requesting a c-section

Athena0303 · September 2013

I want to know how to request a c-section - i.e., get my doctor(s) to agree to one. I'm scared to tell my doctor my concerns because I know if I start talking about it, I will break down crying in the office. My concerns are as follows:
1) I have a history of pelvic pain/issues for which I've had several years (on and off) of physical therapy. I am terrified that vaginal birth will worsen these issues.
2) I was sexually abused in the past and cannot stop freaking out about the entire process of giving birth, especially tearing, vaginal pain, feeling them put in stitches, etc. I keep having panic attacks and crying uncontrollably just thinking about it. I try to relax, breathe, do yoga, etc., but working on relaxing makes me feel even worse.
3) I'll be nearly 40 (2 months' shy) when I give birth, and I read that something like 40% of women my age end up with a c-section anyway.
4) If I end up with a C-section, then it would be easier to have a scheduled one than an emergency one.
5) I feel that knowing I'm going to have a c-section is going to calm me down way more (yes, I know recovery is painful, but for some reason stabbing pains in my abdomen do not freak me out as much as #1 & #2 above).

Finally, don't judge me. I was never going to have kids because I have been terrified of childbirth FOREVER, and I accidentally got pregnant (I VERY much want the baby....just not the birth process).

2MamazInSeattle · September 2013

https://www.pennysimkin.com/shop/when-survivors-give-birth/

Lurking here, but you might want to check out this book by Childbirth Educator Penny Simkin. She does counseling (and so do many others) specifically for survivors in your situation. In any case, the book may help a little regardless of the birthing route you take. Talk to you doc, and just make sure you understand the risks of the C-section, etc.

Good luck to you!

happyturtle03 · September 2013

If talking about it is hard, maybe you could print this out or write it out similarly and hand it to your Dr when you say you'd prefer a C-section. The stressing isn't good for you or baby, so it would probably be best just to take that stress away by getting this conversation over and done with. Don't be afraid to voice your concerns to your Dr though, seriously! If it is bothering, upsetting, or worrying you, that is enough to make it a valid topic for discussion and you need a Dr who listens to you.

kelley72 · September 2013

I'm so sorry for your painful past emotionally and physiclly. I have never had a c-section so I am beyond scared of that, after four healthy vaginal deliveries I can't imagine desiring one, but my experience is vastly different than yours so please do not feel I am judging you. I support all women attempting to have the delivery of their choice (within reason and healthy choice for the baby of course), your preferance seems reasonable. I hope you find the courage to discuss your fears with your dr I think and hope you will find them approachable and able to assist you with information/counseling and/or validate your choice. I wish you a happy and healthy delivery experience!

LucyRicardo3 · September 2013

No judgement here.
I hope you get the support you need to make this experience of becoming a mother, something to celebrate and not add to more of your trauma.
I have had 3 types of deliveries. Vaginal non-med, Vag induced-med, and c/s (unplanned). My c/s experience was not stellar as I was extremely sensitive to whatever medicine was given to me and I vomited the entire procedure. Also I had been in labor for 36 hours with an epidural prior to the c/s and was completely exhausted. (Baby B turned breech at 8cm) It was not my regular doctor that did the procedure, either, and I was so unprepared I had not educated myself what to request/expect, much less communicate to the nurses what my wishes were.

if you are able to get support for your request, make sure that you still communicate with your dr and nurses how you wish this to play out. Do your research and the best piece of advice I can give is, try to get someone to stay with you when you get home so chores around the house will get done and you can rest. Accept help and meals! Hopefully you will have a smooth recovery, but it does take a lot of time since it is major abdominal surgery.

Best wishes to you!

wendylouwhoknew · September 2013

Have you thought about getting an epidural? Having delivered 5 naturally and c-section, I think I'm a little qualified to say that c-section SUCKS. Vaginal delivery is easier to recover from and less complications. That being said, I have not had the problems you have had, either.

Maybe this could be a new beginning for you. Once you left the land of childless and became pregnant, you entered a new world and you don't have to allow the old one to impact you in a bad way. I agree, if you can't talk to your doctor, print out what you posted. But also know, there is a chance your doctor may try to talk you out of c-section because it is a surgery, it is invasive, there are more chances of infection and healing time is significantly more than vaginal.

Regardless on what you decide, if you really want it, don't let them talk you out of it. It is your right. But you also have the ability to be the survivor and not the victim and not allow your past to rule your future. I wish you the best of luck in your decision, whichever way you go. And congratulations

>:D<

NicoleWI · September 2013

I'm lurking over here...sorry for your past trauma and agree that you need to talk to your doctor. I just wanted to throw in a counter-experience. I had 2 vaginal births and one c-section. For me, the c-section was a breeze! Everyone's different and there's no way to predict how things would go for you. in your case, sounds like a c-section would relieve a ton of stress during the pregnancy.

Guennie · September 2013

I think what everyone has said is such great advice, and I want to support the suggestion that some counseling could really help you through this. I also have a history of abuse and I'm happy to say that while I do still find the prospect of childbirth scary, I have been able to separate the two experiences. Whether or not you opt for a c section, please get some help so you can begin to find healing. I'm so sorry for what you've been through, please don't let it steal the joy from your future experiences. Hugs!!

Athena0303 · September 2013

Thank everyone for your help. I am going to start taking a hypnobirthing class to see if it could allay some of my fears or at least calm me down before actually going to the hospital to give birth. I think also I am going to stop reading about childbirth....too many horror stories! I've been so far spending a few minutes each night doing deep breathing and listening to nature music to try to calm down before sleeping. I am also trying to remind myself that everything I'm afraid of can't possibly happen all at the same time (e.g., being afraid I somehow won't get to have an epidural, and then being afraid I won't be able to push the baby out if I get one). I honestly wish I could have a home birth with a full medical staff of my own LOL...I just hate hospitals, and yet I'd freak out if I didn't have access to medication if I needed it. I am not going to request a C-section after all, but I will talk to my doctor about some of my fears and ask what I can do at the hospital to not feel so invaded, etc. I think a lot of this is just about feeling I'm out of control of my own body, and then feeling like doctors (authority figures) will have more say than I will. Obviously this brings up a lot of past things, whether I want it to or not.

Thanks again for the book suggestion too...I'm going to read that eventually (after my break from reading about childbirth...sometimes you can just have TOO much information).

wendylouwhoknew · September 2013

I think you made an excellent point about the childbirth stories. Now that you mention it, I remember my daughter having massive fears, as well, and then when I looked in the netflix queue so had all these different birth things in there that would make a season birther, like me afraid. I was able to allay her fears and get her calmed down, since I had 7 children, and once she stopped watching baby factory things, it was much easier. I was able to get her into meditation, and she was the calmest person I have ever seen give birth. Not a single scream. I was really proud of her.

VineyardMel · September 2013

I'm another lurker. I have a history of major pelvic/vaginal pain including several years of treatments and ultimately surgery. I talked it over with my OB, considered all the risks, and had a primary C/S with DD last year (4mo before 40!). It was absolutely the best decision for me (and my recovery was super easy). It took A LOT to get my vag in working condition and it made no sense to add more trauma to the area and potentially undo all the work done to fix my issues. C/S isn't something to take lightly, but it also isn't as awful (and sometimes evil) as it can be made out to be. I really encourage you to talk with your OB about the options that will be best for you.

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