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Separate school conferences?

agibbyagibby member
in Blended Families

So SS had his "meet the teacher" for kindergarten this week and they have parents sign up for fall and spring conference right then and there. BM and DH get along ok, well, I mean there's no screaming matches in public and they are cordial. THey go to sign up for conferences and BM insists she wants separate conferences. Is that normal? I just don't see the point in 1) making teacher do double the work 2) who gets the packet of  "here's what your kid did this year" and 3) how is that doing any good for SS? I think conferences is the perfect time to be able to say to each other and the teacher, hey, here's what i see is going on in the class. What do you see going on at home? Then each parent can talk about how SS is doing at home, with homework, etc.

Just don't get it.

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Re: Separate school conferences?

  • ambrvanambrvan member
    It does happen a lot. For some families, there is more "show" put on if both parents are present which definitely leads to a lot of potential issues not being properly addressed, but by the same token if separate conferences are held, there is plenty of room for he said she said. However, both parents have from to speak more freely with separate conferences, so the teacher may be able to cut through the bull better.

    There are pros and cons to having meetings together or separate, but if she requested that then you can make the teacher aware that you are ok with together or separate, and the teacher will work with everyone as best as possible.

    Maybe a little passive aggressive, but I would want the teacher to know I was flexible so that if she gets annoyed at setting up two different meetings she isn't mad at me. ;)
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  • new+tothisnew+tothis member
    Ditto. I would let the teacher know you are flexible. I'd probably also ask BM why she wants separate conferences. BD and I get along decently but have very minimal communication. We've only had one parent teacher conference for preschool but it was really great that we were both there together. We were able to compare things in a way we can't seem to do otherwise. We found some similarities and some differences in how DS acts in our different houses. We split the packet of work they had collected. I took the formal paperwork like grades and teachers notes home with me since I have a copier and made copies for BD. As long as they can be cordial I would try to do a single conference together.
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  • agibbyagibby member

    Thanks for the advice! DH emailed the teacher to let him know he was flexible and to ask about the packet of school info and how that would work. We can't count on BM to give DH anything and don't want to miss out on seeing the work SS did this year.

     

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  • CFjo2010CFjo2010 member
    DH and BM have separate conferences. It works better for us personally. BM spends the bulk of her conference bitching and moaning about us and fabricating issues for K. She leaves the conference with very little info about K's progress or goals. When we go for OUR conference, we are able to discuss only K and K's progress. There's no way we would be able to sit there and listen to BM's crap for 30 minutes.
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  • SimpleJaneSimpleJane member
    We do it together. If there are any issues we talk about how to fix them together. We work well together though, so there's that.
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  • +just+j++just+j+ member

    OMG, I can't believe how ridiculous some of the parents are! I would hope XH and I can go together, set aside any differences for 15-30 minutes and both be mature about it for DD's sake without making it out to be about us.

    Teachers don't get paid enough for this crap.

    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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  • new+tothisnew+tothis member
    +just+j+ said:

    OMG, I can't believe how ridiculous some of the parents are! I would hope XH and I can go together, set aside any differences for 15-30 minutes and both be mature about it for DD's sake without making it out to be about us.

    Teachers don't get paid enough for this crap.


    I was just thinking the same thing. 
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  • sabrina69barnessabrina69barnes member
    Both DS's and SK's school have the policy that they will only do one conference per child unless there is a restraining order between the parents. DH and I live 2.5 hrs away from SK's school so usually BM attends in person and puts DH on speaker phone so he can be included without having to drive 5hrs for a 15min conference.
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  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    Yeah I cannot imagine telling a teacher that I need a separate conference and they need to work even more on conference day and have to get involved in my crap. If half of all kids are in BFs that is a lot of extra conference time.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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  • Lavender PLavender P member
    SS is going into 5th grade and DH an BM have always had conferences together. It has been helpful for DH because he can actually find out the truth without BM being able to lie. It wasn't until the parent teacher conference last year that we found out SS was losing points for homework assignments because BM was 'too busy' to sign his assignment book. She tied to make it DH's fault saying he was an uninvolved father (as she always tells anyone who will listen) but the teacher called her out and said that if SS lives with her during the week, it is her job to make sure it was complete. It helped to end the finger pointing by having them together.
    "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." ~ Lao Tzu
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  • flippy1234flippy1234
    Totally unfair to the teacher to request seperate conferences.
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