Freaking Out

ThoseWitchyParents · August 2013

Since my wife is pregnant with our first child, naturally I am worried about a lot of things especially miscarriage. I'm a worrier by nature and get attached really quickly. Can someone help ease the anxiety?

DavidStamps · August 2013

I wish I could give you something to help, but you're worried because you care and that's a good thing. Hang in there, be supportive and know that everything will work out, you just have to take it day-by-day. Unfortunately there are a million things to worry about and once you get past one, you will find another.

ThoseWitchyParents · August 2013

Thanks David. Wife says I worry too much sometimes haha. I know the feeling of finding things to worry about. I don't want to go through a heartbreak like that because I'm already so attached (amazing what such a small, apple seed sized embryo can do to a grown man). I guess that is my biggest fear...the loss and the heartbreak of not only me but my wife.

Coltsdad · August 2013

If you are a worrier, do NOT read the last 100-200 pages of What to Expect When You're Expecting. It literally lists nearly every single thing that could go wrong during pregnancy, including the one in a billion instances... it'll just give you more stuff to worry about that is unlikely to happen.

But like David said, you worry because you care. Good news is you'll have an ultrasound in 3-7 weeks (depending on your doctor) and hopefully you'll see a thriving little baby in there. Once you get out of the 1st trimester the odds of anything happening drop to like 2%.

Wulfgar · August 2013

I agree with Coltsdad, once you get out of the 1st trimester the odds of anything happening drops a ton. Also, the first 10 weeks are the scariest.

ThoseWitchyParents · August 2013

Yeah, I've already told myself that I'm not even picking up a pregnancy book because of that reason! I mean it's bad enough that I read the articles on here (which kind of set me off on this worry streak). I'm sure things will be fine as long as wifey continues to take her prenatal vitamins and all that good stuff...thinking too much always gets the best of me.

Wulfgar, then I will be glad to get out of these 10 weeks >.<

Wulfgar · August 2013

That brings up another portion of pregnancy, genetic testing, it is best not to get the testing especially if false positives run in your family. MW's one Aunt tested "positive" on her first two with the second having a two toes at least partially fused together and that is the worse of the two. She refused to get tested for the third since she didn't want to have to worry through another pregnancy.

ThoseWitchyParents · August 2013

Yeah, my wife had originally wanted to get genetic testing done and I talked her out of it LOL.

@apbloye, I'm glad that everything worked out.

To all, I've put my stress aside. I know that if things happen they happen. I am completely focused on keeping myself sane so I can keep my wonderful mommy-to-be as stress free as possible. We're actually going out tomorrow to my alma mater to visit some of my professors who were a very big part of both of our lives and then going to look at baby stuffs

bklyndad · August 2013

I'm a bit late replying to this, but as others have said: hang in there. At the end of the day, you have to keep reminding yourself that, despite the last 100 pages of "What to Expect" and all of the terrifying depictions in movies and on TV, pregnancy isn't a "condition" or an illness or something that's fraught with pitfalls and horrors; it's essentially your wife's body doing what it was designed to do. After her body gets used to the idea of hanging onto something it's been expelling once a month for the past XX years, everything usually rolls along just fine. Doesn't stop the odd "freak out" moment, of course, but then that doesn't stop after birth either. I still check in on our daughter during nap times to make sure she's breathing, though there's no reason she shouldn't be.

jrcheller · September 2013

Hi TWP,

I wouldn't wish what I went through on anybody. We had a very scary first trimester, we would go in for U/S and things wouldn't be there that you'd normally see, no fetal pole, no HB, blah blah, everyone was telling us this would not result in a pregnancy. I was devastated, cried myself into a frenzy one day. This & an insane amount of stress at work...eventually developed into panic attacks & full blown generalized anxiety. Even after we passed the 12 week mark in good condition, I spent another month or so worrying about how we'd afford a baby (ridiculous because we are fine financially), how'd we raise her (because I live overseas) and all sorts of other questions about uncontrollable things in the future.

I went to the hospital several times having a panic attack, not sure of what it was just thought I was having a heart attack or something like this. Slowly but surely I've gotten myself back again after some Xanax, therapy and self-help.

We are in the last week of pregnancy and I can tell you I am over the moon happy and not worried one bit about this baby. I am thinking again about how to get myself relocated back to the US, about the process of labor, and all these things that I think are probably pretty normal to try and plan for. But, my attitude is much different now, I accept where I'm at and what I can't change, and will start making plans to do the things I want to do.

I think for those of us worrying-types, we go through a lot in pregnancy. If you find yourself in need of someone to talk to or if you find that you are starting to go from worry to generalized anxiety disorder, I'm here to listen.

Hope you are feeling better soon.

Joshua

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