to me. I told my my weeks before I told my in-laws.

hordol · September 2013

We told my parents 2-3 weeks before we told the inlaws. DH actually wanted to wait on telling them, it wasn't my choice to wait so long. But either way, I would have told my mom first, too. As much as it affects DH and his family, ultimately my health and body are affected A LOT more and I needed advice from someone I was close to and trusted and that had been through this before...that would be my mom!

Hopefully your DH can understand that that, too. Especially since typically it makes more sense that the girl will be closer with her own mom!

ETA: I understand the arguments from many above that it's just as much his baby as it is mine, but I don't think that means that absolutely everything is equal in the pregnancy. They found out I had CAH after I got pregnant and now I'm taking steroids to hopefully keep the baby developing properly (hopefully helping more than hurting with the steroids) and it is super stressful and emotional for me. DH is like a boy in lala land. He never worries about anything, ever. This does not affect his body. If something happens to the baby's development, it is MY fault because it's MY body it's developing in right now. I think that definitely warrants me the right to tell my mom first and get advice from her before my MIL.

MelBee12 · September 2013

Well we haven't told my dad...we are not close... if that makes it a little "fairer". DH is more upset about his mothers shopping addiction than I am...it caused a lot of turmoil in his parents marriage. When we were pregnant with DS, she got THREE strollers...she had all sorts of gifts in her basement...some were even FOR A GIRL so I knew she had shopped before we found out the sex of the baby. It was pretty bad.

Don't get me wrong...she has gotten DS a lot of nice stuff and her taste is expensive (PB Kids, Janie and Jack, Ralph Lauren). DH would get so mad when they'd come to visit bc the trunk of their car would be packed with gifts and she'd spend the whole weekend giving them to Dylan little by little. I know it makes her feel good but that's part of her illness.

I think he's just excited to tell someone...but he knows full well that telling his parents right now isn't the best move nor completely necessary. All of our families are out of state so it's not like we'll be "lying" when we see them face to face because we won't see them until probably the holidays.

CalinAZ · September 2013

We told my mom first, too. DH actually was the one who wanted to wait to tell his family. I just told him we can't tell his mom that my parents found out almost a month before her :P

rtv3 · September 2013

We'll probably tell our families the same day or maybe one Sunday, one Monday type of thing depending on how it works out. I am telling my family first, but DH is totally okay with it and it's not by much. But we have awesome families on both sides - not sure how we would handle it if there were any issues...

Karianne02 · September 2013

My mom knew before I even knew! When we told my parents, my dad said, "We've been waiting for you guys to tell us! Your mom told me she thought you were pregnant on July 29." --- I found out on August 5th. Mother's intuition, I suppose!

AmberT2010 · October 2013

How is it different? You both had a role in making a baby and therefore share the same right to tell moms (or whoever). You're being selfish not evil.

KatieGummow · October 2013

I told my mom the day I found out I was pregnant. I though DH's mom would be upset (she is super sensitive), but she totally understood and commented, "a girl needs her mom!" And it was so true. It was so nice to have my mom to talk to through the whole experience thus far. We didn't purposefully keep it from DH's parents though, we just kept having conflicting schedules and couldn't get together until I was 11w along.

TallaB · October 2013

We told my mom and dad about 6 weeks and my brother and sister around 10 weeks. I'm 13 weeks now and if I had my way, we wouldn't tell DH's family at all. But, I hate them. So, i'm sure we will tell them in the near future...if they can stop causing drama long enough for us to blurt it out.

J&NL · October 2013

I tell my parents everything right away. We talk daily so it's expected. H only talks to his family once a week so it just kind of happened that way.

kateleestar · October 2013

I told my dad at 8 weeks... DH's parents are finding out tomorrow, lol, and I'll be 13w. If my mom was alive, she would have been my first call... Technically my two BFF's knew before DH, soooo... Lol. He doesn't care, I don't have sisters..

So not evil, no..

BiggerinRealLife · October 2013

Do we have the same MIL?

I told my mom the day after we found out. DH drove me up to Sacramento where she was visiting her sisters so I would be able to tell her because I was freaking out. But his mom? We're telling her tomorrow, which happens to be her birthday. And the only reason we are is because we're announcing to church, which she also attends. I'd have put it off awhile longer, but since we're spreading the news this week she gets a birthday surprise.

strawberrytree · October 2013

I don't think both sets of parents necessarily need to be treated equally. If you have different types of relationships with different sets of people, you interact with them differently. We have a good, healthy relationship with my mom and sisters so we'll tell them way before DH's family. He rarely speaks with them and has said he'll probably just let them find out with the rest of the world when he mentions something about it on FB.

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