Speaking of bitterness... — The Bump
Secondary IF

Speaking of bitterness...

MercyGaleMercyGale
25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
member
edited August 2013 in Secondary IF
I am not trying to be rude, not in anyway... I posted in a previous post about keeping the bitterness at bay... It has become easier for me to accept BFP from friends and family, but it just still hasn't become a pill I can swallow when ppl complain about trying for LESS than 12 mo about TTTC. It REALLY irks me. I understand everyone gets frustrated. Everyone is anxious... but being impatient, and having IF are two separate things... and it STILL gets to me.

DH & I 23
Married: 3/23/13 Together since: 4/11/10
DD born 4/19/09 after a summer fling after graduation. Not planned
Dx with Endometriosis and Ovarian Cysts July 2010

TTC since July 2010

DX with unexplained secondary IF 2012
BFP Oct 6, 2013
Confirmation BFP at Dr. Office Oct 7, 2013

Miscarriage confirmed 10/19/13

CD 21 full panel blood work 3/18/14 to initiate fertility treatment

Psalm 34:18 "...The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit..."

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers


Re: Speaking of bitterness...

  • Totally get it. Took for 4 years for my son!
    image

    Me: 27 DH: 33
    Married 6 years
    Conceived DS after 4 years of MFI

    TTC # 2 (not trying,not preventing ever)
    May 2013 - August 2013 Timed Intercourse = BFN
    September 2013 Timed Intercourse, Weekly Acupuncture, Herbs=BFN
    October 2013 Timed Intercourse, Weekly Acupuncture, Herbs, and "warming foods" = BFP
    Beta #1 19, Beta #2 18 Progesterone 4.6 Miscarried 11/9/13
    November 2013 - Benched, waiting for first post-loss AF.
    No longer benched per New RE/OB!
    Jan. 15 2014 - BFP. HCG 3900 - Ectopic :( 
    Jan. 16 2014 Left tube removed and D&C
    March 2, 2014 First AF


  • MercyGaleMercyGale
    25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    member
    edited August 2013
    Oh lord it irritates me so much I made a TON of typo errors lol.
    Good thing I found the edit button lol

    DH & I 23
    Married: 3/23/13 Together since: 4/11/10
    DD born 4/19/09 after a summer fling after graduation. Not planned
    Dx with Endometriosis and Ovarian Cysts July 2010

    TTC since July 2010

    DX with unexplained secondary IF 2012
    BFP Oct 6, 2013
    Confirmation BFP at Dr. Office Oct 7, 2013

    Miscarriage confirmed 10/19/13

    CD 21 full panel blood work 3/18/14 to initiate fertility treatment

    Psalm 34:18 "...The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit..."

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers


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  • Totally relate to this.  My sister, who I am very close to, tried for 2 months and was complaining about how hard it was...she did have to have a lap and they removed a cyst, but during her months of trying they couldn't even bd during her fertile time because of the cysts.  So they really weren't able to try, and she got pregnant immediately after the surgery.  Really bugged me, especially when she said she understood what I was dealing with in terms of IF.

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic 

    DD conceived after 3 years of ttc.
    MFI - DH had varicocele repair and took Clomid to get DD b. 02/2010

    TTC #2 since 6/2010
    10/2012 DH diagnosed with Epilepsy
    A few failed IUIs summer 2012 and 2013. 
    DH taking clomid and waiting to see if he needs another vericocele repair. 
    Hoping for a 2015 baby or babies. 
    Wishing, hoping, waiting.


    Lilypie Fifth Birthday tickersLilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Trying to Conceive Event tickers

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  • Gator_Bride07Gator_Bride07
    Seventh Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    member
    edited August 2013
    Why does it have to be less than 12 months? IF is IF. It's a struggle for us all. Impatient is one thing, but people who have real IF issues that have been trying less than a year, like myself, still feel the pain. Don't make anyone think their pain is less real just because you've been trying longer.
    image
    photo image.jpg
    [Deleted User]
  • I think it's just difficult when people self-diagnose themselves with IF because they've been trying for less than a year and can't get pregnant. It's completely different when somebody has an actual reason for experiencing difficulty. My friend has PCOS but was able to figure it out quickly and got lucky with her first IUI. She was pregnant after 7 months of trying. But here she is again after #1 thinking about trying for #2 and knowing what she's up against. I find solace in knowing a RL friend who knows what it's like to go through IF, even though she only had to try for 7 months.
     For me, it's a different story when someone has tried for a few months and jokes (maybe half-jokes) "I have infertility issues." Then a month later she's pregnant. It's hard to swallow when you've been trying for way longer. 
    When we first started trying, I had a hunch something was "off" but no doctor wanted to see me because I was young (26) and hadn't been trying for very long. Even though everyone says to wait a year, it's not easy to do. It's like there's no end in sight.
    DH & I: 29
    TTC #1 4/2009 -  DD 2/5/10
    TTC #2 since October 2011
    2IF issues
    7/2013 - IUI #1: 50 units Follistim +  Ovidrel  = BFN
    8/2013 - IUI #2: 50 units Follistim +  Ovidrel  = BFP! Beta #1 (12 dpiui) 8/21: 45  Beta #2 (16 dpiui) 8/26: 301 Beta #3 (21 dpiui) 8/30: 1,929. 1st Ultrasound 9/4 - One perfect sac. 2nd Ultrasound 9/13 - Heartbeat at 124 bpm! Anniversary  

    image


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  • MJC1116 said:
    I think it's just difficult when people self-diagnose themselves with IF because they've been trying for less than a year and can't get pregnant. It's completely different when somebody has an actual reason for experiencing difficulty. My friend has PCOS but was able to figure it out quickly and got lucky with her first IUI. She was pregnant after 7 months of trying. But here she is again after #1 thinking about trying for #2 and knowing what she's up against. I find solace in knowing a RL friend who knows what it's like to go through IF, even though she only had to try for 7 months.
     For me, it's a different story when someone has tried for a few months and jokes (maybe half-jokes) "I have infertility issues." Then a month later she's pregnant. It's hard to swallow when you've been trying for way longer. 
    When we first started trying, I had a hunch something was "off" but no doctor wanted to see me because I was young (26) and hadn't been trying for very long. Even though everyone says to wait a year, it's not easy to do. It's like there's no end in sight.

    This is how I feel.  My cycles have totally changed.....used to have clockwork cycles and got PG very easily every time.  Now, I haven't been trying for over a year, but I know something isn't right.  I am not diagnosing myself with IF, but if my body completely changes (delayed ovulation) and continues that way for many months, obviously something is different.  Plus, out of 4 pregnancies I have one child. To me, that says something.  So for me, even though I haven't been trying for over a year, this board seems like a good place to come to read other's experiences and find out as much information as I can. 

    But I can see where you are coming from OP.


    BFP #1 ended in MMC. Discovered Oct 2005 @10w5d, baby stopped growing around 6w. D&C.
    BFP#2 Nov 2005. Baby's heart stopped @ 8w3d. D&C Jan 2006. Trisomy 18
    BFP#3 Nov 2006. My "miracle baby" DD born 7/25/07
    BFP #4 11/6/12. EDD 7/16/13~my birthday! No sac found @ 5w1d, betas not increasing. Natural m/c started 11/20/12.

    BFP#5 11/9/13.  EDD 7/21/14  Our beautiful rainbow born on his due date!!

  • I have been tying for just short of a year, but it has been the hardest year of my life. I never expected for it to take this long and everyone around me is getting pregnant. We have minor IF issues, but have been on medications that should be working, and after a few months, still are not. Does that mean my pain and monthly heartbreak is less important than yours? The stress this has caused me is leaving me depressed and feeling inadequate and quite hopeless. Because it's a shorter time period than what you deem to be painful, it irks you? Everyone is entitled to their feelings and has their own experiences and reactions. Your pain is valid and your experience is yours. Don't take that validity away from others because it's not as "bad" as yours. It still counts.
  • Everyone is entitled to have their own feelings about IF. But is MOST cases, a dr will not even discuss IF until you have been trying for a year. I definitely understand that it is painful for EVERYONE experiencing it, but for those who have only been ttc for a a couple of months and then complain its SO hard, it could be worse. You could have 25 months of trying without any accomplishment. I would take 4 any day...

    DH & I 23
    Married: 3/23/13 Together since: 4/11/10
    DD born 4/19/09 after a summer fling after graduation. Not planned
    Dx with Endometriosis and Ovarian Cysts July 2010

    TTC since July 2010

    DX with unexplained secondary IF 2012
    BFP Oct 6, 2013
    Confirmation BFP at Dr. Office Oct 7, 2013

    Miscarriage confirmed 10/19/13

    CD 21 full panel blood work 3/18/14 to initiate fertility treatment

    Psalm 34:18 "...The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit..."

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers


  • I agree Mercy. My heart goes out to those trying for years. I couldn't even imagine how painful that must be. I hope I don't find out. But those who got that far have also been where I am at just short of a year. I am almost 35 and my husband almost 38 and because of our age, they look at IF after 6 months. I feel for everyone who can't have the one thing they want. My heart breaks once a month. I'm sorry for all of those who share my pain.
  • I am really not trying to be ugly. I do understand what it is like, I have been there. I get the age thing too, I am only 23... your "biological clock" is ticking and mine must be broken... This whole experience is just the most horrible thing ever. It has been a hard 2 years for us, as I am sure it has been a hard year for you!

    DH & I 23
    Married: 3/23/13 Together since: 4/11/10
    DD born 4/19/09 after a summer fling after graduation. Not planned
    Dx with Endometriosis and Ovarian Cysts July 2010

    TTC since July 2010

    DX with unexplained secondary IF 2012
    BFP Oct 6, 2013
    Confirmation BFP at Dr. Office Oct 7, 2013

    Miscarriage confirmed 10/19/13

    CD 21 full panel blood work 3/18/14 to initiate fertility treatment

    Psalm 34:18 "...The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit..."

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers


  • Thank you Mercy. I appreciate that. No one knows what anyone else's experience is. I am new to this site and have found comfort and support in others, and it's a place for everyone to vent, celebrate, cry and be vulnerable. We all need to be there for one another. Not have a pissing contest to say whose pain is worse or who got dealt a shittier hand. It all sucks but it will all be worth it eventually.
    MercyGaleKC1212
  • I see both sides here. I guess my point of it all is. I would love to statistically be able to have a baby in a year. I forget the actual numbers buts its like 90 % (I'm going off memory here it could be higher or lower)of couples get pregnant in a year.

    Hell, I'd take a year.
    I'd even take 18 months.

    I really wish I could be a part of those statistics.

    I don't recall how long we waited to seek help...it probably was about a year. I was put on clomid after a few months though but that's is mild in comparison to other drugs(no offense anyone! but it is a small bullet in the grand scheme of IF drugs) and it was given by my OB not an RE.

    I don't think anyone is trying downplay people's pain. IF sucks all the way around. Whether it is 1 year, 4 years, or 6 months for anyone to even have the worry of a possibility of IF is more than her due. I do think with each month, day, week, year that passes by it breaks you down a little further. So to anyone not been in the game a year yet, I pray for you. The four years of IF were the longest, darkest, most horrible days of my life and they only got worse with time.

    I think we all need to be nice to one another because, quite frankly, this is my only means of support. Without it I would be very isolated and have absolutely no outlet. We need to stick together and cheer each other on :) It by our *differences* that we learn the most. ((Hugs))


    image

    Me: 27 DH: 33
    Married 6 years
    Conceived DS after 4 years of MFI

    TTC # 2 (not trying,not preventing ever)
    May 2013 - August 2013 Timed Intercourse = BFN
    September 2013 Timed Intercourse, Weekly Acupuncture, Herbs=BFN
    October 2013 Timed Intercourse, Weekly Acupuncture, Herbs, and "warming foods" = BFP
    Beta #1 19, Beta #2 18 Progesterone 4.6 Miscarried 11/9/13
    November 2013 - Benched, waiting for first post-loss AF.
    No longer benched per New RE/OB!
    Jan. 15 2014 - BFP. HCG 3900 - Ectopic :( 
    Jan. 16 2014 Left tube removed and D&C
    March 2, 2014 First AF


    StepMomHopingForMyOwnMercyGaleAmores0121
  • I also cannot swallow "IF" after 3 or 4 months of trying.

    One of my girlfriends spent 7 years getting her twins. She's such a beautiful inspiration of hope and those girls who scream at their OB fir clomid 3 months after starting ttc get such an eyeroll from me.

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