thinking of downsizing so I can be a SAHM

NicoleNielsen59 · August 2013

So, I have an almost 5 year old son and 10 weeks with # 2. The thought of putting this one in daycare, going to work FT, and then coming home and taking care of 2 plus H plus the house makes me exhausted. I really want to stay home. H and I looked at our finances and the only way it will happen is to sell our house and move into a much smaller house/condo. Did anyone else have to make some big sacrifices so that they could stay home?

Hollylb3 · August 2013

We sold our house to pay off a large chunk of debt so I could SAH. I was ready to be done with the house anyways; it was too far out in the country. We're living in a duplex right now, but I'm happy as a clam and it's worth it to me. We'll buy again in a year or so when the time is right.

notkateanymore · August 2013

How much smaller? What do you live in now?

I would not sell a house I fit in to move to something much smaller just to SAH. Why doesn't your husband help out? You don't need to "take care of him and the house" all by yourself.

ordinary1 · August 2013

KateMW said:
How much smaller? What do you live in now?

I would not sell a house I fit in to move to something much smaller just to SAH. Why doesn't your husband help out? You don't need to "take care of him and the house" all by yourself.

I agree with all of this!

mrsrobinsontobe · August 2013

no way! i would feel like we were going backward, not forward. the only way i would stay home ft is if we were in a financial place to do so with no sacrifice made to take away from the life we worked hard to build together !!!

Minipenguin · August 2013

As a SAHM, you won't have more time to clean than you would if you put the baby in daycare. You'll have nap times to get stuff done but IME it's mostly just messes the baby makes because s/he is home and you wouldn't have to clean if they were out of the house all day.

And your husband should be helping out.

lightgetsin · August 2013

I would do it. If that was my option...either downsize or work I would definitely downsize. Your kids aren't going to care if they have to share a room but they will care that you stayed home with them.

notkateanymore · August 2013

tmsgrl said:

I would do it. If that was my option...either downsize or work I would definitely downsize. Your kids aren't going to care if they have to share a room but they will care that you stayed home with them.

For the most part, they probably aren't going to care you stayed home either. Hate to burst your bubble.

Mama-Bear · August 2013

Depends on your priorities. Nobody can answer this except for you and your H. I would downsize, but I don't see a house as something that you "move forward/move backwards" in, it's a place to rest your head. We have a nice size house now (2120 sqft, 3BR, 2.5BA, with 2 extra rooms being used as a playroom and dining room), our previous house was 864 sqft, 2BR, 1BA. I was perfectly happy there and could've stayed there much longer but the kids room was 9x11 and there's no way we could've fit 3 children. If your goal isn't a bigger/nicer house in the end and your DH is on board then I'd move without a 2nd thought.

Stefibeth · August 2013

I think it depends on the situation. If you can downsize and be comfortable and happy in a smaller house I don't see a problem with it (assuming other things align with the SAH thing as well). We didn't downsize, but we did buy a house while we were dual income that we knew we could afford only on MH's salary because we wanted the option of me staying home once we had kids. We could have afforded a lot larger house if we had planned on paying for it with two incomes. We don't regret the decision we made, for sure.

I guess I don't see downsizing as "taking a step back". It's not a negative thing if you've decided that a smaller house/smaller mortgage is what's best for your family right now. You don't always have to keep getting bigger/more expensive things in order to be moving forward in life, KWIM?

Just make sure that you're not severely compromising on your housing in order to afford being able to SAH. I think that could easily lead to problems because then you'll just end up missing what you had. But if you can comfortably downsize and both you and your H are on board? Go for it.

PipSqueak0313 · August 2013

We are having to sell one of our cars to afford for me to sah and I am looking at working pt when dh is home. We did the math the cost of me working was only a few hundred dollars less than the amount I would be paid after taxes and with me needing to be off so often for ds2's therapies and dr appt it is proving hard to find a ft job.

Downsizing the house to make house cleaning easier makes sense only if you sell or donate a ton of stuff instead of trying to move it into a smaller space. I also remember living overseas. Our family was renting a small 3 bedroom apartment that took me all of 2 or 3 hours to clean while our friends were renting a 3 bedroom house with the same sized family and kids roughly the same ages and it would take our friend all day to clean it. To me larger house equals larger messes equals more to clean.....so not worth it to me.

bumpuser8448316 · August 2013

We downsized in order to make SAH happen for us. It was the one place we were willing to sacrifice (so we could still maintain an enjoyable social life, savings, investments, retirements etc). We don't own though, we went from renting a SFH to a r condo. We went from 1,500 sq ft to 1,100. It made sense for us for many reasons not just being able to SAH. We wanted the downsize to be temporary though and we're right on track as we'll be moving back to a house (renting) at the end of our lease.

jensriot · August 2013

We didn't really downsize, but moved to a different area to reduce costs. We also got rid of our expensive cars for more reasonable car payments. Between the house, cars, taxes and insurance, we saved a good chunk of change. We did not go smaller and we used the proceeds from the house for the new down payment and to pay off all credit cards (we didn't have much anyway). We looked into smaller homes in our old area and seriously never would have been happy with that. We also would not have moved if the schools were a step down. Just something else to consider. I don't think we sacrificed much, sure I'm more frugal now, but I still vacation, have savings, etc.

FWIW my house was way cleaner when we both worked and DD was in daycare.

lightgetsin · August 2013

KateMW said:

tmsgrl said:

I would do it. If that was my option...either downsize or work I would definitely downsize. Your kids aren't going to care if they have to share a room but they will care that you stayed home with them.

For the most part, they probably aren't going to care you stayed home either. Hate to burst your bubble. </blockquote

No bubble to burst. As a SAHM, I have a huge appreciation that my mother did the same for me.

lightgetsin · August 2013

I think the sharing a room thing is a non issue. Do you really think your kids would resent sharing a room? Like in the grand scheme of their lives, would this negatively affect them? I have never heard of such a thing. I actually usually hear the opposite.

kcisthebombdotcom · August 2013

tmsgrl said:

I think the sharing a room thing is a non issue. Do you really think your kids would resent sharing a room? Like in the grand scheme of their lives, would this negatively affect them? I have never heard of such a thing. I actually usually hear the opposite.

I absolutely think its a negative thing to make a 5.5 year old kid share a room with her newborn brother. I think the only time room sharing really works long term is if the kids are close in age and same sex. My kids currently share a room now by choice, but the day one of them shows interest in having their own space well honor that wish.

Mrs.Hizzo · August 2013

tmsgrl said:

I think the sharing a room thing is a non issue. Do you really think your kids would resent sharing a room? Like in the grand scheme of their lives, would this negatively affect them? I have never heard of such a thing. I actually usually hear the opposite.

Depends on the circumstances. My kids are 18 months apart, both boys, and I'm quite sure that they would adore a shared room (although they don't have one). Five and a half years? Not so much.

CavColby1 · August 2013

I say yes... because we are doing the exact same... My salary won't support 2 or 3 kids in daycare anyway.

dizzycooks · August 2013

Our house was an upgrade, but we still ended up with only two bedrooms upstairs and will hopefully eventually have three kids in there. However, a two car garage, large driveway, large fenced yard and great neighborhood made the trade off totally worth it. Quality of life is better here and our mortgage is actually smaller. I think you just need to decide what is really important, for us, the space needed to be in the right places and we sacrificed bedrooms while they're young.

mrsrobinsontobe · August 2013

i guess i would consider moving to be a major life change...and an expensive one at that! i wouldn't disrupt everyone just so i could stay home. and square footage is huge, as you will see with 2! we own a 1000sf condo right on the beach that we lived in with just our daughter. we bought our 1600 sf home and thought, "what are we ever going to do with all this space?!" now the kids are 5 and 7...and we're building/adding on! it's crazy how much stuff you accumulate over time!

JayandEmm · August 2013

When we bought our house, we sacrificed size so I could SAH later, even though I was working at the time. We could have bought a much bigger home, but we settled on a 1000 sq ft 2 bdr home so I could SAH. We're one and done, so we really didn't need much space anyways.

vlagrl29 · August 2013

I would downsize if we had to. although i would still want us to be able to contribute to retirement, have a vacation once a year, and a savings. Those things I have to have. No way would I want to work full time and take care of 2 kids. I know I would have to have a house cleaning service if I did.

mrsrobinsontobe · August 2013

That's the thing...we are crazy organized! we have to be with 2 kids. Our house is a 1950s cape, with lots of unusable space! I just like to have lots of open space and a room for everything. (laundry room, craft room, etc) If i didn't love our location and our school system so much, we would build the perfect house to fit our family. You really think that 1600 sf is good sized for a family of 4? I see people on here with 3000+ and I'm so jealous. That would cost $1mil+ where we live!

mrsmichigander · August 2013

Read Dr. Laura's IN PRAISE OF STAY AT HOME MOMS or Google her SAHM blog posts. The impact you'll have on your baby far exceeds the alternative. You have to decide what's most important for your family. If it's SAH then you need to be diligent to make thathappen. Pray for God to give you clarity to make such a decision because you want to be in cohesion with your hubby to be successful.

bumpuser8448316 · August 2013

mrsmichigander said:

Read Dr. Laura's IN PRAISE OF STAY AT HOME MOMS or Google her SAHM blog posts. The impact you'll have on your baby far exceeds the alternative. You have to decide what's most important for your family. If it's SAH then you need to be diligent to make thathappen. Pray for God to give you clarity to make such a decision because you want to be in cohesion with your hubby to be successful.

What's most important for your child is financial stability.

rockyrollgirl · August 2013

mrsmichigander said:

Read Dr. Laura's IN PRAISE OF STAY AT HOME MOMS or Google her SAHM blog posts. The impact you'll have on your baby far exceeds the alternative. You have to decide what's most important for your family. If it's SAH then you need to be diligent to make thathappen. Pray for God to give you clarity to make such a decision because you want to be in cohesion with your hubby to be successful.

8-|

vlagrl29 · August 2013

mrsrobinsontobe said:

That's the thing...we are crazy organized! we have to be with 2 kids. Our house is a 1950s cape, with lots of unusable space! I just like to have lots of open space and a room for everything. (laundry room, craft room, etc) If i didn't love our location and our school system so much, we would build the perfect house to fit our family. You really think that 1600 sf is good sized for a family of 4? I see people on here with 3000+ and I'm so jealous. That would cost $1mil+ where we live!

we have 1700 sq ft and it's plenty big for us. I can't imagine bigger right now, just more to clean. One day I could definately see us buying a bigger home (mini mansion). I have been in a few of those and they are just so pretty. So much hardwood floors and granite shower with multiple shower heads. Those houses cost $400,000-ish here.

vlagrl29 · August 2013

auroraloo said:

mrsrobinsontobe said:

That's the thing...we are crazy organized! we have to be with 2 kids. Our house is a 1950s cape, with lots of unusable space! I just like to have lots of open space and a room for everything. (laundry room, craft room, etc) If i didn't love our location and our school system so much, we would build the perfect house to fit our family. You really think that 1600 sf is good sized for a family of 4? I see people on here with 3000+ and I'm so jealous. That would cost $1mil+ where we live!

we have 1700 sq ft and it's plenty big for us. I can't imagine bigger right now, just more to clean. One day I could definately see us buying a bigger home (mini mansion). I have been in a few of those and they are just so pretty. So much hardwood floors and granite shower with multiple shower heads. Those houses cost $400,000-ish here.
we have 1300 and I think we could downsiZe.

we could totally downsize too if we had to but we don't. when i was a kid, my mom and dad and myself lived in a 2 bedroom and 1 bathroom home. the 1 bathroom kinda sucked but we were fine with it and at the age of 8 my parents upgraded. If staying at home is really important to you, you can do it. It's very important to me.

blondegirl22 · August 2013

My brother is 5.5 years older than I and we shared a room until I was 3.. We both turned out ok.

Minipenguin · August 2013

Now I have to Google Dr. Laura. Also, using God as a reason to be selfish is pretty crappy. God doesn't care if you sah or work.

blushingbride_08 · September 2013

We are currently renting but downsizing to buy a house. It is more cost effective for us to buy vs rent. If I already owned a house and needed to downsize to a smaller house to have more time with my LO I'd do it in a heartbeat. Depending on where you live maybe you can sell your house, buy a multifamily house and rent out a unit to help pay your mortgage?

penguingrrl · September 2013

mrsmichigander said:

Read Dr. Laura's IN PRAISE OF STAY AT HOME MOMS or Google her SAHM blog posts. The impact you'll have on your baby far exceeds the alternative. You have to decide what's most important for your family. If it's SAH then you need to be diligent to make thathappen. Pray for God to give you clarity to make such a decision because you want to be in cohesion with your hubby to be successful.

Dr. Laura is hardly an expert in, well, anything. I've always thought she was kind of a joke.

Downsizing to SAH can be feasible if that's what works for you and your family. It depends on what you're currently in and what you're talking about downsizing to. My family is currently in a 1,000 SF house and quite comfortable. We're not used to a lot of space as we upgraded last year from a city apartment. We will eventually outgrow this house, but not for several years and we aren't likely to move to anything bigger than 1500-1700 square feet. That's plenty of space for 5 people. More would mean higher taxes and more to clean.

penguingrrl · September 2013

LalaMama81 said:

That's the thing...we are crazy organized! we have to be with 2 kids. Our house is a 1950s cape, with lots of unusable space! I just like to have lots of open space and a room for everything. (laundry room, craft room, etc) If i didn't love our location and our school system so much, we would build the perfect house to fit our family. You really think that 1600 sf is good sized for a family of 4? I see people on here with 3000+ and I'm so jealous. That would cost $1mil+ where we live!
I think it's a perfectly fine size. We have 1450, 3 bedrooms and are having a third. We're not moving. Sonetimes I'd like more space and we do have plans to finish our attic if we stay here, but if we were unable to, it would be fine. It's kind of an American thing to have giant, unnecessary houses. You couldn't pay me to live in any kind of new construction McMansion.

I feel the same way. The biggest I ever want to go is maybe 2,000 SF and that would be a Victorian if my dreams come true. I won't buy anything built after 1950 unless it's high end custom construction. SIL closed on a McMansion this spring and has had so many problems due to shoddy construction. The shower pan was in wrong in the master bath. It caused serious leaking and a deluge in the dining room. After several other fixes didn't work (recalking, redoing tile) the company finally figured out it was the shower pan (which my mother, who is an architect, said was wrong the minute I mentioned what was going on, but SIL won't listen to anyone). That finally got fixed, ceiling got fixed and two weeks later there was leaking in the family room under the other full bath. They redid the calking, still leaking. They aren't positive yet what's wrong with it, but several nails are rusty, which means it's been leaking for a while and they are likely to develop mold. You couldn't pay me to take her house.

bumpuser8448316 · September 2013

Add me to the never living in a McMansion train. We're drawn to smaller spaces and I feel like if we had a really big house we would just fill it with stuff. I hate clutter and stuff.

Linnea503 · September 2013

I would downsize to SAH if I had to, as long as I could continue to save for retirement and college a smaller house would be worth it for all the extra time with my kids. That said, I live in a HCOL city and my house is smallish (1200 as ft) anyway.

Want a personalized experience?

thinking of downsizing so I can be a SAHM

Re: thinking of downsizing so I can be a SAHM

Choose Another Board

Search Boards