Has this been discussed?

kellijo1013 · September 2013

Sorry if this has already been posted and I missed it.

Parents "pissed" at IVF twins.

https://www.cnn.com/2013/09/04/health/babble-twins-ivf-multiples/index.html?hpt=hp_t2

I mean, really, they didn't discuss this with their doctors first?

Nita2603 · September 2013

I can't say anything even remotely nice about this. I just can't even go there. What twats.

RichardSlap · September 2013

I believe I have read the firsthand articles written by the couple, and it seemed extreme. I can understand having mixed feelings about any pregnancy, but to think you have "ruined" your family after getting exactly what you paid for...seems idiotic.

nanabanana06 · September 2013

They should just be happy to be pregnant. For fucks sakes!

thetheisens · September 2013

They had to know their odds were greater for twins? (or am I wrong about that?) Even my dh's boss was told when they started trying after their first set of faternal twins that their odds for a second set was actually greater. They had a second set of twins. It just seems like a huge over reaction to say their family is ruined. People get much more dramatic, life changing news about pregnancy and their children than finding out you are having healthy twins.

MintBerryCrunch · September 2013

Totally awful. They paid for this and knew what they were getting into with IVF. The idea of twins is overwhelming to think about, but to say that their family is "ruined" is bullshit.

ShaunaT25 · September 2013

Wow. This is disgusting. Wishing for one of your children to have a genetic anomaly so you can abort one of them?! Why would you ever write these thoughts out.

MrsLafferty25 · September 2013

Poor babies:( I would love to have just one more baby, but if I got pregnant with twice I would be so excited. Of course I would stress about it, but I just couldn't imagine being unhappy with getting pregnant with twins.

74dragonfly · September 2013

This makes me ragey. I know several ladies who had multiple failed IVF who would love to be blessed with two.

Maebb · September 2013

PP pretty much covered my feelings on this. I get that the people might feel overwhelmed, but to say that they're pissed, angry, that their family is "ruined" is wrong and in very poor taste.

My SIL and her H had three failed IUIs and two failed IVFs. They eventually decided to pursue adoption instead because they were at their limit financially and emotionally. They would have loved to have twins, as would most families who are dealing with infertility. I'm not even going to mention this article to her because I know it would be so hurtful that this couple got what they wanted for 8 years, and now they're being ungrateful brats about it. I certainly hope their feelings change when the twins are born. Maybe the initial feelings of panic will dissipate, and I hope they do make it work and love these children, like the commenter said at the end of the article.

CinemaGoddess · September 2013

What the actual fuck?

CinemaGoddess · September 2013

This is making me incredibly angry.

Having twins is hard, yo. Rally hard. These people had this procedure done and anyone with half a brain knows that it can result in twins. You Google this shit and there are comments GALORE about how twins were the result.

Fuck these people. Even if you have these thoughts, you do NOT put them on the internet for all to read about, let alone these poor kids reading about this in 10-15 years and knowing that their parents did not want one of them.

Not to go all Pain Olympics on this, but these people need to step the fuck back and consider what it's like to get pregnant with twins when you weren't trying and through two forms of birth control. THEN they have a right to freak the fuck out and maybe have these thoughts. But, again, DO NOT PUT THEM ON THE INTERNET.

secretsout · September 2013

Honestly, I think they have a right to be upset, scared, worried, etc., because of course having twins adds a whole new level of difficulty to the pregnancy and life in general.

However, I think their reaction is extreme considering that they paid for a procedure to get pregnant, and they implanted two embryos. They had to have acknowledged the risk that both would take, right?

CinemaGoddess · September 2013

GhostMonkey said:

I disagree with every one of you and hate that you are judging these people for having a difficult time coming to terms with this. You are absolutely turning it into the pain Olympics.

If someone of 1st tri told someone they had to be happy for a pregnancy because other people are struggling to conceive, you guys would be first in line to rip the shit out of them. But these people come out and express their feelings and they get called horrible people, told they shouldn't be parents. Yes, let's have them just bottle up those feelings instead of expressing them and working through them.

I really thought you guys were better than this.

I judge them for putting these thoughts out on the doesn't-ever-forget Internet.

ETA: And if they need to express their opinions, it's much better to do so in the company of a counselor. At least then they could actually work through their problems in a logical fashion instead of putting them somewhere where these kids may possibly see it.

I stand by my judgement of these people.

RayRay007 · September 2013

Ok, I didn't actually read the article when I first saw this posted on another board. All they said was "we're pissed. And terrified, and angry, and guilty, and regretful." and, as the wife received the news, "In my mind I had done nothing less than ruin our family" . I think a lot of people have similar reactions when they find out they're having twins. Maybe they wouldn't put it in such strong words, but just because they were terrified and angry and thought they had ruined everything when they first found out they were having twins, doesn't make them horrible people. Without more details I'm not going to assume those feelings carried through past the birth of the twins.

RayRay007 · September 2013

Brandi Bee said:

What gets me is "we wish one of them had an anomaly so we could abort".

That makes me sick. Essentially they are saying they are okay with reducing the pregnancy but only if they have some kind of reason that still doesn't make them look bad (which, too late folks). Fuck that shit. If they only wanted one kid and really think their family is ruined, they should reduce the damn pregnancy and quit bitching. I would judge that a lot less.

I didn't see this. I can understand if it was a fleeting thought when they first found out. I would probably never admit it though if I felt that way. Again, I'm not going to assume they resented their babies forever.

ShaunaT25 · September 2013

kiraliz2 said:

Can someone point out where they said that @BrandiBee @Fredalina? I cannot find that statement.

We considered a reduction for about 30 seconds. (That’s essentially an abortion of one twin, not both.) If you thought that IVF involved playing god, a reduction felt beyond brazen — Machiavellian, even. Give us a reason, we thought, as we had the twins tested for genetic anomalies. None came.

CinemaGoddess · September 2013

GhostMonkey said:

CinemaGoddess said:

GhostMonkey said:

I disagree with every one of you and hate that you are judging these people for having a difficult time coming to terms with this. You are absolutely turning it into the pain Olympics.

If someone of 1st tri told someone they had to be happy for a pregnancy because other people are struggling to conceive, you guys would be first in line to rip the shit out of them. But these people come out and express their feelings and they get called horrible people, told they shouldn't be parents. Yes, let's have them just bottle up those feelings instead of expressing them and working through them.

I really thought you guys were better than this.

I judge them for putting these thoughts out on the doesn't-ever-forget Internet.

ETA: And if they need to express their opinions, it's much better to do so in the company of a counselor. At least then they could actually work through their problems in a logical fashion instead of putting them somewhere where these kids may possibly see it.

I stand by my judgement of these people.

Yes, a therapist would be a much better place for this. I suppose anyone that has discussed any PPD issues should also get their ass off the internet as well, correct?

PPD is light years away from saying you're pissed you got pregnant with twins via a method that is notorious for producing twins.

You're really reaching here with your chastising, GM.

MrsJakes · September 2013

ShaunaT25 said:

kiraliz2 said:

Can someone point out where they said that @BrandiBee @Fredalina? I cannot find that statement.

We considered a reduction for about 30 seconds. (That’s essentially an abortion of one twin, not both.) If you thought that IVF involved playing god, a reduction felt beyond brazen — Machiavellian, even. Give us a reason, we thought, as we had the twins tested for genetic anomalies. None came.

I don't see this line in the article?

CinemaGoddess · September 2013

Where did I say they have to be happy about this? They don't. I also never said they were horrible parents. Again, you're reaching.

PPD is light years different from wishing your child had a genetic abnormality so you could abort it.

Also, when someone here comes in complaining of PPD (with or without the history of depression) the first thing they are told is to talk to a doctor.

ShaunaT25 · September 2013

GhostMonkey said:

CinemaGoddess said:

GhostMonkey said:

CinemaGoddess said:

GhostMonkey said:

I disagree with every one of you and hate that you are judging these people for having a difficult time coming to terms with this. You are absolutely turning it into the pain Olympics.

If someone of 1st tri told someone they had to be happy for a pregnancy because other people are struggling to conceive, you guys would be first in line to rip the shit out of them. But these people come out and express their feelings and they get called horrible people, told they shouldn't be parents. Yes, let's have them just bottle up those feelings instead of expressing them and working through them.

I really thought you guys were better than this.

I judge them for putting these thoughts out on the doesn't-ever-forget Internet.

ETA: And if they need to express their opinions, it's much better to do so in the company of a counselor. At least then they could actually work through their problems in a logical fashion instead of putting them somewhere where these kids may possibly see it.

I stand by my judgement of these people.

Yes, a therapist would be a much better place for this. I suppose anyone that has discussed any PPD issues should also get their ass off the internet as well, correct?

PPD is light years away from saying you're pissed you got pregnant with twins via a method that is notorious for producing twins.

You're really reaching here with your chastising, GM.

So they have to be happy because they apparently got what they wanted and need to shut up because other people are struggling?

Got it. I guess they should give all 3 of their kids up for adoption because they are just awful people who don't deserve to be parents.

PPD is not light years away, especially given the mother in this instance has a history of it and it is possible to have depression during pregnancy.

Being anxious about having twins is normal. Wishing for one of them to have a genetic anomaly so you can abort is disgusting and something is seriously wrong with you. If you are having these kind of feelings about it, go get help, don't blog about it.

ASmallWonder · September 2013

CTGirl30 said:

No one asks to have PPD. This couple was voluntarily undergoing a procedure with the intent to result in at least one viable fetus and quite possibly more than one. This wasn't a secret that they could very well have ended up with two. If that was such a horrible possible outcome to then, then just implant the one embryo and take your chances there.

@CTGirl30 you just typed exactly what I was thinking. You don't choose PPD. It happens without your consent. These people played fertility Russian Roulette and are shocked and pissed that they got shot, so to speak.

CinemaGoddess · September 2013

GhostMonkey said:

CTGirl30 said:

No one asks to have PPD. This couple was voluntarily undergoing a procedure with the intent to result in at least one viable fetus and quite possibly more than one. This wasn't a secret that they could very well have ended up with two. If that was such a horrible possible outcome to then, then just implant the one embryo and take your chances there.

So they have to be happy if it's 1 or 5 babies. Got it.

What the shit is up your vag today, GM?

ASmallWonder · September 2013

GhostMonkey said:

CTGirl30 said:

No one asks to have PPD. This couple was voluntarily undergoing a procedure with the intent to result in at least one viable fetus and quite possibly more than one. This wasn't a secret that they could very well have ended up with two. If that was such a horrible possible outcome to then, then just implant the one embryo and take your chances there.

So they have to be happy if it's 1 or 5 babies. Got it.

Do they have to be ecstatic? No. Do they have to accept it without acting like this was something done TO them? Yes. GM you really surprise me on how you react to posts. I could totally see you on first tri admonishing someone who posted "I don't use any form of birth control and I am PISSED I got pregnant!" If someone takes a risk they have to accept the result. This was not something they were blind sided by. They just crossed their fingers and hoped for the best, like people who practice pull n pray. Except we tell people that if your pulling and praying doesn't work and you end up pregnant and it will ruin your life (as these people have said), you are being reckless.

CinemaGoddess · September 2013

DUDE.

ARE YOU EVEN READING MY POSTS?

insertclevername · September 2013

fredalina said:

I don't think anyone is saying they have to be thrilled. I think they're saying they crossed a line. But truthfully, when we were discussing IVF with our RE, he made it very clear that 1) He would not transfer multiple embryos if we were not open to twins (he would do an eSET, which studies are now showing is just as effective as transferring multiple embryos in most women), and 2) Even if we did an eSET, risk of identical twins goes up somewhat so there would still be a higher chance than a normal pregnancy, and 3) They do not selectively reduce twin pregnancies ever. I find it very likely these folks were informed of the risks and buried their heads in the sand. And yeah, that does mean they don't get to be as pissed off as they are.

This is where I am at as well. I don't get why they are pissed off enough to say that they wish one of the babies had a genetic anomaly so that they could abort, when they knew there was an increased chance of multiples with the procedure.

ASmallWonder · September 2013

I also want to say that if these parents are in such a shitty place that they'd be all "Score! That one's fucked up so now we can get rid of it!" they really are assholes. They want only to not feel badly so they won't abort one child that they clearly don't want so they're hoping for it to have problems. I'll say it - that's the shittiest parent I can think of.

littlestjerry · September 2013

Being resentful of your kid is totally normal. Being terrified of conceiving twins and wondering what it will do to your family is normal. Being pissed that a somewhat common outcome to a purposeful action actually occurred is a little off. Writing a rant on the internet in which you hope for a reason to abort is gross.

CinemaGoddess · September 2013

GhostMonkey said:

fredalina said:

@GhostMonkey, I think you are reading WAY too much into the comments. No one is commenting about you, or anyone but the two people the article is about. And to my knowledge you've never wished your son had some genetic abnormality so you could have felt justified in aborting him. And if you have, you're still a step above them because you didn't publish it nationally where your son may see it someday. There's a difference (HUGE) between "I struggle with parenthood; it's not what I expected it to be" and "I never wanted my son and wished I would have aborted him".

They are wishing for an easy way out. Not a great way and I would bet they hate themselves for thinking it.

And why is this article coming up again? Because this shit has been discussed before. This exact situation.

They don't hate themselves enough to not put it on the internet.

ASmallWonder · September 2013

CinemaGoddess said:

GhostMonkey said:

fredalina said:

@GhostMonkey, I think you are reading WAY too much into the comments. No one is commenting about you, or anyone but the two people the article is about. And to my knowledge you've never wished your son had some genetic abnormality so you could have felt justified in aborting him. And if you have, you're still a step above them because you didn't publish it nationally where your son may see it someday. There's a difference (HUGE) between "I struggle with parenthood; it's not what I expected it to be" and "I never wanted my son and wished I would have aborted him".

They are wishing for an easy way out. Not a great way and I would bet they hate themselves for thinking it.

And why is this article coming up again? Because this shit has been discussed before. This exact situation.

They don't hate themselves enough to not put it on the internet.

Winner winner chicken dinner.

CinemaGoddess · September 2013

GhostMonkey said:

CinemaGoddess said:

GhostMonkey said:

fredalina said:

@GhostMonkey, I think you are reading WAY too much into the comments. No one is commenting about you, or anyone but the two people the article is about. And to my knowledge you've never wished your son had some genetic abnormality so you could have felt justified in aborting him. And if you have, you're still a step above them because you didn't publish it nationally where your son may see it someday. There's a difference (HUGE) between "I struggle with parenthood; it's not what I expected it to be" and "I never wanted my son and wished I would have aborted him".

They are wishing for an easy way out. Not a great way and I would bet they hate themselves for thinking it.

And why is this article coming up again? Because this shit has been discussed before. This exact situation.

They don't hate themselves enough to not put it on the internet.

So the problem is they are talking about it?

::pinches bridge of nose::

The problem is they put those thoughts out on the internet. Not that they had them. I appreciate being terrified out of your gourd when you find out you're having twins.

The dick move was putting it out there for all (including their kids) to see. This falls squarely under the header "Just because you can, doesn't mean you should."

angelashly · September 2013

jsgrl613 said:
Honestly, I think they have a right to be upset, scared, worried, etc., because of course having twins adds a whole new level of difficulty to the pregnancy and life in general.

However, I think their reaction is extreme considering that they paid for a procedure to get pregnant, and they implanted two embryos. They had to have acknowledged the risk that both would take, right?

I feel like this too. Why not just implant one at a time? Or is that not possible? We don't know what they were told by their doctors and I see the blind faith in doctors a lot where I work.

All that being said they are extreme and I agree the internet is the wrong way to go about getting your feelings out.

CinemaGoddess · September 2013

24 hour news cycle whut?

Has this been discussed?

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