Hubby wants me to pump

jynxxy · September 2013

HI ladies,

I;ve been EBF for the past 12 weeks, and its been going very well. My husband wants me to pump so he can start giving him bottles, but I don't want to do it. He wants some reasons as to why EBF is better for our son than combo of breast and bottle (with pumped breast milk). Other than the convenience, and the fact that I'd still have to pump while he drank from the bottle to keep my supply up, any other reasons I can use to my advantage? I know he wants to feed baby so he can have that time with him, but there really is so much more that he can do for our baby. Breastfeeding is the only thing that I can do that he can't, and I may be selfish, but I don't want to share.

Thanks!

suv75 · September 2013

I read somewhere that some antibodies are only passed when directly feeding from breast.

CLLDLL · September 2013

suv75 said:

I read somewhere that some antibodies are only passed when directly feeding from breast.

This is true, and a good reason to continue EBF'ing. Also, baby's saliva on your nipple is what signals your body to change the fat content, etc. of your milk as baby grows.

That being said, I don't think it's a terrible idea for you to pump an occasional bottle for your DH to give. What if you had a sudden illness or had to go out of town for a night? It's not a bad idea to know that baby can/will take a bottle. We started out with two bottles a week when LO was around 5 weeks. (I had to go back to work at 10 weeks, so we chose to start pretty early.)

=Lee=B · September 2013

Why don't you just pump a few bottles, once every other day or so....my guess is that after a few tries at bottle feeding the novelty will wear off for your husband.

He's trying to feel connected to your baby too...which is really important for all. Could be worse, he could be pressuring you to let him give formula bottles etc.

Once you have one bottle to let your husband feed while he's feeding pump another bottle for the next feed (a day or 2 later). It won't be that much extra work, aside from the first bottle. Oh, and make your husband clean all the bottles HA.

M0ON · September 2013

If its important to you, stand your ground. There are other things he can do to bond with your little one, just because they dont involve food doesnt make them any less meaningful.

blu-eyedwife · September 2013

For me, the convenience factor of not having to deal with the pump would be the only reason I'd fight this battle. However, the convenience factor of being able to leave the house for a couple of hours outweighs that big time! It's fabulous you're enjoying breastfeeding, but don't you want to go out with the girls, get a mani/pedi, go shopping, or anything? It's good for you to get out too!

That being said, a lot of the breast feeding benefits (immunity, decrease in childhood obesity, etc.) do come directly from the breast and not from the breastmilk.

sschwege · September 2013

My MIL used to give us a hard time about this, yes you read that right, my MIL! Anyway, I finally told her a quote I read once, "The father is the first person to teach the baby that you don't need food to be comforted." An important role I think. There are plenty of other ways he can bond.

That being said, now is a good time to introduce a bottle if you plan to do so. What about letting your husband give one once a week or something?

OkieMama · September 2013

I remember having those same feelings. I wasn't ready to give up the privilege of being the only source of food for LO. After having LO all to myself for 9 months I liked having something that was still just ours. It wasn't so much about not letting DH in on the bonding, I just thought the first pumped bottle would open the floodgates for parents and ILs to start feeling entitled to take over feedings as well. That being said, I think a lot of it was emotions and hormones than actual sound reasons. I eventually had to start pumping because I went back to work part time for a few months before becoming a SAHM. I think it's fine to let DH give a bottle or two, while you get to sleep perhaps? but I think the novelty will wear off for him and he will see that pumping is a hassle for you. But having a backup stash is never a bad idea. Sorry this is a novel, I just really related to your sentiment and I wanted to let you know it'll be ok. You can go slow, it doesn't have to change everything. GL!

camedowncrushing · September 2013

I don't think you are selfish. It is a pain in the neck to pump, and if you don't have to I don't see any reason to.

kelly422 · September 2013

CLLDLL said:

suv75 said:

I read somewhere that some antibodies are only passed when directly feeding from breast.

This is true, and a good reason to continue EBF'ing. Also, baby's saliva on your nipple is what signals your body to change the fat content, etc. of your milk as baby grows.

@CLLDLL I've never heard this - do you know any of the papers this data comes from? (I like to read things for myself)

blush64 · September 2013

M0ON said:

If its important to you, stand your ground. There are other things he can do to bond with your little one, just because they dont involve food doesnt make them any less meaningful.

This. I don't think it's fair for him to pressure you to do that. He might not think it's fair but it's life. You have the breasts, you can breastfeed and you shouldn't be forced or pressured to pump. He can bond in so many other ways. I would be angry if my husband tried to push me to pump.

I breastfeed two sons for two years each and didn't use one bottle, it's possible. It's up to you if you want to use a bottle or not and it's not better one way or the other. It just depends on what works for you.

EDIT I want to add. I wouldn't want to fight over this but I wouldn't be pushed in to it either. I would talk to him and show him all the other things he can do.

jynxxy · September 2013

Thank you ladies! I see where he is coming from, but there really are more ways he can bond with the baby. I feel like it is my body, and my milk, and I shouldn't pump for him to give our baby a bottle until (and If) I am comfortable with it. I do get a lot of socializing with my girlfriends, I get time to myself, I just have to time it properly, and I'm perfectly happy with that. I am a SAHM, and have other SAHM friends who EBF without using bottles. It's reassuring to know that I am not being unreasonable.

Thanks again!

[Deleted User] · September 2013

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jess9802 · September 2013

I think people enjoy feeding babies - whether nursing or bottle-feeding. There are lots of ways to bond with baby, but of all those things the one I enjoy the most is nursing. Feeding your child is a very sweet thing, and men enjoy it too. Yeah pumping can be annoying, but if you're only doing it once a day it's not that big of a deal. The pump parts can be washed in the dishwasher.

I would not die on this hill.

musicalsilver · September 2013

kelly422 said:

CLLDLL said:

suv75 said:

I read somewhere that some antibodies are only passed when directly feeding from breast.

This is true, and a good reason to continue EBF'ing. Also, baby's saliva on your nipple is what signals your body to change the fat content, etc. of your milk as baby grows.

@CLLDLL I've never heard this - do you know any of the papers this data comes from? (I like to read things for myself)

This! I'd never read this and would love to see some supporting literature!

OP - I'd introduce a bottle just so that you can be prepared for when you want an evening out and want to leave LO with a sitter or something like that. But I second PPs suggestion that you have your husband wash/sterilize all the parts if he wants to do it regularly, it's such a pain in the butt!

kelly422 · September 2013

@blue-eyed wife and @suv75 Can you send me the literature that supports this, please? Thanks!

Ceefome · September 2013

jess9802 said:
I think people enjoy feeding babies - whether nursing or bottle-feeding. There are lots of ways to bond with baby, but of all those things the one I enjoy the most is nursing. Feeding your child is a very sweet thing, and men enjoy it too. Yeah pumping can be annoying, but if you're only doing it once a day it's not that big of a deal. The pump parts can be washed in the dishwasher.

I would not die on this hill.

I agree. It's not like he's asking you to completely EP, it's a bottle here and there. And he is the baby's father, it's not like it's your mom or MIL asking.

Shoecrazysarah · September 2013

kelly422 said:
@blue-eyed wife and @suv75 Can you send me the literature that supports this, please? Thanks!

Me too please

mexicolombiana · September 2013

Part of me wants to jump up and say : Don't do it! Pumping SUCKS! He can bond with the baby MANY other ways. But part of me understands where he's coming from. Sit down and tell him that pumping is awful and that you don't want to really do it often.

I might pump a few times (NOT once a day btw unless you have to) and let him try to feed the baby, but emphasize that you're only doing it once in a while, and that's it much more work than just breastfeeding. My husband didn't care at all about feeding our kids so it wasn't an issue with us. But since he is your husband and your baby's daddy maybe do it a few times but tell him it sucks and you don't want to do it often.

Or something like that. I'm assuming he'll do it a few times and then you can move along since soon the baby will be eating solid food and if he really wants to feed the baby so much, he can feed the heck out of the baby when they're eating solid foods!

kelly422 · September 2013

christel811

I read that entire article and didn't see anything about LO's saliva - where did you see that part?

Also, your link to KellyMom didn't work, so can you repost it?

kelly422 · September 2013

@amyG Thank you - I've been reading the articles that the article sited and don't see anything convincing that saliva has a huge role. Point is that breastmilk, even if expressed, is better for immunity than formula. That's all I care about since I'm an EPer!

CLLDLL · September 2013

@kelly422 I'm pretty sure I read the info about saliva and antibodies on either kellymom or in "The Womanly Art of BF'ing" book. Unfortunately I'm at work right now. The IT department at work has classified kellymom as a site we can't get to. (It actually came up as "access denied due to reference to illegal drugs! wild huh?) But I did find these two articles from google.

https://nativemothering.com/2012/04/are-there-differences-between-breastfeeding-directly-and-bottle-feeding-expressed-milk/

https://nativemothering.com/2010/08/an-explanation-of-the-enteromammary-secretory-host-immune-system/

Also from what I'm reading, the changing fat and nutrient content comes more from how often baby is emptying the breast rather than baby's saliva. So I think as you pump less often as baby gets older you might end up with a changing fat/nutriend content too!

Kudos by the way for EP'ing and doing your research about! That's hard work & I'm in awe of your dedication!

JWSchwarz · September 2013

You would have to buy a pump. Does the cost of that justify it? We did, because I was going back to work and had to get a pump anyway. My Ds turned out to be a bottle refuser though so in my case, introducing a bottle once a day would have made life a helluva lot easier!

tndalles · September 2013

If you haven't read Dr. Jack Newman's Guide to Breast Feeding, I would get a copy. So much information on the benefits of exclusive breast feeding and entire section on how dads can bond with baby without directly feeding. Some examples include skin to skin time, message, bathing and reading.

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