Baby #3? About to start "the discussion"

jeffrae · September 2013

Xp from toddlers. I am hoping there are some of you out there on baby number three who went through this....thanks! Hi, been awhile since I have been on the bump. Not sure this is the best board for this question? DH and I are starting the baby #3 conversation. He is fully okay with stopping at two. I on the other hand have wanted three kids for as long as I can remember. Our girls are 2 and 4 and I have pushed off the final conversation for the past year+. I finally told him today I do want number three. He told me he wants two (he always states he is 93% he wants two). I could not talk to him without getting too emotional. We agreed to discuss more. Any words of encouragement? I know that one real outcome is that we decide two is it. I am just not sure how to deal with feeling like My family is not complete. Would love to hear from moms with three kids or who have been in my situation and stopped at two. I'm turning 36 in a couple days so I don't want to push this out much further (I am closed for babies when I am 37- edit....meaning no more at 38. dh does not want to be older than that and kids not too far apart, especially as I have really rough pregnancies and have had losses and an autoimmune disease....ladies here in your 40's I applaud you!). We are financially stable....so that is not a factor. Perhaps saving for three colleges would be....but can't see that any different than paying for childcare now. Okay....I will end rambling. Excited to hear words of encouragement either way to help with our ultimate outcome. Thanks.

happyturtle03 · September 2013

We always wanted 3, but thought because of fertility problems, my age, and the fact that 7 yrs had passed with no baby that we were just done. I had a "surprise" pregnancy in April that sadly ended in miscarriage just as we were getting kind of adjusted to the idea and starting to feel really happy about it. Afterwards we both just felt like maybe we'd see what happened. I'm 41 (today in fact) and due in late Jan/early Feb. As for talking your DH into it, I really don't have any advice there, he is either on board or he's not, just from experience. It took my DH a while to be ready to become a father at all, I just had to wait til he was ready. If you really want to talk to him about it, though, you're going to have to be as open to his reasons for staying at 2 as you want him to be at your reasons for wanting 3, and work very hard to stay calm and not get too emotional, otherwise it will just be a huge fight. Also, saying that it's now or never, I can't tell you not to feel that way, but it sounds very ultimatum-ish and if I were in his shoes I'd take that as reason to dig my heels in and close the discussion. Good luck!

Barbercharm · September 2013

We started out wanting 4.. Number 3 came along and H got very overwhelmed (he was working 2 jobs so that I could stay home), so he had very little time with our 3 children under 4 years old.. So soon after #3 the discussion of #4 came up and he said he was okay with our 3 and felt extremely overwhelmed with the thought of a 4th. It took me a few years to get over the "incompleteness" of my family, but I didn't want to make my husband feel overwhelmed or guilty or bad about not wanting another. And here we are, expecting #4, 7 years after our 3rd.. And it was all my Hs idea!

. I never would have planned on having a baby after so many years, and certainly not in my AMA years.. But we couldn't be happier. But, I was completely okay with my family of 5.. And knew we were complete as we were.. Now we just have an added bonus

LucyRicardo3 · September 2013

I don't anything to add to the previous posts.
Best wishes that things work out for the two of you. (and being 37 and pregnant isn't so bad, either, lol

)

kelley72 · September 2013

obviously a personal decision, as a 41 yr old pg with nu 5 I have no experience with only 2... hope you have a healthy and happy future

jeffrae · September 2013

LucyRicardo3 said:

(and being 37 and pregnant isn't so bad, either, lol )

I'm sure it's not! I mean I did just run a full marathon last year, pregnancy can't be harder than that! Lol. Unfortunately due to health my OB and endocrinologist think otherwise for my situation

rcbuko · September 2013

I was in your situation a few years ago when we had two wonderful little girls aged 3 and 1. I really, really, really wanted a third child and DH was very resistant to the idea. It took about 9 months of discussions for him to agree to trying for a third. He had stated to me several times that he was okay with an "oops" pregnancy but didn't want to try for a third because he felt complete with our two girls. I did not feel complete. It was a matter of contention in our marriage for a bit since we had agreed when we got married to try for three children and I felt that he was backing out of that plan. To be fair, we had suffered several losses and my pregnancies are not that wonderful and I think that had a lot to do with his trepidation.

Once he agreed to try for a fourth, he was 100% on board. We started TTC several months after we made that decision and were successful the first month. Almost immediately, he said he wanted to try for a fourth. I couldn't believe that he was saying that. We are now TTC for our fourth child. If we are successful, he is having a vasectomy up his/her birth because our family would be totally complete at that point.

I don't believe in pressuring someone into having another child if they truly don't want one. That said, your husband has left 7% open to discussion with you. My husband did a complete turnaround so it is possible that yours will as well. I wish you and your husband the best in achieving your dreams whether you ultimately decided to TTC again or not.