Community› The Bump Month Clubs› July 2012 Moms
July 2012 Moms
New Discussion

How would you handle this?

ashleynakaashleynaka member
in July 2012 Moms
I will try to be as short as possible...sorry, but it's still long!

My SIL doesn't believe in discipline and her almost 3 year old boy is out of control!  He has kicked me, hit LO in the face, grabbed her arm really hard and gotten physical with most of H's family.  We have watched him slap his mom in the face and she just takes it!  

Over this past weekend, we were all together celebrating my H's birthday and he was acting up.  My H made a face and rolled his eyes and my BIL (H's brother) got really defensive and mad.  We had a shouting match and basically told them that their kid has been physical with our LO several times and we have tried to diffuse the situation by just removing our LO (since we knew they wouldn't do anything).  My BIL said to tell him next time something happens (which I hope is never again, but at this rate it is inevitable).  We have told him in the past, but he just threw up his hands and asked us what we wanted him to do?

I know SIL is the reason why he can't discipline his own son.  It is one thing to be rambunctious, but it is a huge problem IMO when things get physical.  So, how would you handle this kid going forward?  We see the family about once a month or so and every time, I get nervous.  His older sister was active as a child too, but we didn't have LO back then.

Bonus question: If you have a overactive/rambunctious kid what do you do to keep him/her behaved when around others?  Maybe they need some suggestions from grandma and grandpa? (my in-laws are happy to pass along advice to help the situation b/c they are fed up with it too)

Thank you very much for your advice/suggestions!
Visit The Nest
AnniversaryBaby Birthday Ticker Ticker 



Report Reply to Post

Re: How would you handle this?

  • ashleynakaashleynaka member
    hijoi said:
    I'd yank that kid away from mine and give him a very stern talking to. I don't give a shit if people don't discipline their own kids- they can deal with the problem they've created on their own- but no way in hell will I let that kid hurt mine. And the BIL and SIL can lick my butt if they think if sit idly by while their spawn hurts me or my kid. Someone has to be the adult. And yes, I've given it to my nephew, who tried to hurt Nathaniel. It happened once. never again.
    This is why I like you Joi!  Honest and to the point.  Assuming it happens again, we will attempt to do a talk without his parents seeing.  I know it's good to nip it in the bud and talk to them right away so they know what they did wrong, so hopefully both parents are not hovering at that very moment.  And if they are...we will still say something!  Thanks for your reply.
    Visit The Nest
    AnniversaryBaby Birthday Ticker Ticker 



    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • bumpuser1509193bumpuser1509193 member
    I would probably try to avoid them. And if your absence is noticed, I would just say that you don't feel that your kid is safe around their child.
    "Parenting is a constant struggle between making your kid's live better and ruining your own." Willie Robertson, 'Duck Dynasty'
    Anniversary IMAG1763 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
  • lnd1031lnd1031 member
    I agree with Joi. I would do the same with both of my nephews if they ever did that, and I would expect my bro and SIL to do the same to Cal. There's no excuse for that crap.

    And avoidance is stupid. You shouldn't have to hide from your family because someone won't control their child.

    imageimage
    image
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
  • britbratjfbritbratjf member
    I would 100% follow @hijoi advice. Sorry but if you aren't going to parent your kid someone has to.

    Does your SIL literally do nothing?! Like no talking to, no time outs, nothing?! I don't understand how you just don't discipline your child.

    I would also do my best to keep my LO separate from your nephew at family gatherings. Like in another room.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    image

    Report Reply
  • sworms914sworms914 member
    I would tell the kid to stop his behavior. You are all family and if he is hurting your child then it is your job to step in to keep your kid safe.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
  • snickersforeveryonesnickersforeveryone member
    Joi's right. Absolutely say something to the kiddo. He has to learn good social behavior somewhere. If his parents aren't teaching him and no one speaks to him about it, it will only get worse as he grows bigger and stronger.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPicImage and video hosting by TinyPic


    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
    Report Reply
  • aylafsu88aylafsu88 member
    amilyn9785 said:
    I agree with Joi. Fwiw my younger cousins were terrors as kids because my aunt and uncle never follow through on discipline, but if they were at my grandmas or my parents house my mom stepped in and laid it down. They were perfect angels after they realized my mom followed through and there were consequences.
    This.  One of my nieces is a bit of a terror.  She is not violent but she does talk back, argue with adults, yell, etc.  I am firm with her and tell her my house, my rules, my LO.  She acts like a normal kid when she is around my family and my LO because I lay down the law.  I know it is you brother and SILs kid but when it affects your LO you need to get involved.  I think you need to follow Joi's advice next time an incident happens.
    Report Reply
  • ashleynakaashleynaka member
    britbratjf said:
    I would 100% follow @hijoi advice. Sorry but if you aren't going to parent your kid someone has to. Does your SIL literally do nothing?! Like no talking to, no time outs, nothing?! I don't understand how you just don't discipline your child. I would also do my best to keep my LO separate from your nephew at family gatherings. Like in another room.
    SIL does say stuff like "hey, don't do that", but doesn't really tell him what he has done wrong, so the kid has no clue.  He kicks his sister all the time and she just takes it and it breaks my heart.  No time outs.  

    We have been keeping LO separated and that is what sparked part of the blow up because we told them why she stays up in her high chair away from him and they said that is not nice to keep her "up on a pedal stool away from him".  Well, shoot, you've left me no choice.  They now understand our reasoning, but it still doesn't solve the problem.

    Thanks for your reply!
    Visit The Nest
    AnniversaryBaby Birthday Ticker Ticker 



    Report Reply
  • ashleynakaashleynaka member
    Bliz1712 said:

    I wouldn't even hide talking to the kid.  If he is hurting my kid I will take whatever action is necessary.  I've done it a few times with SIL and her kid, especially in my home.  My home, my rules!  He is a wild child to say the least.  If he was ever in my presence and doing something that I didn't like that specifically involved V, then I jumped in.  I wasn't a complete bitch about it, but definitely made it known that will not fly.  And whenever they are in my presence and at my house they are perfect angels.  The minute they see their Mom or MIL they flip a switch. It's gotten to the point that at one point I didn't like V hanging out with the older niece because of her attitude and I could see V picking it up.

    MIL & FIL used to tell H all the time that they thought he was tough on V years ago.  Now they tell him that she is the most well behaved kid they know and love being around her.  They cannot say anything remotely close about SIL's kids.

    ETA:  Their daughter punched my MIL in the face and NOTHING happened.  Just to give you an idea of what they do.  Also, the boy at 3 could use the f word in the appropriate context.  Great parenting right there!!

    Whoa!  Your SIL and my SIL are two peas in a pod for sure!  We have started laying down the law in our house, but I guess I failed to mention that we were at MIL and FIL house.  Thanks for your reply.
    Visit The Nest
    AnniversaryBaby Birthday Ticker Ticker 



    Report Reply
  • ashleynakaashleynaka member
    Thank you very much for all of your replies/advice.  I will talk to my H and in-laws and just let everyone know it's fine time we all lay down the law in our own homes.  MIL has a hard time because she doesn't like to be the bad guy, but I think she is at her wits end with the behavior too.
    Visit The Nest
    AnniversaryBaby Birthday Ticker Ticker 



    Report Reply
  • britbratjfbritbratjf member
    Wow she sounds like a peach. She is doing her child a disservice by not setting any boundaries or explaining appropriate behavior. Just tell that to MIL if she has a hard time with it - that it will benefit her grandson in the long run and she isn't being a bad guy for making sure he knows how to respect other people.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    image

    Report Reply
  • ashleynakaashleynaka member
    britbratjf said:
    Wow she sounds like a peach. She is doing her child a disservice by not setting any boundaries or explaining appropriate behavior. Just tell that to MIL if she has a hard time with it - that it will benefit her grandson in the long run and she isn't being a bad guy for making sure he knows how to respect other people.
    Very true and exactly what we believe too.  It is so important, especially today to teach your child morals, values and how to treat others.
    Visit The Nest
    AnniversaryBaby Birthday Ticker Ticker 



    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"