PPA/PPD Check-In

valstulas · August 2013

Looking through all the threads today, it seems like a lot of us are dealing with this. How about a check in?

How has your mood been this week?

Are you on meds? Supplements? Going to counseling?

What's something you've been struggling with this week? Anything good that you'd like to mention?

valstulas · August 2013

I'll start.

My mood has been okay. I'm definitely not feeling as relaxed and content as I was a few weeks ago.

I take 50 mg of Zoloft a day. I also make sure that I'm getting enough sleep as possible and I'm talking to my SO about my mood.

I'm having a tough time with my medication dosages. I talked to my OB about my mood at my appointment this week, and she wanted to bump me up to a 100 mg dose. I took that dose 1 day and was so jittery. I think it's too high a dose for me, but 50 mg doesn't seem high enough.

I got the dreaded first day back at work done and over with. Now I feel better about returning to work. Also, DS1 started school this week and DS2 will start pre-K on Tuesday. It always seems to help my mood to get back into a routine.

JellyTwoPointO · August 2013

My mood has been up and down but with a lot of down. Ok actually it's been really shitty. DH and I are going through a rough patch. He's admitted he's struggling with the adjustment of being a dad and its really straining us. But I'm working through it.

I'm not on meds because I opted out since I'm BFing but I do have my placenta pills and I've started to take them again on a particularly rough day. They do make a difference for me so that's good.

lrichmond86 · August 2013

Idk if this is the right place for me to post because my anxiety existed long before my pregnancy, but it's definitely intensified since having dd.

My mood has been all over the place in part because I got my second pp period and in part because dh and I are having a tough time. He's making a lot of healthy lifestyle changes, which I'm thrilled for him about, but he's like an entirely different person and I'm having a hard time adjusting to that. Also, I went back to school this week and I've been a basket case every time I leave dd at home.

My anxiety has gotten really bad. In the past it was always social or general anxiety. I worked really hard for a really long time to fight against it and I was feeling so good about that. Now it's back with a vengeance and it feels a little more like OCD. I've become obsessed about the food I eat being bad and giving me a food born illness, our worse, one I could pass to dd through bm. I'm so worried about it that I've thrown out meats I'd bought the day before and dumped an entire bag of pumped bm because it "might" have been contaminated. I think about it pretty much every time I eat and sometimes for hours after. I've never had my anxiety present itself in this way and I'm clueless about how to deal with it. I've talked to dh about it but he really doesn't understand. I should make an appointment with my therapist but I've been putting it off.

pgermain11 · August 2013

Glad you started this as well. It's nice to know you're not alone when it comes to these kind of sensitive matters.

My mood this week has been everywhere. I'm happy, sad, anxious, angry, ashamed, yet I'm so grateful, content, and in love. I've been so snappy with my DH. I'm just everywhere and I can't handle it all very well.

My OB wants to see me Tuesday and hopefully she will give me a good recommendation for a counselor. I have a history of major depression and was on Lexapro for almost a year while in college. I think the most effective form of tx is prescription + talk therapy. I'm going to try talk therapy first before considering medication.

I've particularly been struggling with my DH. I feel like I resent him for being a man. I'm pulling away from him but need him at the same time. Sometimes I love him so much and other times I feel like I hate him. I told him this last night and it was all just a big bomb the past 24 hours.

On a good note, my baby sleeps well at night so I get some rest, although mentally last night that wasn't happening.

Hugs to everyone out here.

EMF70 · August 2013

I've been off the Board for a while dealing with real life issues.

I'm currently on a few meds and have weekly counseling. I'm struggling with not feeling like a mom and feeling more like a frustrated babysitter. I'm a SAHM, not by choice, so the fact that I'm even home is something I'm having to address. Add to that the fact that my daughter has been having screaming fits between midnight and 2:30 AM every night. I'm at my wits end. I have not been enjoying this whole motherhood thing and for that I feel very guilty.

valstulas said:

Looking through all the threads today, it seems like a lot of us are dealing with this. How about a check in? How has your mood been this week? Are you on meds? Supplements? Going to counseling? What's something you've been struggling with this week? Anything good that you'd like to mention?

KatetheGreat79 · August 2013

I love that there is a check in! My mood has been pretty good this week. I've noticed that my anxiety is way better in the mornings which is when it was the worst. I still have moments when the anxiousness comes back, but they do feel more manageable. I feel like the 50mg of Zoloft I've been taking is the main reason I feel better. I also have an appointment with my old therapist for this coming Tuesday. She isn't a PPD specialist, but she helped me a ton with depression and anxiety before the baby, so I feel optimistic.

I do sometimes feel sad and guilty that I didn't really enjoy the first weeks of my baby's life. It's time I'll never get back, but I'm just trying to leave the past in the past and look ahead.

Hugs to all of you ladies. Mental health issues can be so difficult, but I feel like there are so many options out there for all of us to heal.

KatetheGreat79 · August 2013

lrichmond86 said:

My anxiety has gotten really bad. In the past it was always social or general anxiety. I worked really hard for a really long time to fight against it and I was feeling so good about that. Now it's back with a vengeance and it feels a little more like OCD. I've become obsessed about the food I eat being bad and giving me a food born illness, our worse, one I could pass to dd through bm. I'm so worried about it that I've thrown out meats I'd bought the day before and dumped an entire bag of pumped bm because it "might" have been contaminated. I think about it pretty much every time I eat and sometimes for hours after. I've never had my anxiety present itself in this way and I'm clueless about how to deal with it. I've talked to dh about it but he really doesn't understand. I should make an appointment with my therapist but I've been putting it off.

I say don't put it off any longer. These types of thoughts are really good to work out in therapy. My therapist helped me a lot with similar obsessive thinking patterns.

chiboo9 · August 2013

Thank you for this post. It's relieving to know that this is common and there are others going through the same thing.

My mood this week has basically been a roller coaster of up and down emotions. It's so exhausting. DH has never seen me cry so much these last 7 weeks. Actually, he's never seen me cry up until LO arrived. It's been really tough, but so grateful for a very supportive and understanding DH.

I'm currently not on any medication but I'm taking some natural remedies for the anxiety. I started taking multivitamins (heavy on Vitamin C and

, Omega-3, 5HTP, and L-Theanine. I also take a natural supplement at night to calm my nerves and help me sleep a little better. It contains Valerian, Hops, and Passionflower. I feel like they've been helpful with keeping me calm and collected. I also saw a counselor last Monday. It was therapeutic to let it all out. I see her again next week, and will probably continue to see her weekly until I go back to work in 5 weeks.

I've mainly been struggling with severe anxiety over LO. I've never dealt with anxiety before so it's been really rough. I'm up all night with anxiety/panic attacks, with thoughts just spiraling out of control. The fears change daily but lately, it's been about daycare and how I fear LO won't get the proper amount of sleep or rest at daycare and she'll end up with sleeping problems. I've also become a bit obsessed with trying to keep her on a 'schedule', which I know is ridiculous for a 7 week baby. I just can't seem to help it. I feel like its self inflicted anxiety. Sigh.

valstulas · August 2013

Thank you, everyone who has shared so far. It's okay if you rant/vent/write a novel. That's what this check-in is for. Also, you are still welcome to post even if your depression and anxiety in not postpartum-related.

I'm happy for those of you who are feeling well. For those of you who are struggling, you are in my thoughts. I hope you find a little peace soon!

kathleen02 · August 2013

I've been dealing with PPA almost since I had LO. I had a great labor and birth experience too so I don't know why I have it this time compared to last but it is what it is.
I went on Zoloft a week after I had my son and I have increased the dose two times. So I have had my ups and downs but I can tell that the medicine does work which is good.
I've been dealing with a chronic sore throat off and on since I been pregnant and it has got worse again since I delivered. Trying to get answers but it's been a challenge. Supposedly I had strep but I was never told until now? I don't know but I am trying to figure it out.
My baby has been pretty easy compared to my first so I feel lucky I don't have the additional stress of a colicky baby. He's a pretty easy going little guy.

aehamilton13 · August 2013

I've been feeling very alone this week. It's funny because my DH works from home, so I'm actually never really alone, but I feel like I am. Hunter is such an easy baby, too, so I have lots of time to get things done, etc. I just feel very alone and guilty for not working right now.

My Mum's been coming to visit lots, which has helped, and I try to have something "to do" every day. Today, for example, we went to the mall and got my watch battery replaced. Not very exciting, but it got us out.

I'm still struggling with hating breastfeeding. It's getting better, but I still don't enjoy it. I hate feeling naked and exposed all the time. I get really anxious and just feel horrible.

I'm planning to ask my doctor for a referral to our hospital's Reproductive Mental Health Clinic at our appointment on Tuesday. I think that will help me work some of these feelings out with a counsellor.

emmanemm · August 2013

My mood had been way bad this week. I haven't been doing much, I haven't been eating at all, I don't feel like doing anything but staying in bed. I attribute this to the fact that pretty much every other day I forget to take my medicine. I'm just ready to get past this point in my life, but I feel this impending doom. I have always struggled with depression and it will never go away. I hate that this is my life. I want more than anything to be happy the majority of the time instead of bleh.

I am taking 20mg. of prozac every day.

This week my ADHD has really been bugging the fluck out of me. I don't know if it has anything to do with my PPD, but all week I have been forgetting things and I haven't been able to focus on anything. DH had a 10 minute conversation with me last night and when he walked away I had no idea what the hell he said. It's friggin aggravating.

I'm putting an alarm on my phone to go off everyday and remind me to take my meds, hopefully next week is better. HUGS to all the other ladies on this post that are struggling!

emmanemm · August 2013

lwrightenator said:

It's not PPD or PPA, but I have ADHD and had to get off my meds early in pregnancy. The combination of ADHD and pregnancy brain was a killer. I'm dangerous behind the wheel off meds so DH basically had to drive me everywhere for 9 months! Now that baby is on the outside, I am finally able to resume taking my meds (although a different med that has much less secretion into breastmilk and at a much lower dose than before). I'm so excited that I get my brain back, unscrambled! And I will be able to drive again! Sorry to hijack your post, but I figure that it was sort of related...

I posted and didn't even see your post! Was it hard to get back on your meds? I have been struggling so much but when I was first put on my ADHD meds(a year ago) we went through hell trying to find the correct dosage for me. My dose was either too high(I was organizing sock drawers and color coordinating our closets) or it was too low(I fell asleep after taking it). I've been struggling with my ADHD this week and DH suggested I talk to my doc about getting back on my meds(not b/f'ing) but I'm kind of nervous. I don't want to go through the trial and error process again while dealing with PPD and a LO.

emmanemm · August 2013

I feel like a flucking ditz for not even considering a non-stimulant ADHD med. Thanks for the tip! I have an appointment with my doc this week and I will discuss this with her and see how she feels about welbutrin.

Also, forgot to mention congrats! You must feel like a new woman now that your brain is unscrambled. I'm glad your meds are working positively for you!

eggymaye · August 2013

My mood this week has been really low. My DD has a congenital heart murmur and she is going to need a catheterization to fix it. If that doesn't work then she will have to have surgery. My doctor has upped my Zoloft from 50 to 100 mg because I started having panic attacks again. I don't leave my house unless I necessarily have to and my poor DS suffers for it.

The good things though are how DD can now lift her head and it melts my heart how tender DS is with her.

MagickalNarwhal · August 2013

I have just started dealing with a lot of feelings and I'm glad. I don't technically have ppd because I didn't give birth, but this entire adoption process was a horrible shit show for so many reasons and it's really affecting my ability to feel connected to this baby.

We never wanted another newborn. We fought with our agency (who did awesome things like threaten that our older son could be taken if we didn't "watch our step" (not true in any way), and hammer into us that this adoption had an 80% chance of falling through at birth). There were really hard heavy conversations that we had to have with the birth parents, so much so that 48 hours before she was born we were talking about backing out of the adoption because we didn't feel comfortable with some stuff (it seemed like one really wanted to actually parent). ftr this adoption was very much a surprise and not something we sought out - our sons birth mom got pregnant again - with an IUD in place! - so it was a very different scenario than the adoption of our son.

And then there is just the incredibly hard process of adjusting to 2 (my son was 16 mo when she was born. I am really enjoying him now and it's very very hard for me to have my energy diverted for her needs. (did I mention I hate the newborn stage?) I dream about fast forwarding 9 months (when my son got awesome).

This week has been good because I'm finally being honest w people and reaching out for help. I've gone to 2 baby blues groups. It's really nice to not have to "fake it" you know?

cuterusaurus · August 2013

valstulas said:

Looking through all the threads today, it seems like a lot of us are dealing with this. How about a check in?

I think this is a great idea. Thanks for starting it.

How has your mood been this week?
Decent actually! I'm kind of excited about it.

Are you on meds?
Zoloft. I really think it's helping.

Going to counseling?
I quit last week. I felt that I was doing well, and that going to counseling just kept bringing it back to the front of my mind. Urrrrgh.

What's something you've been struggling with this week?
The same thing - not being able to have another pregnancy.

Anything good that you'd like to mention?
This was my first week alone with Isaac while daddy went back to work. I feel like I did relatively well!

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