Thoughts on second baby shower for a different gender - Page 2 — The Bump
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Thoughts on second baby shower for a different gender

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Re: Thoughts on second baby shower for a different gender

  • edited September 2013

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  • RedheadBaker said:
    Many of you are getting way too caught up on the definition of a "baby shower". It means different things to different people! 
    Um, no, it doesn't. A shower is, was, and always will be a party that's sole purpose is to give gifts to welcome a woman to married life (bridal shower) or motherhood (baby shower). 

    If you invite someone to a shower, they assume they are to bring a gift, because that is the purpose of a shower. 
    Exactly!
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  • in this case I think it's ok. =)

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  • I think it may be a tad situational and here in the south second third fourth baby showers are not really tacky they tend to get smaller with each subsequent child though and no registries and typically are diaper parties or such. I think it is regional and depends alot on your social circle. This is my second marriage and my second baby first boy and my husbands first child 6 years after my first child was born. EVERYONE wants us to have a shower its his parents first grandchild and I feel like opting out because Emily Post might not agree sort of robs my husband and my MIL of some of the joy (we are doing a couples shower). I am not making this the huge high tea event I had with my first we are having a party with friends and family and its being completely handled by others I simply provided a list of people to make sure to include. This post will get uglier before the days out
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  • ordinary1ordinary1 member
    edited September 2013
    hannahlce said:




    No one is saying "don't have a party with no gifts." We're saying DON'T CALL IT A SHOWER. Because the word shower by its definition means that gifts are to be brought. 

    Okay. Well, I wasn't trying to argue, I'm just offering up another wording since apparently everyone cares about that. I don't think I know one person in real life that actually cares one way or another. I've gotten invites to things that said "No gifts, please" or whatever, and not one single person at the event cared or thought it was rude.

    All I'm saying, is that it depends on your group of friends. 




    People may still have found it rude but who would say so? I got a baby shower invite stating gift cards only or to send the present to her house. I certainly thought it was rude! I told my H but definitely did not tell my friend I thought so!
    Edited because it all looked like my response.
    [Deleted User]FemShep
  • Oh good grief! Back to semantics again.... seriously! who cares what it's called or what the definition is... ANY shower- first baby or 15th is for GIFTS, every fool on the planet knows that. What makes a FIRST time mom any more entitled than any other? She isn't! That's the definition of a GIFT- something that was not deserved/earned/demanded but given from the gifter's own free will to do so. It's just ridiculousness. I still say it goes back to your own social circle and what is the norm for said social circle. Also no one is forced to accept an invitation. If they don't feel the desire to attend or present a gift, they can always say no or have other plans. Perhaps instead of getting all in hormonal knots over the definition and etiquette, those who feel they've been forced to attend showers that were tacky and give gifts to grabby greedy people should just learn to say the word no.

    No one is entitled to a shower. However, a shower is welcome a NEW mother into motherhood. If you already have a child you aren't a NEW mom and don't need to be re-welcomed.
  • I see showers as a nice thing family/friends do when they are excited for you. Who cares what a few pricks think go for it! (-: goodluck
    chinablack55tiggernorton04dannie2011Taylorsmama5683
  • Many of you are getting way too caught up on the definition of a "baby shower". It means different things to different people! This is my first baby and I'm not having a baby shower. It's not really a big deal where I am in the uk and I personally do not like organised fun. My dh and I have pretty much purchased everything we need already but family and friends have also given us gifts that we are highly appreciative of. I say, if someone offers, great! If you want a wee celebration for your girl, great! To 'expect' gifts at any function, including a first shower, is entitled. To hope for some nice things is human! This is what I'm hearing "be as greedy as you like with the first one but don't do it again", haha! Etiquette.... Ok then.

    Also, this "because you choose to reproduce again" argument is void! You chose the first time too! Ridiculous, irritating and pointless posts! To initial poster, do what makes you happy, you can't please everyone, clearly, lol!

    Love this!!!!!!!!!!!
    chinablack55Taylorsmama5683
  • I see showers as a nice thing family/friends do when they are excited for you. Who cares what a few pricks think go for it! (-: goodluck
    If she's posting on a public message board full of strangers, I'm assuming she cares what a few pricks think. LOL
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  • I think it's totally fine. My family loves having parties. :) If people have offered to throw you a small sprinkle, why not? People can clutch their pearls and then decline if they are outraged at being invited to a party for you.
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  • Darbie914 said:
    I'm just curious: what does the sex of the baby have anything to do with having another shower?  Can a girl not use boy items?  I'm not seeing the logic.

    Really? No. A boy cannot wear the flowery dresses that baby #1 wore or vice versa. I highly doubt the OP is expecting a new stroller or carseat at her sprinkle. It would just be gender specific clothes, maybe some nursery bedding, personalized items for the new baby, etc. 8-|
    DD born March 2011
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  • I have yet to hear a satisfactory explanation of why a different sex justifies having another shower?

    If your friends just want to for fun? Ok.
    I don't know why you can't "celebrate the baby" after the baby is out of the oven? If you want the baby (vs. the mother) to be the guest of honor then that's what you do.

    Celebrate the pregnancy? That even skates for me. Though you can do that without a shower...

    Traditionally, by the general population's definition AND the etiquette definition, showers are to welcome a new mom to motherhood. By the 4th kid the ship has sailed (and been lost at sea lol) on being new to motherhood.

    This attempt to justify a 4th kid baby shower with the sex makes no sense to me. I'm not snarking here. I genuinely don't understand why that's the explanation?


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  • This is a really hard topic for me because my husband and I are the youngest couple (married for 8 months, 14 weeks pregnant) in our social circle. Some of the couples have kids (toddler age) and others have no children but have been married for nearly ten years. 

    My MIL and mom got off on a horrible foot when my mom didn't host or help pay for the bridal shower (my MIL did everything, bless her). I am a FTM, and am SO worried that we will get no help with baby (we live 5 hours from ALL close friends and family) and no celebration of baby coming. 

    I honestly REFUSE to have my first baby (and the first grandchild to both sets of parents) go unacknowledged, and if I don't get an offer from a friend (my mom will not attend a baby shower thrown at my MIL's), will probably throw a "Yay, We're Pregnant"/ Gender Reveal party without expectation of gifts. 

    Plus, I LOATHE registries. I hated making one for the wedding and shower and will LOATHE making one for a baby shower if one is thrown for me.
    you sound fun.
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  • Darbie914 said:
    I'm just curious: what does the sex of the baby have anything to do with having another shower?  Can a girl not use boy items?  I'm not seeing the logic.

    Really? No. A boy cannot wear the flowery dresses that baby #1 wore or vice versa. I highly doubt the OP is expecting a new stroller or carseat at her sprinkle. It would just be gender specific clothes, maybe some nursery bedding, personalized items for the new baby, etc. 8-|
    Mom can buy those things. This still does not justify having a sprinkle. 

    @PrimRoseMama nailed it.
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  • I agree with the PP! There are needs that your baby MUST have, and stylish clothing is not one of them. Clothing, yes, but honestly, he is not going to care if he's wearing purple. She is not going to care if she is in blue. Splurge on a few boyish or girly outfits for photos, and then slip them in whatever you have already. I'm sure not every single onesie has a tutu or a bow. There are more important things. If the parents-to-be find stylish clothing more important, I say they can handle those purchases, so it's not really an excuse to have a shower. 
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  • Since they are offering I'd probably take them up on a Sip N See after she is born. They can say "gifts optional" or something like that, that way people who want to bring you something can and will, and those who don't feel compelled to don't feel like they have to.


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  • It is not anyone's responsibility to buy you things just because you are having a baby of a different gender. 
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  • I think if you want to celebrate your new baby and your friends want to host, then thats fine. Its all about what you want, as long as you feel comfortable. Do what YOU want mama. :)
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  • If your friends and family want to throw one for you, then that is great!  I like the "sprinkle" idea.  I have been to baby showers for ALL my friends kids.. no matter how many they have.  It is just normal in our social scene.  When it is the second, third, or fourth... the showers are usually smaller and the gifts are mostly clothes (gear only if there is a big age gap from the last kid).  It's a celebration of your baby and it should be fun.  Some people don't like this idea, fine... don't like it and don't go if you are invited to one.  But that shouldn't stop the mommy and friends and family from wanting to celebrate. 

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  • Thank you all for the replies. 
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