Tired people becoming moms?

flutemegan · August 2013

Hello ladies,

I am new to the forum. I never post on forums but I feel this is a really important topic that I need some advice on!

I'm getting married soon (November). I'm 26 years old and I have my career in a great place, with 100% medical coverage and job security, doing what I love. So I feel like my ducks are mostly all in a row.

Now, I have always wanted to be a mother. I really want a baby within the first year of marriage, and so does fiancé. I am nervous about one thing, though. I'm tired a lot. I need like 9 hours of sleep plus a nap just to feel alert and not cranky. I get so forgetful and clumsy and whiny when I don't get enough sleep. How in the world am I going to be able to be a mom?!?! Everyone keeps warning me "just you wait, you have no idea" I'm frankly sick of hearing about everyone's opinions of how LONG I should wait to start trying, but what I really want to know is- were any of you this way before becoming a mom, and did it get any better, or do you think you've had a really tough time adjusting? And how did you adjust?

My thought is- having a baby is worth all the trouble and I will have a rewarding reason to sleep less. But I know I could get burnt out of that thought process pretty quickly...

Thank you so much!!

Ps. Pretty sure nothing is medically wrong. I've had just about every test you can imagine and my diet is good and I exercise regularly (have to for my job), plus I take vitamins. I've just been a sleepy person since the day I was born.

MrsH1027 · August 2013

Hi! I can't give you any advice as I myself have not started TTC yet, but I am very interested in what everyone has to say! I am one of those people who definitely needs my sleep! I work full time and have a long commute. Always feel like there should be many more hours in the day! Good luck!

flutemegan · August 2013

Thanks MrsH, good to know atleast I'm not alone!

Everyusernameistaken · August 2013

It's amazing what you can get through when you need to. I, like you, have always been tired, needed a lot of sleep, etc. I have a 14 month old and now I'm just MORE tired. I've just resigned myself to the fact that I'll be tired for the next 18 years, haha. So not much to say but that it's doable, you will rise to the occasion and it may not always be fun but it will be so, so worth it

gogadgetgo · August 2013

You adjust. There's the soul sucking tiredness of having a newborn or a teething kiddo. And then there's the day to day I'm exahusted but I'll survive. Coffee is your friend and trading off with your partner for naps on the weekend.

I miss sleeping in and sleeping straight through the night but the trade offs are pretty great.

bancbev · August 2013

You just do what you have to do. I use to need 9+ hours of sleep. I still need it, but I don't get it. We have all lived.

amberhoothoot · August 2013

I used to LOVE sleeping in till noon on weekends, and going to bed early. And yeah, newborns are exhausting. But pregnancy kind of gears you up for that too. The kid might be inutero but he still woke me up all night playing, kicking, punching and rolling around in there. I was already used to not getting a full nights sleep by the time he was born. The good news is, at some point they sleep a LOONG time at night. For DS it wasn't until he was 15 months, but now he sleeps for at least 10 hours at night, which means you can too if you're not too distracted by bumping and TV anyway.

It's definitely worth it though

Even middle of the night feedings. 4/5 feedings I was just so happy to be feeding and cuddling that I didn't mind being tired. I actually went cross eyed quite a few times because I started at his little face too much. Couldn't help it. He was adorable.

flutemegan · August 2013

Thank you guys so much. Everyone is pretty much saying the same thing. This was my only concern that was making me think twice about if I would be the best mom I can be, but I'm going to stop worrying and just make the choice to ttc whenever we feel like the time is right. Thank you

pmarie33 · August 2013

When you are pg, you will not get 9 hours of constant sleep. You will have to get up every few hours to pee. You adjust.

frootyloops · August 2013

I read the title at least 4 times as "tired of people becoming moms" .... i thought the post was going to be all her friends are becoming moms and she doesnt want to yet, lol - oops

OP - I need a solid 9 hours a night... If I stay up past 1030 (I get up at 7 for work), I feel like craaaaap the whole day, and I get headaches.

I did make it through one newborn stage, and two waking toddler stages... and survived! Sometimes you just gotta check yourself and make sure you dont take things out on people that do not deserve it

PunkyBooster · August 2013

You definitely adjust. Plus if you have family ask your mom or mil to help out so you can rest between feelings in those early weeks.

I remember being in this state of euphoria those early weeks. I wasn't hit by how tired I was til around week 6!

But like I said, you adjust. I need9 hrs a night too and ds woke up 2 x a night til 1 year! I was ok though. The body is capable of adjusting to lots of situations.

flutemegan · August 2013

Frootyloops- lol! Sorry, I knew that was a strange title but didnt know what else to say.

PunkyBooster- unfortunately all family lives in FL while we live in NY. No one but friends to help...I fear I will be alone a lot because my fiancé works 50+ hours a week. Yikes. That does seem like a lot when you write it down. Luckily I work a variety of odd hours which generally gives me a lot of free time.

ks3pink · August 2013

You adjust. Believe me I was just like you and now have twin boys and a 7 yo DD. None of my kids sleep well so I don't get much sleep. You just learn to cope. I have days where I just have to have a break and then I ask for help. I asked my mom to come over today so I could run am errand without the kids. I really wanted a nap but needed to run to Walmart. I was so tired I could barely think. I honestly felt like I was in a complete daze and about to fall over. A little caffeine and I got my second rind and came home and cleaned the house. Now I'm doing work I brought home while they sleep. It never ends but its totally worth it. GL!

MrsLillyG · September 2013

Hi! I am just wondering how many hours of sleep did you guys get when you had a newborn?

Everyusernameistaken · September 2013

MrsLillyG said:
Hi! I am just wondering how many hours of sleep did you guys get when you had a newborn?

For the first few weeks, my guy would sleep for 2 hours then nurse for an hour ( he was a slow eater!). So between say 9pm and 6am I'd get about 7 hours, just very disrupted and broken up, so I never really felt refreshed. My H also took baby for changes, if he was fussy etc so I was only doing feedings. I also *tried* to nap during the day when I could. Its hard but it gets easier and easier...the first time he slept 4 hours straight was heaven

violajack · September 2013

Add me to the "you do what you have to" bandwagon. I LOVE sleep. I would get sick if I didn't get enough sleep. The lack of sleep was the number thing I was most worried about before ttc. Then I had a baby and magically stopped getting sick on less sleep. My metabolism was in overdrive for the first three months due to post-partum hormones (I was normally always cold too, but during those three months I was a hot box). You'll be amazed at what you can do when you have to and that tiny person totally makes the have to worth it.

FWIW, I got plenty of sleep when DS was a newborn, it was just interrupted. I would be in bed for at least 8-10 hours overnight, but would have to get up every few hours or so to change and feed. I just got up, did what I had to do, and went back to sleep. Then he stopped pooping at night so we could leave him in an overnight diaper and skip the motn changes and we figured out side lying nursing and the interruptions got even shorter. He still (at 14 months) wakes nearly every 2 hours unless he's teething, then it's hourly, but it's not so bad. Too many teething days in a row make me a bit stabby, but then he'll go for 4-6 hours straight and I'll feel normal again.

amberhoothoot · September 2013

Well I doubt my memory of those days is reliable, but I'm thinking between nursing, pumping and feedings, I was getting about an hour and a half of rest (which is enough for one REM cycle) possibly 4ish times a day. Newborns days and nights are confused so yours will be too. After about 2 weeks DS was sleeping a bit more. I would got to bed with DS around 8pm and just do all the sleeping and feeding there. Then DH would take over around 5am so I could get a solid 3 hours. And so on and so forth. The napping and shift changes between me and DH. Around 8 weeks he started sleeping 4-6 hour stints. Around 6 months is was 6-8 hour stints. Around a year old, he was up to 10 hours (except teething weeks). At 15 months it was 12 hours.

All that being said. You will no longer care about sleeping the way you do right now. Bodies and minds can do amazing things on little sleep. Promise. And I wouldn't trade those hours of sleep for not having my adorable DS.

PunkyBooster · September 2013

Right... Ds was a good sleeper from the get go. He'd wake up about every 2 to 3 hours then by the time he was 4 months (when I went back to work) he was sleeping 9-3 then he's nurse and sleep until I came back in there, about 6 or 7.

Granted, this went on for 1 year which is not "the norm" but he started sleeping 12 hours at that point. Then when he turned 2 we had a period of about 3 months of some rough nights. Those were harder than the newborn stage. Probably bc he'd weaned himself by 2 and I couldn't just nurse him and snooze like I could before.

Nursing was a blessing for me because he would happily suckle himself right back to sleep and after a month I got pretty good at just popping him on!

MapleLeafMama · September 2013

MrsLillyG said:

Hi! I am just wondering how many hours of sleep did you guys get when you had a newborn?

Consecutively or all together? Because my answer will vary.

DS fed every 2-3 hours. And it took 30mins-1 hr to feed.

You learn to go through life on autopilot. And coffee. Coffee. Coffee.

ghostof5letters · September 2013

I'm chronically tired and have been since I was 13 or 15. It's been so long, I don't remember not being exhausted. My husband and I broke newborn childcare into shifts. I breastfed and pumped in order to allow myself the ability to sleep. You could formula feed under a similar schedule. Sleep is crucial to me, and we needed to find a way that worked for us.

After my morning feeding, I'd pump a bottle's worth of milk (usually an hour after feeding my newborn). This bottle would be saved for the evening.

Daytime feedings were normal. Sleep when the baby sleeps (ha!) blah blah blah

8:30ishpm I'd pump another bottle and go to bed. My husband would feed the 9pm bottle (around then) and the last bottle between 11p-12a. That way when the 2am feeding came around I already have 5 hours of sleep under my belt. Next feeding would be around 5, and then around 7 or 8 (eventually, this was the first feeding to be dropped and she'd sleep from 6-10ish).

My husband would go to bed at midnight and sleep until 7am.

Splitting it into shifts like this helped us both get our required sleep to be functioning human beings.

I still had caffeine during the day. Not nearly as much as I ingest now, but definitely some. Sleep is and always will be crucial to me, that never went away. I too, have been tested for everything under the sun. There have been some extremely sleepless nights, but they were short lived for us. It's amazing how quickly you forget all of this. My daughter is 2 now and it's all a blur.

ASmallWonder · September 2013

Ditto what everyone else has said but I'll add in, don't count on it but there's a chance you'll get a great sleeper

Both my kids slept all night with a max of one wake up since they were only a couple weeks old. I'm talking down at 8pm, up around 3 for 15 minutes and back down until 6.

laurakaz13 · September 2013

I was the same way pre-baby. I also have a demanding, rewarding career. I work out an hour a day, at least. I spend time with DH. I spend time with LO and get her to bed. It all works out.

I will say the first 6 months of LOs life may be a huge shock to you. They were to me. But my DD started sleeping 12 hours a night at 6 months and life slowly began to improve. It is worth it. It's not easy but it's worth it.

NicoleNielsen59 · September 2013

I am an absolute wreck when I don't sleep. We actually hired a night nanny for a month after DS was born. Expensive, but worth every penny.

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