I can't help but compare losing this baby to losing my first pregnancy. My first pregnancy was a missed miscarriage, at 11 weeks. It was so horrifically shocking - not so much the fact of it happening, but that I just knew, and I was right. We had told people about the baby already. We had to un-tell people. We had to endure all those well intentioned yet awful comments. "It's better it happened early....at least you don't have a baby with problems...." You know. Awful. All around. I was a wreck. For months.
So when I got pregnant this time, we didn't tell a soul. We didn't plan some big reveal - I kept on saying, "Let's wait until 14 weeks, if we make it that far." We didn't do anything really but consider a few names. I didn't let myself get excited. And again, I just felt like it wasn't going to happen. I didn't make the call for a doctor's appointment right away, I waited until the last days of week 4. I watched for spotting and blood constantly, and continued to take my BBT, just waiting for that drop. And then, bam. There it was. Yep. There's the spotting. Knew it.
When the bleeding started I called my doctor's office, hoping to at least be seen to get a blood test. I didn't have any hope of a good outcome, but I needed this baby to be known. But my doctor was out of town, and they agreed that I didn't really need to be seen. I miscarried painlessly at home and took a test today to make sure my levels had dropped. "Not Pregnant" flashed on the digi almost instantly.
I counted today, I knew I was pregnant for 10 days. It seems like nothing. It seems like it "didn't count." Nobody knew, I never saw a doctor. I only bled for two days. My baby just vanished, like he or she was never even there.
Missed m/c 4.2011 @ 11 weeks
Early m/c 8.2013 @ 5 weeks