FTM Winging L&D

MissLauraPants · September 2013

I'm wondering if anyone else is just going into labor and delivery blind....and by that I mean I am not researching methods of relaxation, watching videos, taking classes etc.

I've told others this and they look at me like I'm crazy. I'm normally the super informed, research lady but I really feel like winging the labor techniques etc and just going with the flow. If course I know I want an epi, cord clamping, try to not have an induction or c section but other than that I got nothing!

I'm a family therapist and teach people breathing techniques to relax and I feel hypocritical saying this but I just can't see how breathing will get me through labor lol.

Anyone else winging this or am I super crazy...?

Jenball717 · September 2013

So, I'm a STM but I'm not doing any classes this time around even though it has been over 6 years since I have done this. I remember not using a lot of what I learned at the class I went to before. All I remember from it is them showing us a birth video that I wouldn't watch because it was freaking me out for what I was going to be doing soon, and being shown an epidural needle which also freaked me out about getting an epidural. So, made me more scared than ready.

MissLauraPants · September 2013

Lol and see I'm the opposite....I'm researching the parenting thing and have read happiest baby, what to expect first year, baby proofing marriage and Dr Spocks newborn care lol....and of course I researched every baby product bought!

Fishfam4 · September 2013

That's what I've done both times and plan to do again. Knowing your basic preferences as you stated was enough for me, and there are so many professionals around, especially the nurses, who walk you through it all. I also found no disappointment with the process either time since I didn't have a Huge list of expectations...

sweettwilight16 · September 2013

I'm focusing more on parenting and breast feeding. I know she needs to come out one way or another, and I don't want to scare myself. I have a birthing class on DVD, which I plan on watching, but also plan on fast forwarding through anything that freaks me out. It's not going to help anyone if I'm all stressed. Also, it's (hopefully) one day of your life. Parenting/breast feeding is more long term and has more of an impact on your baby.

LizC216 · September 2013

When I was pregnant with DD1, I kind of did the same thing. I did a CPR class, infant care class and breast feeding class. Nothing related to labor and/or delivery. I didn't even do a hospital tour. I managed just fine. I had general ideas about what I wanted and did not want. It all worked out fine!

megs1409 · September 2013

OP, I'm right there with you. I know basic options and key items to tell DH in case he needs to provide guidance based on what I'd LIKE to happen. However, I'm all for going with the glow and what the doctors and nurses in L&D think is best given my situation.

On the other hand, we are definitely preparing for parenting. I've read a bunch of books, we're signed up for a few classes, etc.

sarah_norton · September 2013

We've taken a birthing class and breast feeding class. Haven't read any parenting books though. My family all lives close so I guess I just rely on their support. My sister in law and brother have six kids so even through pregnancy I just text her with any questions. I figure she's a pro. And they just live down the street do if I need her to come over its no big deal.

carawasa · September 2013

FTM and I have gone to parenting classes but that's about it. I bet that once the real thing is happening all of it will go out the window. It seems like something you can't be prepared for because it could go any way!

Ajoyd · September 2013

If you know you're getting the epidural I can see being more relaxed about the process. I am trying an unmedicated birth and feel like I need to know what I'm getting myself into! Like @comeongetdown I've done hardly any parenting research. But I am taking a newborn care/breast feeding class.

pmarie33 · September 2013

When you have a contraction (later in labor) you really have to concentrate on breathing.

SuperTreesa · September 2013

I think it would be helpful to look into some natural pain relieving/handling techniques. I've heard of too many cases of epis that don't work/half work or your too far along to get it.

tmccord21 · September 2013

FTM- I just finished a Bradley Book last night. I'm really glad I read it. It was very informative on what actually happens to your body. I feel like if you know the mechanics of it all you will have a better grasp on the experience. It helped me understand when you should head to the hospital, etc. You do not want to go to the hospital too early. So boring! and that bed is hard as hell. I spent 7hrs in L&D and it was torture!

Amjoy25 · September 2013

I think it's more common than the women on TB would let you think. The nurses know what they are doing and are there to help you throughout your labor. I would be more concerned about learning how to take care of baby!

shelley1002 · September 2013

I did the class last time as a FTM. It was informative but I didn't use any of the breathing and relaxation techniques. I didn't feel I needed them especially after getting an epi.

lefnc82 · September 2013

I'm a FTM, DH and I took the birthing/parenting class at our hospital but I really didn't find it all that informative. Stuff I pretty much already knew just from friends experiences, I think it was good for DH though, he didn't realize what all went into the whole l&d process. But other than that I haven't read any books or done any research on anything, been that way the entire pregnancy really. I kind of figure women have been giving birth for years without the info overload you can find on the internet and it works out just fine! I don't want to make myself paranoid by over informing myself, I have my preferences for birth that DH knows about and I figure that's good enough for me.

MySunshine213 · September 2013

I winged it with DD.. I had a mindset of "There are medical professionals there, they'll help walk me through stuff".. But looking back, I had very med-happy nurses and not knowing anything, I was just like "ok sure, they know what they're doing".. They gave me an epi at 1-2 cm bc I "might as well avoid being in pain".. I was having regular contractions - at least they told me I was "definitely in active labor" but they were hardly painful. I was talking through them.. I literally spent my entire "labor" (save an hour or two that I walked around the hospital) laying on a bed numb from the waist down. Then I ended up with a CS. This time I know that I want to avoid an epi till 5cm if I can handle it. But if the contractions are painful this time ("if", lol) I want to know how to handle them. I can't guarantee that the nurses/drs will be willing or able to walk me through the breathing. So whether it's a class, video, book, etc, I plan on researching it (not till I'm blue in the face, but enough to feel confident in my body). ETA: I believe they had told me to come to the hospital when my contractions were 5 min apart for at least an hour.. I was having contractions 5 min apart for a few hours before I actually went in., this time my dr said it's not just how far apart they are... Are they still getting shorter? Can you talk through them? It's more than just timing them. If I had known that, I would have spent a lot more time at home before coming in.

jnsmith85 · September 2013

FTM- I haven't really done any research. I work in the Neonatal ICU so I am very comfortable with newborns... DH not so much but we'll survive! I had him come up to the hospital one day to show him where L&D was at and to show him the brand new PP floor... other than that we have done nothing. No classes or books.

It also helps that I personally know the L&D/PP nurses since they are my coworkers!

Now after that newborn stage, we may need some help haha!!

sledchick04 · September 2013

I kind of winged dd's birth and now regret it.... Not being informed made it a not fun experience that I'm not looking forward to repeating... I have since heard so many people tell stories of great birth experiences that happened way faster then dd that I'm trying to research a bit more and be more informed of what I can do in labor to help! Even if I do end up with an epidural I want it later, etc...

bkeane619 · September 2013

I pretty much winged it last time and didn't take a class other than baby care because I had never been around one. I did read stuf in TB, Internet and watched a crapload of baby story lol.

cvjoyner · September 2013

I'm taking a birthing class but although I'm sure it will be informative and helpful, I doubt I will be thinking of any of that stuff when I'm actually in hard labor. So while I'm not completely winging it, I am just taking the class as what it is- a class. No amount of classes can prepare me for childbirth.

Amjoy25 · September 2013

MySunshine213 said:

I winged it with DD.. I had a mindset of "There are medical professionals there, they'll help walk me through stuff".. But looking back, I had very med-happy nurses and not knowing anything, I was just like "ok sure, they know what they're doing".. They gave me an epi at 1-2 cm bc I "might as well avoid being in pain".. I was having regular contractions - at least they told me I was "definitely in active labor" but they were hardly painful. I was talking through them.. I literally spent my entire "labor" (save an hour or two that I walked around the hospital) laying on a bed numb from the waist down. Then I ended up with a CS. This time I know that I want to avoid an epi till 5cm if I can handle it. But if the contractions are painful this time ("if", lol) I want to know how to handle them. I can't guarantee that the nurses/drs will be willing or able to walk me through the breathing. So whether it's a class, video, book, etc, I plan on researching it (not till I'm blue in the face, but enough to feel confident in my body). ETA: I believe they had told me to come to the hospital when my contractions were 5 min apart for at least an hour.. I was having contractions 5 min apart for a few hours before I actually went in., this time my dr said it's not just how far apart they are... Are they still getting shorter? Can you talk through them? It's more than just timing them. If I had known that, I would have spent a lot more time at home before coming in.

I like your Schweaty Balls SNL skit!

However, it was not the nurses' decision to give you an epi. There was a doctor somewhere who approved it. AND...it is your nurse's job to ensure you are aware of your options, this includes medications; we are taught to keep you comfortable, and are commonly pro-pain meds because labor is painful. We do not like to see people suffer...contrary to popular TB belief.

mols228 · September 2013

This is my third and I never took any classes. Since I have never had the class experience I can not say whether it is worth it or not, but I never felt as though I missed anything. Sometimes I wonder if DH would have benefited from some sort of class though. He's great, but at the same time I don't feel like he gets what I go through. But maybe there's no way for a man to understand it.

MySunshine213 · September 2013

Amjoy25 said:

MySunshine213 said:

I winged it with DD.. I had a mindset of "There are medical professionals there, they'll help walk me through stuff".. But looking back, I had very med-happy nurses and not knowing anything, I was just like "ok sure, they know what they're doing".. They gave me an epi at 1-2 cm bc I "might as well avoid being in pain".. I was having regular contractions - at least they told me I was "definitely in active labor" but they were hardly painful. I was talking through them.. I literally spent my entire "labor" (save an hour or two that I walked around the hospital) laying on a bed numb from the waist down. Then I ended up with a CS. This time I know that I want to avoid an epi till 5cm if I can handle it. But if the contractions are painful this time ("if", lol) I want to know how to handle them. I can't guarantee that the nurses/drs will be willing or able to walk me through the breathing. So whether it's a class, video, book, etc, I plan on researching it (not till I'm blue in the face, but enough to feel confident in my body). ETA: I believe they had told me to come to the hospital when my contractions were 5 min apart for at least an hour.. I was having contractions 5 min apart for a few hours before I actually went in., this time my dr said it's not just how far apart they are... Are they still getting shorter? Can you talk through them? It's more than just timing them. If I had known that, I would have spent a lot more time at home before coming in.

Yeah I'm sorry- I don't mean to blame the nurses. I'm more mad at myself that if they offered/suggested things I did not question anything, based on my own ignorance at the time. DD and I were safe and healthy, which at the end of the day is most important so I still think they did a good job - I just wish I had allowed myself to be more in control. I like your Schweaty Balls SNL skit!

However, it was not the nurses' decision to give you an epi. There was a doctor somewhere who approved it. AND...it is your nurse's job to ensure you are aware of your options, this includes medications; we are taught to keep you comfortable, and are commonly pro-pain meds because labor is painful. We do not like to see people suffer...contrary to popular TB belief.

MySunshine213 · September 2013

Ugh sorry for the misplaced quote :-/

BeachMama7693 · September 2013

I went into L&D pretty uninformed and honestly I slightly regret that decision to not take a class or anything. I asked for my Epi at 4 cm and didn't get it until 10 hours later at almost 9 cm. I had no idea about breathing techniques and suffered through transition labor and it was so painful I swear I held my breath through contractions because I didn't know what else to do. I listened to the nurses when they asked me if I wanted iv pain meds and I wish I didn't. If I had to do it again I would take a Lamaze class to learn how to relax and breathe. I HIGHLY suggest at least reading a book about relaxation and breathing techniques. It will really, really help you.

jen-and-ryon · September 2013

I took a class with my first and it was pretty pointless. I didn't learn anything I didn't already know. I knew I didn't want a c section and wanted to go without meds if I could. Nothing can prepare you 100% for what happens.

miliamp · September 2013

if yuo're going to take a class, research it a little bit. The class I took was super helpful, in that she covered medications (epidural) and some natural methods, including body positioning and where DH could apply counter pressure, as well as, covering the progression of labor so that we both knew what to expect. I don't entirely understand the purpose of doing no research prior to delivery. I assume everyone's done their research so they can do what's best for an inside baby. So why not know what you're getting into during delivery. I think knowing what to expect made the whole experience significantly less frightening than if I had no clue what was coming. For the record, I went unmedicated, mostly because I wanted to try it. I'll probably do it again, by personal choice. I don't understand why anyone is afraid of birthing? It's pretty awesome, you suffer through it, and then instant gratification, that little person who's been inside of you is suddenly in your arms and you can actually see them! When else do we ever get instantaneous gratification after busting our butts (literally?)

xkittyxbearx · September 2013

This is my third time and I've just kind of gone with it every time. My goal is always med free and so far I've been able to but other than that I didn't even think about/ care about L&D besides the usual anxiety. My hospital gives me a birth plan check off thing that always asks what positions I want to try and tools/ techniques and I never check off anything just whatever happens happens lol.

Chrisanna0508 · September 2013

FTM here and I am kind of a research-a-holic. My sister has a c section, but went into labor first and hadn't researched anything about labor so had trouble before they got her into surgery since she had no idea what to expect. I am glad that at least I will have something to go from, but also that I am ready to let DH know what I want him to do to help me and prepare him for that. I don't think there is a right or wrong answer though. You have to go with what you want to do and what will make you comfortable.

linzluvsgzuss · September 2013

FTM and I'm totally opposite. It just seems a little silly to me to say that you can definitively know what you do or don't want without doing any research at all. Personally, if I'm going to go through one of the hardest things I will ever experience as a woman, I'd like to be knowledgeable and informed. I see it like a marathon...there's no way your average person could finish or do well at a marathon without training. Nothing will fully prepare you for labor and delivery because every experience is unique (from what experienced moms have told me), but to not put any prep in seems foolish to me - I don't want to look back on the experience and wish I would have done more ahead of time to make sure I had the safest, healthiest, and best experience possible (within my limited ability to control what does or doesn't happen during labor and delivery). Granted, I'm trying to do natural delivery so I'm doing more practice and prep (of natural coping techniques) than probably most ladies. That's my personal opinion though, and I wish everyone, regardless of their opinion, the best labor and delivery possible.

germanpickle · September 2013

I read a bit as a FTM but shared your opinion that it would work out. I *really* wish I would have spent more time preparing for the time after labor. Especially around breastfeeding: built a network, went to a LLL meeting, etc. I got so much awful advise that made it more difficult than necessary!!

katenpaul · September 2013

MissLauraPants, I think you will be fine if you are open to direction. When I get labor patients like you in the hospital (depending on that person's personality!) I am usually glad. Like many of you said, a lot of the labor techniques classes teach you are worthless for the real thing. Listen to what your nurse and doctor are telling you for guidance. If you know you want an epidural, my advice is to ask when you are starting to get a bit uncomfortable. DO NOT wait until the moment you absolutely have to have it right now because it won't happen that way. Every facility has a different protocol for prepping the patient before the procedure. At mine it takes at least 30min from when the request is made before I can put my patient on the wait list for the epidural. Sometimes they are the only one on that list and the anesthesiologist comes quickly thereafter, other times they have to wait for 6 (or more) other women to get theirs first. Usually the whole procedure takes 10min to do, longer depending on the patient's anatomy or the skill of the doctor. Good luck in labor!

yesthisiskim0401 · September 2013

I totally went into L&D blind as a bat. Didn't bother me any. The only prep we did was the hospital tour. I freak myself out way too much when I do the whole researching and preparation thing - I was reading WTEWYE and had to put it down at 20w w/ DD1.

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