Gentle sleep training?

ObLaDi · September 2013

I know sleep training/CIO has been a hot topic recently.

My almost 8 month old is a very challenging sleeper and is up every 1-2 hours at night (2 hours is excitingly long). I bed share with him on a floor mattress in his room, but unfortunately these aren't half-awake-and-nurse-back-to-sleep wakings; there is often a fair amount of crying and work involved in getting him back out, after which I'm often too awake to fall quickly back to sleep myself. It isn't uncommon for me to get just two or three hours of sleep.

When DS wakes up for the day at ~6, my husband takes him and I nap for a few more hours (he's a SAHD and I don't usually work till later in the day). We're surviving, but we're both zombies (he doesn't sleep well with all the nocturnal crying either). I'm also increasingly worried that some or even most of DS's daytime fussiness stems from poor sleep. We're feeling more and more like something has to change.

Do any of you had advice or encouragement regarding gentle ways of adjusting sleep? I don't expect him to STTN, or to night wean. I'd like to get down to 2 or 3 night wakings.

My husband wants to just CIO and be done with it. The idea of that breaks my heart. I'm crying now just thinking about ending the era of sleeping with him and nursing on demand. But I really do think we need to change something. I'm just not sure how best to go about it.

I read NCSS but I already do most of that stuff. I started Good Night Sleep Tight a few months ago, but put it down because it didn't feel very breastfeeding friendly to me. Might be time to try it again.

Sorry I'm rambling. Any thoughts or advice would be much appreciated.

Emerald27 · September 2013

If you look at the crazy baby post below, I asked a few questions to @musicalmama5 that I think I'd also ask you. Take a look at those and maybe see if they're relevant to you.

I might also think teeth or ears or developmental milestone or growth spurt at 8months...has this been going on long or is it a recent development?

Discovering the root of his restlessness will help you either solve the problem (i.e. if he's too hot, dress him less warmly) or understand what he's experiencing (teething hurts, mom! It wakes me up and I need more snuggles!) to help you get through this phase. Phases like this are common and can last a few weeks, but good sleep is likely in your near future!

ETA: I would urge you to follow your mama instincts and not CIO unless both you and DH are 100% ok with it. Even then, I'd urge you to seek gentler methods of lengthening sleep stretches first, and to also look for the cause of the wakings and start there rather than jumping straight to working toward more sleep.

thatoneredhead · September 2013

I read the Sleep Lady Shuffle. Meh. She says she is all for bedsharing, yet it's damn-near impossible to do it if you are. She also approaches it like, "Oh yay for you! But I can fix that dear." Her basic routine is getting your baby drowsy, but awake. You lay them down with no attachments and if they fuss, you stay right with them for a day or so, then you move back after a few. Then you are almost out the door. Then you are out the door. And then if that still hasnt done it, you are basically at CIO. I wasnt a huge fan.

I would rather do it quick and dirty if I was at the breaking point. To me, that is far more gentle than dragging it out for 2 weeks. Your husband should know that sleep training isnt a done deal. You have to revist. Are you ok with that?

I never sleep trained and although I made it, it was rough. One of the "B's" is balance. I fully believe that you know your baby's limits. If it's making them "CIO" all day, whats the difference? I think there is a time and place for it.

My pretty crunchy pedi recommends the 3 day thing. Check every 5 min 1st night, 10 the 2nd, and 15 the 3rd. His statistics were pretty high for that method. He also doesnt like it until after 9 months.

ObLaDi · September 2013

Ah, it looks like musicalmama and I have very similar issues. Teach me to read before posting! :-)

Unfortunately, none of the more time limited sources emerald brought up seem to be relevant to us. He has always been like this. He slept up to 3 hours at a time until he was 3 months, but not since then. We've experimented with temperature. More food, less food, milk only. We've given Tylenol and Motrin. He's not sick. He is teething right now, but his sleep is only slightly worse than usual as a result; what I described was his nonteething norm.

The point about balance being one of the Bs is a good one, and comforting.

However, I know some people here feel very strongly about no CIO, which is why I'm looking here for alternatives. I want it to be a last resort for us. But: my son is fussy all day long. My husband is at the end of his rope. I'm at least borderline dangerous at work. We need to do something.

JJ_13 · September 2013

I understand PP's issues, but Good Night Sleep Tight worked for us - although I tweaked it a little. We just never got to the "outside the door" stage and I still go to her if she cries. But, doing the beside the bed thing (teaching her to go to sleep in her crib, not in my arms, but with me close by) did A LOT in increasing her sleep periods and getting her to go to sleep initially. My LO still wakes, but as a result of this modified Shuffle, she only wakes 1 - 3 times/night as opposed to every hour or two. I BF her usually 1 or 2 of those times and DH can comfort the other time, if there is one. Make sure you're reading the most recent edition - I think she revised it to be more bf'ing friendly. It is not co-sleeping friendly though - I mean, she doesn't condemn co-sleeping, but I think her method would be hard to do if you want to keep co-sleeping.

Be gentle, but don't be a martyr. Your and your husband's health are important as well. HTH.

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