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Your opinion PLEASE

Leahrose518Leahrose518 member
in C-sections
My section is scheduled for 9/3. I'm a high risk pregnancy. I have a heart condition. My bf will be in the room during the procedure. My sis had a c section in feb and nearly died. My mother will be in the waiting room. After the c section I would like to bond with the baby and begin breastfeeding. Due to my heart condition I will be monitored closely while in the hospital. I have requested no visitors the first day. I want my mom there for moral
Support. Today bf informs me that his mom will be coming to the hospital and staying throughout the day. She and I do not have a close relationship & I'm uncomfortable with her being there. I honestly do not want any visitors at the hospital I really just want to bond with the baby and rest. Once home I will have a dinner and invite family over to meet the baby. Am I being unreasonable?
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Re: Your opinion PLEASE

  • kpahlkpahl member
    No you are not. It's major surgery you get to call the shots in my opinion. I told everyone to stay home day 1 and I am glad we did. I had a rough first 12 hours and LO was sent to the NICU an hour after delivery. It was better to have my hubby just worry about us 2 instead of visitor stress as well. Everyone else came the 2nd day. Good Luck and do what's best and comfortable for you!!
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  • TallulahsmomTallulahsmom member
    That depends. Your mother is coming to support you. Does your husband want his mother there to support him? If he is impartial then I would ask him to let her know the two of you would prefer she wait until the meet and greet. Or maybe you could invite her to come for a short introduction when you have settled in that evening or the next morning. (Your mom may need a break)
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  • capuletcapulet member
    I am actually kind of odd in that in I would find my MIL more supportive than my own mom in this sort of situation, but what it comes down to is that it's your body on the line in a high risk birth and YOU call the shots.  Most women are closer to their moms than anyone else and would find their presence most supportive.  I think it would be enormously stressful even to have someone in the hospital in the hours after birth and know that they're waiting for you to be ready to see them.  When *you* are ready for her to visit, then *you* inform your BF's mom when it's time for her to come to the hospital and meet her grandchild.  (And if all goes well and you're ready, you should; it can be a 3 or 4 day stay in the hospital even after a routine, low-risk c/s and I think it's reasonable that a grandmother would want to meet her grandchild in that time.  If you feel up to it at all, do invite her over on the second day or so.  You may not be close to her, but this is her grandchild; I think having her wait till you're home for her to meet your LO is a little excessive.)  But that's up to you as the one who is carrying and bearing this child.  It's on your BF to man up and tell his mom what *you* need, and she should respect your decision as the best thing not only for you, but also for her grandchild.
    DD born 10/10/07 * DS born 11/25/11 * #3 due 3/9/2015
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  • Leahrose518Leahrose518 member
    I called his mom today and told her that I'm just asking for no visitors the first day. The hospital is an hour from our home. The procedure is At 7:30 that morning. I just want to spend the first day resting and bonding with the baby. I'm not trying to be unreasonable or unfair. I invited his mom to come to the hospital on a different day. I'm not close to his mom
    And I have spoken to her maybe 5-6 times throughout the 4 years we have dated. I feel that my feelings should be respected and both my bf and his mother should be respectful of my feelings. I think I became upset today when his mother called me today and told me she will be in attendance on Tuesday and I needed to respect her wishes. Newsflaah: I've risked my life carrying our baby and have had so many complications. It took a long time to get pregnant and I just want one day of rest and quality time with the baby.
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  • amandarinsamandarins member
    My cs was not planned, but I decided late in pregnancy that I didn't want anyone knowing when we went in, and we would call when we were ready. DH was pissed at first, but understood when I explained that we didn't know exactly how everything would go and what if I ended up with a cs. The last thing I wanted was 10 people bonding with my baby in the nursery after my surgery before I had any time with him. Well, look what happened...an unplanned cs and DS had to be in the nursery for his first few hours because there weren't enough nurses on to have one with him in my room. DH ended up being understanding and even waited for me to call his family when I was ready (my family lives too far to visit right away). I'm so glad we did it this way.
     

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  • capuletcapulet member
    edited September 2013
    I think you're being reasonable as far as this situation goes, but you keep bringing up how you're not close to your BF's mom, which concerns me. She is your child's grandmother. She is going to be a part of your life from now on. It makes no difference to your baby how close you are to her; she's still going to be his/her grandma. I absolutely support your right to bonding time immediately after birth, but you need to realize you are going to have a long-term relationship with this woman. You don't have to be her BFF, but you chose very deliberately to have a child with her son. You might want to get to know her a bit better.
    DD born 10/10/07 * DS born 11/25/11 * #3 due 3/9/2015
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  • Leahrose518Leahrose518 member
    Not being close to her isn't the issue. She has a drug problem and because of that I am uncomfortable being around her. She can have supervised visits and I definitely would like her to meet the baby, but in a couple of days after the baby is born. She is a functioning drug addict. She also has not respected my wishes in the past by posting pics on Facebook of the ultrasound, baby shower, and Sex of the baby. I want to be fair and respectful and I will allow her in his life; however as his mother my wishes are to be respected.
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  • kpahlkpahl member
    DaisyBlinks said:

    Just let the hospital staff know which visitors you'd like to see. The nurses can deal with you MIL...they'll have had experience.


    I had to sign off on every single person that got to see the baby--including DH. They didn't give him his hospital bracelet that allowed him into the nursery until I actually gave permission. You can decide who sees you and the baby. 
    Since she's not respecting your wishes go this route and let the hospital tell her no.

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  • capuletcapulet member
    Leahrose518 said:
    Not being close to her isn't the issue. She has a drug problem and because of that I am uncomfortable being around her. She can have supervised visits and I definitely would like her to meet the baby, but in a couple of days after the baby is born. She is a functioning drug addict. She also has not respected my wishes in the past by posting pics on Facebook of the ultrasound, baby shower, and Sex of the baby. I want to be fair and respectful and I will allow her in his life; however as his mother my wishes are to be respected.
    Okay, that makes sense.  If it isn't merely an issue of being close to her, I don't know why you repeatedly used those words.  If all you need is reassurance that you're being reasonable, then yes, you are.
    DD born 10/10/07 * DS born 11/25/11 * #3 due 3/9/2015
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  • TallulahsmomTallulahsmom member
    Leahrose518 said:
     I think I became upset today when his mother called me today and told me she will be in attendance on Tuesday and I needed to respect her wishes.
    WHAT!!! Sheesh. I would not have handled that conversation very well. I think you handled the situation just right. My MIL is always pushy when it comes to family get togethers and such. So when it came to my first delivery I had my husband let everyone know that an audience was not needed during delivery and we would call when we were ready. They came the next morning. The only thing that concerned me was if something went wrong he would be alone. But it went great.
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  • monkeybutt61612monkeybutt61612 member
    Tallulahsmom said:

    That depends. Your mother is coming to support you. Does your husband want his mother there to support him? If he is impartial then I would ask him to let her know the two of you would prefer she wait until the meet and greet. Or maybe you could invite her to come for a short introduction when you have settled in that evening or the next morning. (Your mom may need a break)

    Im sorry, but why would her husband need his mother there for support? He is not the one giving birth.
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  • notkateanymorenotkateanymore member
    I don't disagree with the day of, but why not the next day? You have 24 hours a day to bond with the baby. Your partner's mother visiting for an hour won't take that much away from that and after all, it's his child as well not to mention her grandchild. I am of the mind that you and SO should agree who is there and if you want your mother there and he wants his mother there, you should have her to visit. If he doesn't care to have her there, that's fine. But if you aren't willing to have her when he wants her, you shouldn't have your mother there either.
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