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Baby #3?

jeffraejeffrae member
in Toddlers: 24 Months+
Hi, been awhile since I have been on the bump. Not sure this is the best board for this question? DH and I are starting the baby #3 conversation. He is fully okay with stopping at two. I on the other hand have wanted three kids for as long as I can remember. Our girls are 2 and 4 and I have pushed off the final conversation for the past year+. I finally told him today I do want number three. He told me he wants two. I could not talk to him without getting too emotional. We agreed to discuss more. Any words of encouragement? I know that one real outcome is that we decide two is it. I am just not sure how to deal with feeling like My family is not complete. Would love to hear from moms with three kids or who have been in my situation and stopped at two. I'm turning 36 in a couple days so I don't want to push this out much further (I am closed for babies when I am 37, lol). We are financially stable....so that is not a factor. Perhaps saving for three colleges would be....but can't see that any different than paying for childcare now. Okay....I will end rambling. Excited to hear words of encouragement either way to help with our ultimate,ate outcome. Thanks.
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Re: Baby #3?

  • TiffanyBerryTiffanyBerry member
    My husband and I are in a similar (but NOT the same) situation but in a one versus two debate.  He wants to be done with one, I want another.  (The difference is here - I do not feel like I will have an incomplete family if I don't have another.)  Honestly, we've been talking about it for a long time (like, two years), and a lot of what we talk about is "why".  "Why do you want just two?  What do you like about just two?  What don't you like about three?  How do you see a third one changing things?  Will your overall happiness in life when you're old be greater with two or with three?"  (I'm serious on that last one; we're math/science geeks.  We've drawn graphs of our happiness as a function of time depending on the number of children we have.  And talked about the other variables that go into calculated net happiness... and so on. :) )

    Keep talking.  Keep trying to understand his position (really!) and ask him to be open to understanding yours (even if he doesn't change his opinion one bit).

    It's SUPER hard - this isn't the sort of decision you can compromise on.
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  • northtamaracknorthtamarack member
    I am in a similar boat as you OP.  I have always wanted three, DH two.  At first DH said, "One, at a time".  I wish that he would have never said this .... it gave me hope for three.  Now that #2 is ALMOST here, anytime we talk about he shakes his head.  Right now, my plan is to have this baby and go from there.  Things (economy, our jobs, etc) might look very different in twoish years.  I like the pp's suggestion of talking about how it would impact over all happiness and making graphs.  :-)  
      
    OP, good luck in your discussions with your DH.  I hope that you both can find peace and happiness in your final decision.
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