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BM lied-worth bringing it up?

emme022emme022 member
in Blended Families
So some of you might remember BM and my SO had a whole back and forth about a wedding that was going to take place during his days since she did not want to exchange time for it, which all got worked.  So anyways BM's vaca was from the 16th to the 25th(sunday) and then Monday and tuesday were here days and LO was supposed to be with SO wed and thurs but BM said Wednesday was the rehearsal dinner and Thursday was the wedding and they were out of state where they would be on vacation so she had to keep her for those 2 days.  So as it turns out someone I know, who is my facebook friend, is also good friends with BM's sister whose wedding it was.  

On Monday,the 26th, she posted pictures of the wedding since she was there.  So as it turns out BM lied about the date of the wedding because she did not want to have to leave her vacation with her family to bring LO back home.  And she good have taken her vacation days for the whole week but instead took it earlier even though they did not actually leave for the vacation until the 24th(which she also lied about).  I am guessing she at least partly did this because she assumed SO would just give her the extra days if it was for the wedding and maybe that is why she flipped out and got sooo angry and dragged the whole day switching thing out for a month.

Anyways although this is really irritating and kind of messed up that she lied about wedding dates and then continuously lied about it to try to get what she wanted, because she did not want to make the 2 hr drive back home so LO could be with SO on his days, I told SO I really do not think it is worth bringing it up at this point since it already happened etc so what good is it.  Do you agree or no?  
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Re: BM lied-worth bringing it up?

  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    I would let her know you know she lied to get her way and then drop it.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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  • MommyEllenSueMommyEllenSue member
    I would also let her know that you know what she did. Document it in case you ever need to bring it up for court and then let it go. There's really nothing else you can do. Sorry that happened I know how frustrating it can be.
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  • WahooWahoo member
    I would tell her you know she lied and from now on require proof if she mentions any special events. Personally I would stick to CO only with her as a result but I don't remember if you depend on her being flexible with you.
    image "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
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  • CFjo2010CFjo2010 member
    edited August 2013
    Exactly what @Littlejen22 and @MommyEllenSue said. Call BM out on her lies, and then file it away for later use in Court if needed. Attach copies of written exchanges regarding the dates (where BM specifically says dates and why she needs them) and move on. For right now there isn't anything you can really do, but it will definitely help illustrate BM's manipulations if you end up in Court again.

    Also, it will be good to use this set of lies to back up why you guys aren't willing to stray from the CO or change things around in the future.
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  • new+tothisnew+tothis member
    I guess I'm in the minority here but I wouldn't mention it. I would document it. Then next time she wants a vacation time I would only accommodate her as it was convenient and cite this as the reason why - she lied about her last vacation.
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  • +just+j++just+j+ member

    Your DH should bring it up. Not you.  And he should just state calmly and not in an antagonizing way that he knows, how he discovered it, and next time, will you please just be honest with me? And the that can open up the discussion maybe, if he addresses it respectfully, on how they communicate better together and come to easier agreements/compromises.

    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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  • EarthandFireEarthandFire member
    Isn't this the same woman who has been taking LO out of state without telling SO? Refused to provide an address when going out of state even though it's in the CO, refuses to text or email and now you've caught her in this lie? Or am I confusing your BM with someone else's?
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  • twister22twister22 member
    jobalchak said:
    Exactly what @Littlejen22 and @MommyEllenSue said. Call BM out on her lies, and then file it away for later use in Court if needed. Attach copies of written exchanges regarding the dates (where BM specifically says dates and why she needs them) and move on. For right now there isn't anything you can really do, but it will definitely help illustrate BM's manipulations if you end up in Court again. Also, it will be good to use this set of lies to back up why you guys aren't willing to stray from the CO or change things around in the future.
    Exactly this. I wouldn't make a huge deal about it, but just let her know. I would probably email or text so that BM can't get emotional/defensive in person or over the phone.
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  • emme022emme022 member
    edited August 2013
    EarthandFire said:
    Isn't this the same woman who has been taking LO out of state without telling SO? Refused to provide an address when going out of state even though it's in the CO, refuses to text or email and now you've caught her in this lie? Or am I confusing your BM with someone else's?
    Yes this is the same person who admitted at the drop off for this vaca that she has taken LO out of state overnight before without telling SO even though she knows it is in the CO and she refused to provide an address for where she would be for this vacation even though it is CO'd.  At the time we both figured she was just being difficult for no reason, now it seems pretty likely she was afraid SO would figure out she lied and try to come out there to pick up LO(which is kind of stupid since they had already exchanged for the days anyways but w/e.)

    And yes she refuses to email and has deleted her email address and will occasionally answer texts but only if she wants to which is not often.  She will only communicate in person(in front of LO) so for most things SO tries to just hand her a letter but she then drags out the response etc...total pita but better than when BM goes off in front of LO.

    Thank you everyone for your advice I will tell SO and hopefully if he just calmly tells BM he knows she had lied about it she will be less likely to do it again.

    Edited to add: For someone else who asked, no we do not really rely on BM for flexibility.  They have 50/50 and in a little over a year have asked to switch weekends once and asked for time for an event once, which she refused anyways, so we rarely have to ask her for a favor/flexibility etc.
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  • EarthandFireEarthandFire member
    If she's refusing written correspondence I would look into laws on audio recording conversations. It sounds like the only way you'll get proof of her behavior that isn't he said she said. Good luck. She sounds like a challenge. Hang in there.
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