Community› The Bump Message Boards› Blended Families
Blended Families
New Discussion

This is what I was afraid of.....:(

JessH1474JessH1474 member
in Blended Families

I've posted before about the fact that DH is going through a child support modification right now and is seeking a decrease due to many changes on both ends.  We've known for about 2 years that this change was warranted but left it as is b/c we didn't want to "rock the boat".  We finally decided enough was enough and filed the paperwork.   We have reason to believe that BM is now feeding SS12 lies about DH (not wanting to support him, only wanting to see him so his child support is less, etc) and it's killing DH. We have SS EOW, but DH normally talks to SS everyday either by phone or through text.  Since this has all happened, SS seems to be distant.  I feel like BM is almost punishing SS for wanting to continue to come over and visit and talk to DH b/c she is so pissed about this cs thing.  BM is a VERY controlling person and when she gets mad, all hell breaks loose.  I think SS almost things he will be in trouble with her if he talks to DH.  It's just so crazy b/c before this cs thing happened, we never had any issues with this kind of stuff.  I just hate the thought of SS being in the middle of all of this and the fact that we can't protect him from it when he's with her.  We have always tried very hard to keep SS out of all of our issues with BM, even going as far as to make sure BM was served with the paperwork during our summer time with SS so he didn't have to see what was going on.  I just can't shake this feeling of being at BM's mercy no matter how we look at things.  If we pay more cs, then we're screwing ourselves, but if we don't then we have to worry about the lies SS is hearing about DH.   I feel like we can't win either way :(

Report Reply to Post

Re: This is what I was afraid of.....:(

  • WahooWahoo member
    Wow. I can't give you any advice but wanted you to know that I'm sorry this is happening.
    image "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • JessH1474JessH1474 member
    Thank you, I appreciate it.  This has all just been so stressful on both of us.  I have been with DH since SS was 3 months old, so it kills me just as much as it does him to think of this coming between their relationship when all we're trying to do is what's fair.  BM has taken DH back for 3 upward modifications and of course none of this was an issue any of those times.  It sickens me.
    Report Reply
  • MrsHetzelMrsHetzel member
    I've been in your exact same position before. Even before we ever went to court, BM has been a nasty piece of work. Using SD as a pawn, making her cry then call DH to guilt trip him into things, telling her DH doesn't love her anymore bc he married me, the list goes on. There's almost nothing you can do about it unfortunately. A judge can put a stipulation in the CO that no parent is allowed to discuss the court order in front of the child but even then it's hardly enforceable. You can try to hold her in contempt but when you go to court the judge will just slap her on the wrist and say now don't you do it again...and she will do it again and it won't matter.

    I'm sorry I don't have more encouragement. Just know that this happens all the time, way too often, so you're not alone, but it is what it is. You just have to be the bigger person, be consistent with SS, and hope he sees her for what she really is and you guys for what you really are.
    Report Reply
  • SimpleJaneSimpleJane member
    What reason do you have to believe she is saying these things to SS? Other than him being distant is there anything else? Because if that is all then I'm thinking you are jumping to some pretty big conclusions.
    Report Reply
  • JessH1474JessH1474 member

    We have mutual friends who we've heard things through, which were the examples I listed originally and just SS's behavior in general.  He is usually a very talkative kid who loves to spend time with DH, now the responses DH is getting through texts seem to indicate that he's being told to tell DH certain things.  For instance, DH sent SS a text this past weekend asking how his weekend was going and what he was up to.  "SS" replied and said "I don't appreciate you asking me what I'm doing or who I'm with".  Obviously, that came from BM I'm sure, b/c SS would NEVER say something like that in general much less to DH.  On a freaking cell phone that we may for each mom none the less! 

    Report Reply
  • MommyEllenSueMommyEllenSue member
    I'm sorry this is happening. Unfortunately it happens all to often. You can tell when a child is being put in the middle by the other parent. Don't get discouraged your DH just needs to be consistent with SS and not get mad or say anything about BM. There's also the chance that BM was actually the one that texted you back on SS phone.
    Report Reply
  • EarthandFireEarthandFire member
    My BH's ex is similar. She oversteps her boundaries, says horrible things and makes up stories. Unfortunately people believe her and we have to go through the hardship of setting them straight. To us the bottom line is don't stop no matter what response you get. If you withdraw it only reinforces what BM says. There is nothing against you asking why he's been so distant the next time he visits either or talking to his teacher. They hear all sorts of stuff. Good luck. It's hard to take the high road but your SS will see through it.
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"