So I don't see my mom that much, but her to to phrase is "my baby" when talking about my pregnancy. Like, "Ali, don't reach over your head/scream too loud at the football game/jump up and down/eat that, don't hurt my baby."
This irritates the shit out of me. How to break that to her gently?
Maybe you could ask her what she wants to be called as a grandmother by the kid. Then start referring to the baby as "_____'s baby" instead. Maybe she'll catch on. That's the gentle way.
Or, you could say, "It kind of weirds me out when you say, 'my baby' since it's actually my baby mom. Can you think of a different name?" That's more direct and would upset my mom. She would get over it though...eventually.
I have the same issue with my stepmom. She has referred to it as 'our baby' twice and it boils my blood. I decided if she does it again, I'm going to correct her and hope she gets the hint.
My mom said it a few times during my first pregnancy. It didn't work me up, but it was irritating. I said something along the lines of, "Gee, didn't realize you were planning on pushing a baby out of your vagina in February." She didn't say it again.
Re: Annoying
Or, you could say, "It kind of weirds me out when you say, 'my baby' since it's actually my baby mom. Can you think of a different name?" That's more direct and would upset my mom. She would get over it though...eventually.
ETA: If she was telling me what to do/not to do all the time like in your case, THAT would drive me crazy!