Pros and Cons

starsinger17 · August 2013

DH and I want another baby but are scared about the challenges about having 2 under 2 although we both agree that having 2 kids will be difficult at any age.

So what are some pros and cons from your experiences?

memali26 · August 2013

Pros: They love each other. It's one of the greatest blessings of my life to watch them interact and play together. I know there is no guarantee they'll always be friends, but I love knowing they will (hopefully) always have each other.

Get out of the baby stage sooner. We prefer to do all the diapers, bottles, long nights, etc., over while we're still in the trenches, so to speak, rather than start over ever few years.

Our oldest will be 4 when our youngest is born - 3 kids in 4 years. They'll all be close enough in age that *most* family events/attractions/outings will be age appropriate/enjoyable for everyone.

Cons: Adding #2 when #1 was only 19 months old really rocked our world. Someone constantly needs something and I'm always exhausted.

Two in diapers is expensive.

Really, for us, the pros far, far outweighed the cons. If I had the choice to go back and do it all over again, I would not change a single thing.

ebp913 · August 2013

Pros - less overall time in diapers, we in a sense decided to put ourselves in the trenches for a few years and be out of the baby phase sooner overall as the PPer said. I also like that they will do and like things at roughly the same times because they are close in age. If we had a 1 year old and 4 year old, their interests would be really different.

Cons - my 2 don't play together yet and it's VERY hard having 2 children who both want 100% of your attention. I think in a couple months when DS is older and they can actually play together it will be SO much better but right now, it's rough. Eating out is darn near impossible, travel isn't very fun, and a "vacation" with them is no vacation for us as parents.

I realize it sounds like I have a lot more cons and at the moment, I do but I still wouldn't have done things differently. I think our light at the end of the tunnel is 3-6 months away or so and I am really looking forward to that. I love my kids and I love our life but I am being totally honest with you about how hard it is. It is super hard right now. My 1st was a breeze and DS is very high needs so that plays a LARGE part in why it's been tough for us. The reason I wouldn't change it though is because they are only babies for such a short time in the grand scheme of things, this time period will seem so short.

Scarlett&Gatsby · August 2013

(I'm on an iPad so I apologize in advance for the formatting). W love 2u2 now. It's been a great experience for us, and I felt like the close age gap made the transition easier on DD1. For the first several months DD1 didn't pay much attention to DD2; I felt like DD2's nap schedule gave me lots of quality time with DD1, and having them both napping helps me get things done around the house. The primary con for me was the delivery. I hated being away from DD1 all day because I knew she didn't fully grasp why DH and I were gone. When my dad brought her to my hospital room after DD2 was born, DD1 just sat in my lap and clung to me. It was heartbreaking for me. I wish she could have been more capable of understanding why we weren't with her. After that, though, it's been great. It was a big adjustment for me, but I felt like everyone else in our family adjusted really well. And I like how they interact now. I'm excited for them to be old enough to play together.

Arielle27 · August 2013

Pros - no jealousy when number two was born. They are best friends. THey learn from one another. One grows out of something it goes directly to the other (clothes, toys etc), or they just share. Since number two was about a year old they've been on the same schedule and have eaten basically the same foods. They like the same games, activities, etc.

Cons: no sleep for so long without a break! If you have them very close together, subsequent pregnancies are harder on your body. It is a big financial hit in many ways (two cribs, car seats, strollers/or a double stroller etc - you need doubles of bigger items that would otherwise pass from one hold to another), although you can usually get school discounts, which does help!

I thought we had made a mistake in the first few months of 2u2 (mostly because I was just soooo tired), but have since thought it is crazy for people to do it any other way!!! It really has been the best decision for our family...!

Now we have 3 under 3 due in a few weeks.. Well, I'm starting to think we're just crazy again! Lol hopefully this too shall pass...

kcisthebombdotcom · August 2013

Pros:we've never experienced jealousy (and were over 2.5 years in!) traveling is easier because the kids have all the same interests. We have one set of toys for both kids. They play together all the time and get along well (though I do credit that more to their personalities than their spacing as I know people with 2u2 that fight constantly). Got the pregnancy stuff out of the way and could get back in shape vs getting the weight off then having to lose it again. Could stay home with both kids without taking more time out of the workforce.
Con: the early days were tiring. There was a learning curve in managing to get both kids out the door to activities.

Pinklemondreams · August 2013

My two are 17 months apart. The first 8 months were pure hell. The second one teethed really badly, the older one was still too young to let me put the little one down in peace, and my husband was working nights for very long hours so I felt like a single mom. HOWEVER once the initial teething ended and my daughter turned 2 it became soooooooooooooo much easier. It's almost ridiculous how easy it is now. Yes I'm still tired but I can run my household, take care of my husband and kids, and still squeeze in some of my own time. The kids play together really well. they've never experienced jealousy issues and my older one has become more social with other kids because she has a permanent playmate at home. It's such a great experience that we are pregnant again! DS and the third one will be 20 months apart. Good luck!!

lkm2006 · August 2013

Mine are 17 months apart (ages now are almost 23 months and almost 6 months)

IMO the first 3 months were the easiest. 3-5 were the worst (so far, haha!) and I feel like we are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and things are becoming easier.

PROS:
1) no jealousy whatsoever. It was such an easy transition and it didn't even phase DS bringing a baby home.
2) like another PP said, once your oldest is done with something, it basically goes straight to the next kid. The clothes my DS wore last fall are going to my youngest son for this fall.
3) I have no idea what it's like to go out without packing diapers. You are still in baby mode so that's not a new adjustment.
4) the best.. Once you see them start to interact (and one day, play) how could it not be worth it??

CONS:
1) I'm not a baby person. I love the newborn cuddles but I enjoy a mobile baby/toddler. I LOVE my sweet baby and it makes me sad they are only so little such a small, small amount of time, but to be honest.. I'm so guilty of wishing he was just a little older to make things easier. Weird, I know.
2) going anywhere is hard. Really hard. My oldest still likes to be carried a lot of places and if he's in the wrong mood, can throw a major fit. It's so hard to balance them both when I'm by myself. Key point is I do though. The sooner you get out, the easier it becomes. I started taking them out by myself when DS2 was two weeks. Bad days happen but it's not every single time.
3) two very young kids want 100% of your attention and don't understand why they can't have it. It breaks my heart when DS1 needs me or wants to cuddle but the baby needs me (and vice versa). But again, we get plenty of individual cuddles and time together so it really hasn't been a bump in the road.

All in all, even on our worst days, I have never regretted our decision!

Mommy2CB · August 2013

It's actually been much easier than I expected. You get into a routine pretty quickly and everyone adjusts. I think it's easier in some ways as you have all ready gone through it all ready and know exactly what you are doing, and are more relaxed about it. The hardest part is caring for BOTH, but like I said, you figure it out. I just barely made 2U2 though, my boys are 22 mos apart. Also, I did a lot of research on jealousy and planned accordingly and we've thankfully had no problems in that dept which is what I was most worried about!

I love that they are just under 2 years apart and can't wait to watch them interact as DS2 grows. For me, I waited til DS1 was one year before trying as it was important to me to really enjoy his first year with just him, but everyone is different! There is going to be pros and cons to anything!

Divallyn · August 2013

I think the argument that your children are best friends is only valid while they are young. My sister and I were close in the first few years and we are only 18 months apart. But we started to drift apart around school age and now never talk ... Whereas my oldest sister who is six years older than me I am super close with and always have been. I think age can help in deciding but personalities really decide if siblings will be close for childhood and adulthood.

LC122 · September 2013

Mommy2CB said:
Also, I did a lot of research on jealousy and planned accordingly and we've thankfully had no problems in that dept which is what I was most worried about!

What did you read/research and how did you plan accordingly?
Any book recommendations?
I have heard "Siblings Without Rivalry" recommended a lot (but maybe to/by parents with older children) but I wasn't sure what age(s) it addressed.
TIA

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