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WWYD (wedding shower gift)

SomersIslesSomersIsles member
in March 2014 Moms
Here's the scenario. Distant cousin on DH side attended our wedding a couple years ago. We invited them out of pressure from the MIL. I had a traditional girly bridal shower with close friends and family in the guest list... aka not the distant cousin.

Presently distant cousin is getting married. Just received co-ed wedding shower invite... Hosted by the bride (??). Theme.... "Greenback shower" aka gimme money. We are busy anyway. DH thinks we should send a check. I think that's unnecessary. We will attend the wedding however.

Thoughts?
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Re: WWYD (wedding shower gift)

  • PerkyErkyPerkyErky member
    I would RSVP that you are not attending. If you don't attend the shower no gift necessary and since you are attending the wedding I assume you will have a wedding gift.
    Married 11/23/11, TTC starting 10/12, BFP#1 11/30/12, Adoption of stepson finalized 03/19/13,Loss of our daughter at 20w4d due to incompetent cervix 03/27/13, BFP#2 06/28/13, DS2 born 3/1/14.

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  • legallygingerlegallyginger member
    I wouldn't send anything just out of spite. Distant relative? Thrown for herself? Requesting money? Three strikes, you're out.
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  • HKline922HKline922 member
    We registered for our honeymoon (also a money giving scenario). We didnt receive gifts from ppl who didnt come to our shower and we were ok with it. I doubt they will hold it against you.
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  • HappyWife01HappyWife01 member
    Buy her a book about finances and mail it to her. It's paper and it's about money.

    I had to look up what greenback showers were and I've never heard of them. They are so tacky.

     
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  • SomersIslesSomersIsles member
    legallyginger said:

    I wouldn't send anything just out of spite. Distant relative? Thrown for herself? Requesting money? Three strikes, you're out.

    My thoughts exactly. DH is getting pissy about it, no clue why. He keeps saying we had people send us gifts for my bridal shower that didn't come but were invited. Um, it was only 2 people.... My brother's girlfriend who is a doctor and couldn't get the time off and my best friend who had recently moved to Colorado. Completely different.

    I hate when people think weddings are money making ventures. Weddings are celebrations of marriage, end of story.
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  • ceh789ceh789 member
    Eh if it's your husbands family and he wants to send a check I'd do it, myself. I generally let my husband take the lead for his side under the assumption that he knows them better than I do. Is it rewarding bad behavior? Sure, but sometimes I care more about keeping the peace than making a stand -particularly when it comes to distant relatives.
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  • LolaBelle11LolaBelle11 member
    Thrown by her? Requesting money.... ummmmmm NO. L-)
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  • TradeMamaTradeMama member
    I would skip the shower and only do a wedding gift.
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  • ajdmamaajdmama member
    @ceh789 I agree... if my H wanted to send a cousin money then I'd let him. Odds are in the grand scheme of life you may be in his shoes one day and you'll have a bargaining chip.
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  • crystaljoannacrystaljoanna member
    Just spend a couple extra dollars on a wedding gift. I wouldn't worry too much about it.
    Officially started TTC January 2012
    Dx with PCOS November 2012
    2/2013 - First round of Femara - No O
    Took 2 months to get vaccinated from the chickenpox
    5/2013 - Second round Femara - No O
    6/2013 - Third round of Femara + HCG Trigger Shot = O!
    7/18/2013 - Found out I was pregnant
    Dx with Gestational Diabetes at 28 weeks
    Dx with Macrosomia at 33 weeks
    Taking Glyburide and Metformin to control GD
    Due date is March 29th but we are moving forward with a scheduled C-Section on March 25th

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  • legallygingerlegallyginger member
    SomersIsles said:

    legallyginger said:

    I wouldn't send anything just out of spite. Distant relative? Thrown for herself? Requesting money? Three strikes, you're out.

    My thoughts exactly. DH is getting pissy about it, no clue why. He keeps saying we had people send us gifts for my bridal shower that didn't come but were invited. Um, it was only 2 people.... My brother's girlfriend who is a doctor and couldn't get the time off and my best friend who had recently moved to Colorado. Completely different.

    I hate when people think weddings are money making ventures. Weddings are celebrations of marriage, end of story.
    SomersIsles said:

    legallyginger said:

    I wouldn't send anything just out of spite. Distant relative? Thrown for herself? Requesting money? Three strikes, you're out.

    My thoughts exactly. DH is getting pissy about it, no clue why. He keeps saying we had people send us gifts for my bridal shower that didn't come but were invited. Um, it was only 2 people.... My brother's girlfriend who is a doctor and couldn't get the time off and my best friend who had recently moved to Colorado. Completely different.

    I hate when people think weddings are money making ventures. Weddings are celebrations of marriage, end of story.
    Ask him if he would have noticed if the people that didn't show up to your shower hadn't sent you a gift. I think if you're not attending it is a nice gesture (like your bff) but its never expected. And if it is expected, your cousin is even more rude than she already seems.
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  • farmrosefarmrose member
    I'd send her an ettiquette book. Well I'd wish I could do that. If you are going to the wedding just take a gift then. If you're not attending the shower I see no reason to send money to this rude person. Family or not.
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  • NorBar39NorBar39 member
    If it was important to my husband then I probably would.
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  • jwls84jwls84 member
    Ugh I hate cash grabs! I wouldn't send anything, if I can't go I would usually send a gift with someone, but only if I was close to the person.
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  • SomersIslesSomersIsles member
    I told him we should send them wine glasses and other kitchen stuff just in spite of their request for cash lol
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  • KariB509KariB509 member
    Tacky. I think you can RSVP that you're not attending and not send a gift. I was recently invited to DH's step sister's (his dad married her mom a few years ago so he doesn't even consider her a step sister) and I didn't attend and didn't send a gift. Not sure about the etiquette of that but I think it's okay.
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