s/o Niece stole my thunder

ChristineRich06 · August 2013

My niece is 24 but has delays, she tends to "like" every single thing i put on facebook. The other day she liked an ultrasound pic of DD2 from around 16 weeks. I commented "that's myla" but about 6 other people liked it too I then put "don't get too excited that pic is from 2010" Too late, BIL already called the husband at work & said congrats on the baby. DH thought I posted something so he just said thanks and continued to talk about it. I wasn't planning to tell everyone for another 2weeks. But now I definately can't announce with the ultrasound pic....ugh annoyed thanks a lot.

kaylynne · August 2013

I could see where that would be annoying. If BIL hasn't spread the news, you could still announce later. If it's out early... meh. That's annoying, but there will be other fun milestones, and now you don't have to be secretive, and you can start having people be all excited for you.

KariB509 · August 2013

Sounds like an unfortunate coincidence that she happened to "like" an old ultrasound while you're pregnant. Didn't anyone notice the date on the picture though??

[Deleted User] · August 2013

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ChristineRich06 · September 2013

you know what, we are all pregnant. If something bothers me that wouldn't bother you then keep your snarky comments to yourself. This is a place for ladies who are all on the same journey to be able to share and vent. Maybe if I wasn't pregnant it wouldn't be a big deal. It bothered me, someone else had vented about a SIL doing something similar with tagging on FB. All of us need support right now, there are enough crappy people in the world who don't care what we are going through. Again, if you don't have anything nice to say...

ChristineRich06 · September 2013

i do not disagree, I just wish in general people would be nice

ChristineRich06 · September 2013

wait a minute, I "shouldn't be posting here" because no one loved/ understood how i felt?

ChristineRich06 · September 2013

I have used this site since the nest in 2004 I know how it can be. All I'm saying is that every pregnant lady should be able to vent without crappy, sarcastic comments being made.The first comment on my post was just that.

gisa886 · September 2013

I'm sorry your BIL made an assumption and your husband confirmed it? I don't see that your niece did any thunder stealing by liking a picture that is probably clearly dated 2010. So just don't people until you are ready

qsflame · September 2013

I think your husband "stole your thunder" more than your niece did. I would think you guys would have communicated about a reveal. Maybe that's just me though.

HobokensFury · September 2013

1) there is no such thing as thunder stealing 2) referring to someone as having "delays" is really rude, insensitive and screwed up. I really want to sympathize with you but because of your comment I just can't.

[Deleted User] · September 2013

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JAck5209 · September 2013

Yup, sounds like DH is the one who stole the thunder. Your cousin did something totally innocent that was completely unrelated to your pregnancy. Sorry that you feel like your announcement was ruined. I hope you still get to surprise some people.

missperky · September 2013

Unfortunately facebook is one of those things that gets out of hands quickly especially when it's good gossip. A few years ago my friend posted something like "This is the year for babies" or "So many babies." We had 5 friends who were pregnant that year. I asked if she was referring to all our friends or if she was jumping on board too. Then all of a sudden people were congratulating her and what not and she had to post no she wasn't pregnant. I made an apology post which she said it was fine, obviously people expected her to be having baby #2. Sorry you feel that your thunder was taken. :-<

Excitedmum35 · September 2013

I had a situation during my last pregnancy where my brother guessed I was pregnant during a family wknd away and badgered me and my husbandthe entire time even tho I told him to leave me alone. I felt like a bullied little kid cos the more he hassled us the more I was determined not to announce it. I know it didn't take away from how beautiful my baby was and how much we love our son but at the time I was devastated.
I can understand how you would be disappointed, but at least noone intentionally put your news out there?
Oh and once my sister thought I was pregnant cos she saw I'd done a stupid "when will u have your next baby" quiz on fb. She was so upset with me- to think I would let her find out on fb!!!! This time I text her as soon as I'd has a positive result!!!

mamamia866 · September 2013

If snarks have a right to be snarky, other pregnant women have the same right to complain. We are ALL on the same Discussion board. I remember reading in the rules something about putting in the post title "support only please" if you don't want negative feedback. Just FYI for future reference

jessicaccely · September 2013

I think I would be frustrated in this situation too if I truly put myself in your shoes. My boss told one of my co workers 2 weeks ago and I had told no one at work yet! I was not too pleased. But the frustration eventually subsided. So I do understand. So now you should do a cute announcement on FB using a different pic that you know no one has seen. Good luck!

sheesha · September 2013

That does stink, because its exciting news that you wanted to share in your way. I hope that you don't get mad at your niece. But I UNDERSTAND and SUPPORT that you are frustrated. I agree that it isn't too much to ask for women to support each other. I also was raised that if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all. Women should be able to support each other, but unfortunately it's just not reality, especially on this site 30 % of the time. I've pretty much not posted much because I don't want to hear negativity. There are women on here that are kind and supportive so I would just listen to them and ignore the negative ones. Best of luck with your pregnancy and family !

mamamia866 · September 2013

car seat said:

mamamia866 said:

If snarks have a right to be snarky, other pregnant women have the same right to complain. We are ALL on the same Discussion board. I remember reading in the rules something about putting in the post title "support only please" if you don't want negative feedback. Just FYI for future reference

I've never seen such a rule. Please go find it.

And sometimes the best support you can give someone is to tell them when they're being ridiculous and gross.

I feel bad for you if you grew up like that. "You're being ridiculous and gross." Really?!?! Even if its not a rule, and freedom of speech still applies to this pregnancy board, then she could still say "support only please" if she wanted to. And you would have no reason to post if you did not have any positive support to give.

mamamia866 · September 2013

Laura8388 said:
I don't think people were nasty or snarky.

Sometimes at home, I have a complete meltdown, over something stupid like, him eating the last pickle.... And it takes for him to hold me by the shoulders to calm me down with "LAURA!!!! It's not a big deal!!!!!" Which I HATE at the time.. But when my emotions subside a bit later, I realize he was right..... And it was what I needed.

I think that's all that happened here.

I think a pickle is completely different than this situation. Granted, I don't know the OP personally, so I don't have any feelings either way, which is why I did not post until she stated she felt she was being personally attacked for being "ridiculous and gross". Some women got on their high horse and told her "if you can't take negative feedback, then don't post", but it seems like they are the ones when called out for giving negative feedback that take it personally. Sometimes we just need to vent, can't a woman vent without everyone who doesn't agree with her telling her she's "ridiculous and gross"?!?! I think a poster is more likely to continue posting "ridiculous and gross" things when she's being singled out than if no one responded at all.

mamamia866 · September 2013

You're right, I agree. I'm just making my point, as all of you were. And I'm done.

crystaljoanna · September 2013

OP - that sucks that it feels like your "thunder was stolen". Definitely frustrating which i understand. But at least it wasn't intentional. I've mentioned this before but both my step mom and MIL posted on Facebook that I was pregnant when I was only six weeks along without my knowledge or permission. Thankfully they didn't tag me so my friends didn't know. With PCOS, I learned I can't control everything in life - a hard lesson for me to learn. A good one though to learn before a kid arrives. The wonderful news is that you are pregnant, people are excited for you, and no one has intentionally done anything to spill your secret. Embrace the time and enjoy it! It doesn't happen that often in our lives! It may even be something you laugh about a few months from now.

mamamia866 · September 2013

mamamia866 said:

You're right, I agree. I'm just making my point, as all of you were. And I'm done.

Really? If someone in your family had some challenges would you go around complaining about the person with delays? Would you say that to your niece, in this situation? How about your niece's mom? If you had a child with delays, how would you feel if your child had the nerve to like something that someone on FB had once posted and then that someone bitched about them and their delays on the internet?

It's ridiculous and gross. I stand by it. OP needs to have some respect for her niece. Her niece did absolutely nothing wrong by liking a fucking picture on FB. If you don't want people liking your pictures, don't post on FB.

No thunder was stolen. And people aren't going to care that much, anyway. Sorry, but if you think that people are waiting with baited breath to see if there's going to be a third baby, you're wrong.

Be excited. Love that you're pregnant. Don't freak out over something this ridiculous, and don't look for your joy in this news from other people.

And don't feel bad for the way I grew up. If I was being ridiculous and posted about my ridiculousness on the internet, people wouldn't be doing me a favour by indulging that nonsense. Sometimes you need to realize when you're being really off, and most of the time people in real life won't tell you.

My niece has autism, thanks for asking.

mamamia866 · September 2013

Yea, it didn't need to be mentioned, but she was just venting. Though, she didn't specifically say "developmental delays" or "mentally challenged", and I am not convinced its implied. Like I said, I don't care either way. Your response was more disgusting to me, which is the only reason I posted in the first place. If we expect other people to be more considerate of their wording, then it should also be expected that we are considerate of ours. I'm not trying to convince you that you're wrong or I'm right, that would be ridiculous. And as I said before, I'm done. Don't expect any more responses from me on this post because its pointless.

Hrose7091 · September 2013

I actually understand exactly what she's saying on this post. Her sister liked her ultrasound pic from 2010 thus putting it on people's new feeds making people think it was new cause not everyone looks at the very small dates on fb. I get it. A bunch of people liked it basically announcing the pregnancy and therefore stealing her thunder. Really not a hard concept, and yes there's a lot of snarky and sarcastic comments here. People who blindly say there isn't so the "meanifaces" won't start on them too is ridiculous. It's so amusing how so many grown women resort to their high school days constantly on here.

Hrose7091 · September 2013

I post all the time, get over yourself.

Hrose7091 · September 2013

FarmBoysWife said:

Hrose7091 said:
I post all the time, get over yourself.
But you don't white knight all the time!
Jus' saying.

I'm not "white knighting" just pointing out that her post does infact make perfect sense and if someone did that to me falsely announcing my pregnancy I'd be kinda annoyed too. We could all sit around on here making sarcastic comments all day but what use would that be? I realize its for your own amusement but maybe take into account that no one treats you the way you treat others. Jus' sayin

Sanibel21 · September 2013

Hrose7091 said: I actually understand exactly what she's saying on this post. Her sister liked her ultrasound pic from 2010

I feel the need to point out if you understood exactly what OP was saying, you'd know it was her niece and not her sister...

Edit: quoting fail

Hrose7091 · September 2013

Sanibel21 said:

Hrose7091 said:

I actually understand exactly what she's saying on this post. Her sister liked her ultrasound pic from 2010

I feel the need to point out if you understood exactly what OP was saying, you'd know it was her niece and not her sister...

Edit: quoting fail

Yeah, cause that's the most important thing taken from this post. I understand the concept whether it was her niece, sister or SIL.

ChristineRich06 · September 2013

mamamia866 said:
If snarks have a right to be snarky, other pregnant women have the same right to complain. We are ALL on the same Discussion board. I remember reading in the rules something about putting in the post title "support only please" if you don't want negative feedback. Just FYI for future reference

thank you

ChristineRich06 · September 2013

Hrose7091 said:
I actually understand exactly what she's saying on this post. Her sister liked her ultrasound pic from 2010 thus putting it on people's new feeds making people think it was new cause not everyone looks at the very small dates on fb. I get it. A bunch of people liked it basically announcing the pregnancy and therefore stealing her thunder. Really not a hard concept, and yes there's a lot of snarky and sarcastic comments here. People who blindly say there isn't so the "meanifaces" won't start on them too is ridiculous. It's so amusing how so many grown women resort to their high school days constantly on here.

exactly. Thanks

cdnmomma · September 2013

Reading all of this makes me sad. Just sad. Grown women should not need to speak to each other so harshly. I can't understand let alone try to justify some of the meanness on here. It really breaks my heart. Some of the above content is bordering on bullying and as moms/moms to be we should know better.

sopranoali · September 2013

Paying no mind to all the immature garbage on this thread and just getting right to the point...
Facebook is the devil. I have one, but have had so many negative experiences with it I am thinking about disabling it. I think it's a good idea to disable it during 1st trimester, especially if some people know and you are trying to keep it secret from the broader population.
My MIL is a Facebook addict. Hubby and I already told our parents and siblings pretty much as soon as we found out. Then I had hubby call MIL back immediately after we told her to say specifically "do not post this or anything alluding to this on Facebook."
Fast forward less than a week. I have people coming out of the woodwork calling and texting and asking if I was pregnant. I asked them what makes you think that? Their response was my MIL had posted a drawing of a pregnant woman with a superimposed poem about an unborn child and God having a conversation. WTF!?! She did the one thing we SPECIFICALLY told her not to do. Then, she didnt see why it was a big deal when I confronted her, and told me to just lie to the people asking me. Seriously. Then she added a zinger in to tell people how could we possibly think if having a baby when hubby doesnt have a job? ughhhhhhhhh!!!! So I've deactivated my Facebook but will reactivate to post the announcement.

cdnmomma · September 2013

bearsbearsbears said:

Kalpa521 said:

Reading all of this makes me sad. Just sad. Grown women should not need to speak to each other so harshly. I can't understand let alone try to justify some of the meanness on here. It really breaks my heart. Some of the above content is bordering on bullying and as moms/moms to be we should know better.

I just hate when people on TB talk about bullying--I think calling snark bullying really negates what bullying actually is. No one on here has superior strength, no one is coercing others to get their way. Everyone is free to come and go as they wish. People are welcome to disagree and just because people aren't giving the "support" you may think posters deserve, does not make it bullying.

There was some name calling in the thread and what i perceive to be intimidation and meanness and I think that counts as bullying even though for the record, I said borderline bullying.

:P

s/o Niece stole my thunder

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