I go by H's name so this doesnt exactly apply to me. However, I never changed my name with social security, but I changed my driver's license, credit cards and pretty much everything else. Pretty much the only time I use my maiden name is on tax returns (even though they are joint). In Louisiana you could legally use either name. Technically, H could use my name too (Louisiana law is odd). Now that we've moved states I have to change my name with social security to get a new driver's license. I'm kind of sad to give that up.
Mine is hyphenated, and I never think anything of people calling me Mrs. O....., because we married and I am a misses. My DL is hyphenated, but I have yet to change my dental license or social security (2 years later...whoops!).
Re: S/o what to call people
Once DH was called Mr. (mylastname). It was funny.