Anyone else have smothering IL's?

Re: Anyone else have smothering IL's?

• bnikiz member

  September 2013

  I kind of wish my ils gave a shit lol this is their sixth grand child maybe thays it but.i dunno

  
  

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• klewis888 member

  September 2013

  You may feel smothered and texting everyday may be a little much, but count yourself lucky and also feel grateful that you have a MIL that is excited and cares. From the other horror stories I've read on here about monster-in-laws, you have it pretty good. For me, luckily I have a great relationship with my ILs and they are so excited and want to be involved as much as possible, which I would much rather have than having them not care at all.

  

  
  

  

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• N021282 member

  September 2013

  I feel your pain. I love my MIL, but my FIL is another story. They are divorced and she lives far away, but he unfortunately lives in the same town. I have a suspicion that he is also going to come to the hospital and stay for hours and he's going to overstay his welcome at our house once LO is born. I wonder if they don't realise that we want time with our babies to bond?

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• kjenkins346 member

  September 2013

  I understand your annoyance but try to remember, at least she is limiting herself (for the time being) to just sending texts which can be easily responded to ("Thanks, everything is fine") or ignored.  Imagine how much more frustrating it would be if she was calling or worse, stopping by every day.

  

  

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• Jenball717 member

  September 2013

  Consider how much your kids mean to you. Now consider that your dh is her only child. She is going to focus a lot of time and energy on him and his life because he is HER life! It sounds like she wants to be supportive and involved, in positive ways. I would give her a break and try to see her perspective, if I were in that situation. As it is, I have one of the monster in laws that pp mentioned and, trust me, your situation is highly enviable!

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• MySunshine213 member

  September 2013 edited September 2013

  I totally get it, that I'm lucky.  I always say that and more often than not I brag about MIL.  She is very helpful and adores DD.  But specifically when it's baby time, she just goes crazy.  I think there is still a line of personal space that needs to be respected (ie, when I'm nursing during the first week and it's taking a while bc the baby won't latch.. no, I am not comfortable doing that in front of you), and she seems to have a sense of 'entitlement' when it comes to her grandkids.. When I was PG with DD she said "This baby is just as much my baby as it is yours, since I gave birth to your husband".  Not in the typical grandmother "Oh I love my baby!" comment I've seen people complain about.. Like literally she considers herself a third parent.  

  I do not wish to be on the other end of it, where family is not involved at all - that makes me sad, and I know I have the 'preferred' situation.  Doesn't mean it doesn't suck at least a little, to have overbearing family.  Like someone else said, it's frustrating when you're trying to bond with your brand new baby, recover from delivery, and you have people breathing down your neck all day.  

  DD ~ 8/30/09 DS ~ 10/13/13

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• kjenkins346 member

  September 2013

  I agree that it sounds like her over-the-line behavior needs to be addressed (refusing to give you alone time with baby, etc) but these texts don't seem like a big deal, although I understand from your perspective they are just the first symptom of the overall issue. 

  If it was me, I would deal with the texts as politely as possible but don't encourage her by providing too much information, and keep an eye on her more extreme tendancies so you can try to nip them in the bud before they progress to the level they were with your last pregnancy/birth.

  

  

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• BrittanyCupcakes member

  September 2013

  I love my MIL, but she lives on the opposite side of the country, and I like it that way. She talks about moving out to California, and while I'd love for my little girl to have her grandmother be closer, I'm scared our relationship will turn into something from Everybody Loves Raymond if we have to see each other so often. 

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• HFrizzle member

  September 2013

  Don't tell her you're in labor and set up some boundaries. It's very easy to do and if your DH is on board he can help to reinforce then.

  
  

  DD#1~Emma Dawn 12/19/00 7lb 10 oz 21"

  DD#2~Daphney Mae 04/17/03 7lb 13oz 21"

  DD#3~Grace Deonea 05/20/10 8lb 2oz 21"

      DS#1~Brody Maxwell born 10/16/13 8lb 10oz 21"

  
  

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• burduewedding member

  September 2013

  I know exactly how you feel but my mil will just show up at our house with food...because she thinks I cook to healthy...and gives dd all the junk food and crap. My mil is going to be out of the county all October so I don't have to worry about her camping out at the hospital lol.

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• hartsl01 member

  September 2013

  Maybe this time around, don't call her the minute you go into labor. We're not planning on calling parents until we know for sure the baby will be born in just a few hours. Unless of course you're planning on having your MIL watch your daughter and you'd need to call her right away.

  
  

  I also agree with PP's, it's great that she's involved and is excited, but I also understand that it gets to be a little much when it's non-stop texting and calling. If I were in your shoes, I probably wouldn't answer every single text or call, but that's me.

  
  

  

  
  

  

  
  

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• Amcdonnel1028 member

  September 2013

  I feel your pain. It's a little much. I go through the same thing..

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• EmJ&B member

  September 2013

  Oh I hear this . . . yes, it's great that they care and it's lovely that they want to be involved and yes it (might) suck if they didn't seem to care.

  HOWEVER, there is absolutely a line and it absolutely needs to be respected. AND the location of the line is different for everyone.

  My MIL rushed right out to buy a crib when I was only 5 weeks pregnant because she had to be the one to buy it. MIL's mother insisted on making curtains (even tho I wanted to make them) when I was about 14 weeks and wouldn't take no for an answer - even tho I wanted to wait until we knew what the baby was. MIL, her mother, her sisters, etc, all want to drop in about once a week to "visit" and never wait to be invited. MIL is currently making a diaper stacker out of the same awful curtain fabric - never mind asking if I'd like that. MIL's mother doesn't like the rug that DH and I have chosen for the nursery so she's going to buy another one . . . and on and on and on and on . . .

  Obviously they care and it's very nice. Which is why I don't object. But, like OP said, I do feel quite smothered.

  Daniel ~ October 21, 2013
  
  
  
  

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• kjenkins346 member

  September 2013

  EmJ&B said:

  Oh I hear this . . . yes, it's great that they care and it's lovely that they want to be involved and yes it (might) suck if they didn't seem to care.

  HOWEVER, there is absolutely a line and it absolutely needs to be respected. AND the location of the line is different for everyone.

  My MIL rushed right out to buy a crib when I was only 5 weeks pregnant because she had to be the one to buy it. MIL's mother insisted on making curtains (even tho I wanted to make them) when I was about 14 weeks and wouldn't take no for an answer - even tho I wanted to wait until we knew what the baby was. MIL, her mother, her sisters, etc, all want to drop in about once a week to "visit" and never wait to be invited. MIL is currently making a diaper stacker out of the same awful curtain fabric - never mind asking if I'd like that. MIL's mother doesn't like the rug that DH and I have chosen for the nursery so she's going to buy another one . . . and on and on and on and on . . .

  Obviously they care and it's very nice. Which is why I don't object. But, like OP said, I do feel quite smothered.

  Just because she buys/makes this stuff for you doesn't mean you have to use it, especially if she has already been told that you have already picked out/purchased what you plan to use.   She doesn't get to decorate your nursery, she had her chance with her children, now it's your and DH's turn. 

  I would keep all this matching stuff together and when she complains/asks why you aren't using it, explain that AS YOU SAID, you had other ideas about how you wanted to decorate (which she was aware of and CHOOSE to ignore) so she is free to take these items back to decorate her own house if she would like. 
  

  

  

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• MammaWolf7 member

  September 2013

  At least your MIL didn't throw a hissy fit over not planning or helping out with the shower and then not even offer to help bring all the gifts to your house. Then they offered to take any of the gifts that we didn't need right away and put them in their nursery at their house. I told them we were all set because we would never see those gifts again.

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• yesthisiskim0401 member

  September 2013

  I have very socially awkward IL's. They are very uninvolved in our lives but when DD1 was born and I would close ourselves in her nursery to nurse her MIL would stand at the door and peek in on us every few minutes. I told DH and he lost his shit on his mom for me.

  
  

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• lmcarpinello member

  September 2013

  My Ml will send me text in the morning that say.. Have a great Monday and it makes me want to slam my phone .. haha 

  I was stupid enough to build a house right next to them, so no matter what I have to see them everyday!! I cant get away except when we go on vacation!!! 

  
  

  http://lbdf.lilypie.com/nZeXm4.png

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• Amcdonnel1028 member

  September 2013

  I feel your pain. It's a little much. I go through the same thing..

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• PongoLePond member

  September 2013

  My MIL is VERY involved and loves to help. Most of the time it's great but lately I've been wanting to tear my hair out. We only live 6 miles from her AND I work for her so I never get away from her. Every time I post anything about anything she turns it into a warning to "be careful or I might go into labor". Sometimes I just wanna eat my cheese burger and not think about being pregnant! Some days I swear she thinks she has a medical degree. It drives me up a wall! I made a general post of FB about being frustrated with everyone giving me pregnancy advice... Her comment was "don't get so stressed, it's not good for the baby to raise your blood pressure!" So OP I definitely feel your pain!

  

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