Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Feeling Empty

Last week I was supposed to have been 9 weeks. When we went in for an ultrasound we found out there was no heartbeat and the embryo was only measuring at 6 1/2 weeks.  I had a D & C Friday which went fine physically.  The bleeding stopped yesterday and I just have some minor cramping leftover today.  The emotional part however...not going so well.  My husband is being wonderful to me but I just feel empty.  That's the best word I can think of to describe how I'm feeling.  I know people mean well and I know "it wasn't my fault" and "it wasn't the right time" and "everything happens for a reason" and "at least I know I can get pregnant" and "this is very common and we can try again" and "It's wasn't God's plan yet" and "at least it happened early (what?!)" , etc etc etc.  I KNOW all of that but I gotta tell you that the only responses I find comfort in are the people who say something along the lines of "that's awful i'm so sorry" and leave it at that.  Strange I know but I already know all the other things I don't want to hear them anymore.  I'm feeling a loss and getting pregnant again will be wonderful and joyful but it won't replace the loss of the little life we created this time....so right now I just want to be able to grieve this loss to we can be ok to move forward and try again.  I know it was early but it still was a little person growing and living inside me at one point. I just want to feel "normal" again, not cry when I see a baby or pregnant woman or when I hear the name I loved......any suggestions for moving forward emotionally?  Strangely I have been feeling more comfort from ladies online who I have never met than those around me trying to uncomfortable and awkwardly trying to make me feel better.  I don't mean to sound bitter and I truly DO appreciate the love from my family and friends......but I just keep crying and don't know what to do to help me move past.  Suggestions?

Re: Feeling Empty

  • I don't have any great advice, but I just want to say that's awful and I'm so sorry. Hugs.

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    BFP#2 7/3/13.  U/S at 6w4d showed 1 heartbeat at 127 bmp and 2 empty sacs.  MMC discovered at 10w4d.  D&C 8/27/13.  Pathology showed normal boy.  Missing our babies every day.
    BFP#3 10/29/13!  Beta#1 at 4w5d - 2141, beta#2 at 5w1d - 7651!  U/S 11/21/13 showed baby measuring 2 days ahead with a heartbeat of 127 bmp!
  • Ugh. I'm so sorry. I really empathize with you and have felt so empty all weekend. We will move past when we are ready, but don't rush through what you are feeling. It was early, but in a way that just adds a more complicated level of pain and it's perfectly valid to be struggling with how to grieve for this. Being sad and upset does not mean you are losing hope. 
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    Married 10/16/2010  || TTC since 06/13
    BFP July 15, 2013; EDD April 5th, 2014 
    MMC; D&C August 21 || currently TTA

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  • I agree with halfcaffeinated, don't rush yourself to feel better. In your own time you will feel better, until then do something for yourself. Do something to honor your baby, I did and it was very releasing for me emotionally . I got a creeping Jenny plant and a really pretty ceramic pot. It's lovely and soothing to look at I had some quiet time outside this morning and it was nice to look over and see what we did for our little baby. I am truly sorry for your loss and I hope you find some peace and comfort soon!
  • I try to stay busy. If I sit at home,I dwell on it. I've been doing a lot of crafting and retail therapy. I am so sorry for your loss. People I know IRL don't really understand the pain I am going through. Sending thoughts & prayers
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    Recurrent Miscarriage Panel done 11/06/13. Results= All normal
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  • thank you ladies for all your kind, wise & thoughtful words.  I have to admit, I too have found most of my encouragement from these message boards.  Just knowing that I'm "normal" with what I'm feeling and going through.  You also gave me a great idea...I got a Pandora charm bracelet from my bridesmaids when I got married last April and it only has 2 charms so far.  I'm going to buy a new charm in remembrance for the little life that my husband and I first created.  Thank you for sparking that idea!!  I'm so sorry for all that all of you are and have gone through as well.  You all sound like remarkable and strong women!  THANK YOU and my thoughts are with you all!
  • I have also bought myself a ring that my husband and I will know the real meaning behind. I will explain if someone asks. I have been reading a lot (one of my hobbies) in the last few days. 1 in 4 pregnancies end in a miscarriage. That's pretty high. The problem is people don't talk about it. I only found out last week when I was talking to my parents about all of this that my grandmother had a miscarriage. Just know that there are more people out there who have experienced this than you think. We just live in a society where it isn't talked about.
  • It may have been early but if you're like me, I found out i was pregnant super early. I found out I lost my baby when I was a little over 8 weeks. That meant I had spent the last 5 weeks thinking of almost nothing besides baby. To me 5 weeks is a pretty long time to obsess over something we had been trying for almost a year. I'm so sorry this happened to you and I hope that you can find some comfort here. I know I have already. T&ps are with you
  • cmcookaln said:
    I have also bought myself a ring that my husband and I will know the real meaning behind. I will explain if someone asks. I have been reading a lot (one of my hobbies) in the last few days. 1 in 4 pregnancies end in a miscarriage. That's pretty high. The problem is people don't talk about it. I only found out last week when I was talking to my parents about all of this that my grandmother had a miscarriage. Just know that there are more people out there who have experienced this than you think. We just live in a society where it isn't talked about.

    I have a strong need for people to know this baby existed. Briefly but that child was there. It's on my Facebook. And I wear a necklace. I feel no shame in it, I loved that baby with all if my heart and I am grieving.
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    BFP 08/14/13 EDD 04/18/14 Natural MC 08/19/13
    BFP 10/15/13 EDD 06/24/2014 Natural MC 10/23/13
    Recurrent Miscarriage Panel done 11/06/13. Results= All normal
    BFP 12/2/13 EDD July 30, 2014
    Beta 12/3/13: 19,261!
    U/S 12/13/13 heart rate 143 bpm!

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  • I completely understand what you're saying. I just had laparoscopic surgery a day ago after having cramping and bleeding for a week and prepared myself to have a mc but then went to see dr again monday only to have a ultrasound and see the baby in my tube. I was sent to the ER the same day for surgery and now I'm home recovering. I'm a school teacher starting a new year with third graders and I'm feeling everything you said. I return to work on Tuesdsy but I'm missing the first two days of school this week. My friends and family are here for me but I feel better talking to all of you ladies bc I'm tired of hearing what people say when they don't know what to say. I'm afraid I'm going to return to work and the kids are gonna ask why I was out sick and ill just burst out crying. I'm living the idea of getting myself something so my baby isn't forgotten bc I was so happy we were able to get pregnant. I've been floating on a cloud taking such great care of myself etc. I'm 33 and have been waiting forever it feels like to find the right one get married and start a family. I knew pregnancy wasn't always easy or perfect but I feel shattered that this happened and I've had surgery. Thank you ladies for all of your posts. I feel so comforted by the ideas of what I will try to do to move on but I'm so sorry all of us are going through this. At this point I'm tired of laying around bc of my body needing healing what I really want to do is go running or something to help me make my mind and body feel good and I can't bc of the surgery. It's just so frustrating. I have so much support but I can't stop crying when I talk to my friends.its amazing how in a few weeks I grew attached to something I've never met but always dreamed about. Thanks for being here ladies. My thoughts and prayers go out to us all.
  • I am also so sorry for your loss. Even after almost 2 months I am still mourning. It does help tremendously to talk to other women on the bump but I also tried to start a scrapbook of poems and whatever I have to always let me remember her ( I named her Nadia Olivia- bringer of peace and hope). But I bought earrings with my birthstone, the babies and my boyfriends. Its my way of always having her with me.
  • I am sorry you are going through this. I went thru a miscarriage recently also so I can relate to how you might feel. It's like losing a part of yourself. The grieving process takes time. I hope you can move through the process and remember that it's ok to feel sad, angry, and upset! You may go through a range of different emotions. It is normal and may take time....but Remember to eat well and sleep lots :) take care of yourself!!
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