Work Email

jjkaye · September 2013

Before I get to the office, I wish I could sent the following all-office email:

Good Morning,

I hope you all had a wonderful Labor Day weekend!

I want to answer a few questions in advance to save us all some time and to save me insurmountable rage.

1. Yes, I am here.

2. Yes, I'm still pregnant.

3. I was due Friday. Yes, that makes me overdue.

4. He did not decide to be here on Labor Day (ha ha ha great joke. You are hysterical.)

5. No, I'm not going to try to hold out until your (or your husband's/friend's/dog's/niece's) birthday on (insert date this week or next).

6. I am not planning in giving birth in the conference room or having my water break in the office.

7. I'm not miserable, but thanks for assuming.

8. You do not need to know how dilated I am.

9. I do not care that someone you know went 3 weeks overdue and their baby came out with teeth and knew how to walk.

10. I have tried spicy food, pineapple, eggplant, walking, and more. He will get here when he's ready.

Have a pleasant week!

ravenclaw1 · September 2013

I really hope nobody has the balls to ask how much you're dilated

Babybabybabyohhhhhhh · September 2013

Good luck today, I hope people aren't too annoying.

Kristonita12 · September 2013

haha I love this. good luck at work!

nodito · September 2013

Make sure you CC Human Resources. You can call harrassment on anyone who bothers you today.

happybride 276 · September 2013

ravenclaw1 said:
I really hope nobody has the balls to ask how much you're dilated

I have been asked by some of the women in my office. I think two or three. It's crazy the comfort level people get when speaking to a pregnant woman.

Shanmarie1083 · September 2013

Love this. #9 especially cracked me up.

csspencer · September 2013

I'm not even overdue and I've been getting some of these questions. I've thinking of sending a mass email too.

jjkaye · September 2013

ravenclaw1 said:

I really hope nobody has the balls to ask how much you're dilated

I had a cashier at the grocery store AND a cleaning lady in my office building ask me last week. Who does that?

jjkaye · September 2013

nodito said:

Make sure you CC Human Resources. You can call harrassment on anyone who bothers you today.

Ehhh... we're a small, close-knit group around here. I'd be more likely to tell them all to F off and stop asking me questions than to take it up with HR. Come to think of it, HR is this crusty old man (not part of the close-knit group) who has called me "slim" twice and also told me that he's SURE my (multiple) ultrasounds were wrong and that I'm having a girl because I'm carrying high. Thanks, creeper.

PrettyInPearls23 · September 2013

I think you should totally send this out. I LOVE it!!!

I got my first "You're still here??" comment today. Yes, I'm still here. I'm only 37w3d and my scheduled c-section isn't for another 13 days, but thanks for asking. Jackass.

erink7211 · September 2013

This is awesome! Can I steal this to use for my own office?

I think I might only change #7 to "I AM miserable...thanks for pointing it out."

hungryhippo · September 2013

This would save me so much time today too. Dreading seeing everyone as the arrive one by one.

SopranoMama · September 2013

My poor DH is getting depressed at work because everyone keeps telling him they're disappointed to see him. Every. Day! Seriously, chill out people! I'm not even due yet!

ladibugg83 · September 2013

Thank you for the laugh. Today is my last day of work before leave, whether LO comes today or not. So far every email and call I've made has prompted a "wow you made it through the weekend response". I'm not even past my due date yet!

imakeeff0rts · September 2013

jjkaye said:

ravenclaw1 said:

I really hope nobody has the balls to ask how much you're dilated

I had a cashier at the grocery store AND a cleaning lady in my office building ask me last week. Who does that?

Last weekend, when I was barely 35 weeks, DH and I walked next door to Publix to get the weekly ad because we've started couponing and that's what you do. The lady that stands at the customer service desk saw me pressing on my stomach, just at the top, and asked if I was having a contraction (no, I wasn't. I was having irritability and when you literally have a contracted uterus for two weeks, it starts to really burn), and if she needed to call 911, and if my water was about to break.

I really do like the e-mail, though. Totally worth sending.

imakeeff0rts · September 2013

happybride 276 said:

I really hope nobody has the balls to ask how much you're dilated
I have been asked by some of the women in my office. I think two or three. It's crazy the comfort level people get when speaking to a pregnant woman.

"Now that I've given you the details of my cervix, please, tell me about yours! How is YOUR mucus plug doing? Still in there?"

Baxterman · September 2013

4. He did not decide to be here on Labor Day (ha ha ha great joke. You are hysterical.)

I am so glad we can officially put this one behind us! Everyone and their mother thought they were the sole originator of this little ditty. And I had to try and pretend to laugh each and every time....

starinyte · September 2013

I want to hug that email. Best, ever.

Kellseibellsey · September 2013

happybride 276 said:

I really hope nobody has the balls to ask how much you're dilated
I have been asked by some of the women in my office. I think two or three. It's crazy the comfort level people get when speaking to a pregnant woman.

One of my MALE employees asked me how dilated I was. I just looked at him and kept walking. I can't talk about my cervix to you, I'm sorry.

happybride 276 · September 2013

Kellseibellsey said:

happybride 276 said:

ravenclaw1 said:
I really hope nobody has the balls to ask how much you're dilated
I have been asked by some of the women in my office. I think two or three. It's crazy the comfort level people get when speaking to a pregnant woman.

One of my MALE employees asked me how dilated I was. I just looked at him and kept walking. I can't talk about my cervix to you, I'm sorry.
That is worse. I am sorry, but the idea of a man caring how dilated you are is super creepy. I can't help but giggle and want a shower.

thedash · September 2013

ravenclaw1 said:

I really hope nobody has the balls to ask how much you're dilated

My FIL asked me last week.

achadwick19 · September 2013

Haha I love this!

docco11 · September 2013

LOL. I had a co-worker tell me on Friday not to worry if my water breaks at the office "he has been watching medical shows and knows what to do in case he has to deliver" I said, "well then you know that you will need to take me to the hospital...that is less than 5 min away".

Some people.

IrishPiratess · September 2013

Im not even at my EDD yet, and Im tired of these questions. Every single person who's walked by my desk has said "OH! you're still here?!"
yes. And I was in the office early. Why the hell were YOU not on time this morning?

kelizr · September 2013

LOVE IT! As I can totally relate to my morning of, yes I am still here to the many oh my gosh you made it through the weekend. And all the sad I'm so sorry your still here faces....ugh!

charpe · September 2013

I may cut and paste this into my own work email!!!

My personal favorite, i've had at least 2 people this morning say, "this baby needs to hurry up. I'm getting impatient." OHHH really!?! YOU are impatient? I have no idea what thats like. I'm so sorry.

ugh.

Skalbrecht · September 2013

I took today off and am working offsite the next two days so I won't be in the office until Friday. Can't wait to see how many emails and comments I get until I'm back in the office later this week.

kje120 · September 2013

I seriously just busted out laughing at #9

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