If the parents are not married, which last name does baby usually get?

JuliaH21 · August 2013

There is some drama going on in our church right now over this. A young couple (I think they just graduated high school in May) got pregnant and the mother just gave birth (a few weeks early). Almost exactly a week before, the father broke up/broke off an apparent engagement with the mother. The father's family has apparently been really rude to the mom through the whole labor and delivery (which I can believe based on what they've been saying/complaining about). Well, apparently they are furious the mother did not name this baby Joseph ____ the 5th and used her own last name rather than his. Now I'm thinking "Uh, why in the world would she?" but I also always thought if they parents were not married, and especially if they weren't even dating, that the baby had the mother's last name, but some people seem to think it's obvious the baby should have the father's name. So, what's the usual way it goes?

sugarland726 · August 2013

Depends on the state and depends on the relationship. A family at daycare had a daughter out of wedlock. The child received the father's last name. They subsequently got married and gave their next child the father's last name too (which the mother had taken). My nephew has his mother's last name as there is no relationship with the father. I would do the same as that girl at your church did in her situation. There is no right or wrong answer.

HeartOverMind · August 2013

If I was in that situation, my baby would have my last name. But I don't really know what the protocol is for a situation like that.

OSUWifey09 · August 2013

DS was born when H and I were engaged. He got his father's last name - the hospital sat down with us and gave us the choice when we were filling out the paperwork. In the girl from your church's situation, though, I would've done what she had done if I was in the same shoes.

Rushley · August 2013

This is a sensitive subject. I would stand my ground and give my child my last name. If the mother decides to change her last name in the future, she can also change her son's.

When my husband and I had our baby girl we weren't married yet and it makes it difficult when your child has a different last name than the mother.

pennstated912 · August 2013

I have friends that aren't married and have three children. All have taken the father's last name.

They are engaged though (have been for 2 and a half years and no date set) and she plans to take his last name when the wedding FINALLY happens.

HappyDoc · August 2013

I agree with sugarland726, I don't think there is a right or wrong answer, I think it is dependent on the situation. If the mother is going to be the primary caregiver to the child, and not have a future relationship (get married to) the father, I would think that she would give the child her last name.

lmills730 · August 2013

I definitely agree with what the girl in your church did in her situation. The baby would have had my last name too if I was going through that. I don't think there is any *right* answer, just depends on the circumstances.

moosebaby2011 · August 2013

I agree with Sugar. It really depends on the situation. One of my roommates in college had her first 2 children prior to marrying their dad. They were in a stable relationship, and so her daughters have their dad's last name. One of my stepcousins got pregnant when she was around 20 or so, and she gave her son her own last name with the idea that if things worked out between her and the dad that they could always legally change the baby's name later. It turns out that they broke up, and she has custody so it makes more sense for her son to have her last name.

twobluelines · August 2013

I knew two couples who were married and made the decision to give their daughters her last name and their sons his last name. My only opposition to this was that in the case of one couple her last name was Cock.shutt (which I think is a horrible last name for a girl). To each their own. My last name is my maiden name at work but I use my husbands last name socially to make him happy. I joke that I am like Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde. Our child will have my husbands last name though.

MeganWorden · August 2013

I know legally (at least in Oregon) For the baby to have the Father's last name (If it is different from the mother's) the father has to sign a paper claiming paternity.The mother could not legally give the baby his last name unless he was there to sign the paperwork. Its legally binding and it take a lot of work to get out of having to pay child support if the child ends up not being his (genetically).

Personally I totally agree with what she did. Good for her!

brideandbreve · August 2013

sugarland726 said:

Depends on the state and depends on the relationship. A family at daycare had a daughter out of wedlock. The child received the father's last name. They subsequently got married and gave their next child the father's last name too (which the mother had taken). My nephew has his mother's last name as there is no relationship with the father. I would do the same as that girl at your church did in her situation. There is no right or wrong answer.

I agree.

In this specific situation, I would have done the same thing this girl did. The mother is the gatekeeper to the child, so if you're expecting to treat me like crap and then have me bend over backwards to accommodate your family name or your traditions, you're wrong.

Ninjafarmerswife · August 2013

It sounds like almost everyone is in agreement that there isn't one right way to do it and that the situation dictates what makes sense. If I was that girl there is no way I would be giving the baby his last name let alone naming him something the 5th after a line of people who aren't treating her kindly/civilly.

twobluelines · August 2013

It reminds me that for international travel if the parent and child have different last names then she may have difficulty traveling with the baby without permission from the father. No way I would put myself in that situation with someone who had been an ass.

MrsGraham06 · August 2013

I was born to unwed parents. I received my father's name, since they planned on getting married (and did). They had another baby, and then divorced. Mom married a wonderful man, who adopted me and my sister, and all our names were legally changed to his. I've talked to my biological father 4 times in 20 years.

I have a co-worker who has 2 children by different men. They have their fathers' names, but no real relationship with their fathers.

I think she did the right thing for her situation (from OP). If something changes in the future, names can be legally changed.

Jules5611 · August 2013

Speaking from experience I would give the baby the mothers last name. I was engaged to my sons father when I had him 8 years ago. Thinking we would all share the same last name some day I gave my son his last name. His father and I split up shorty after my son was 2. His father developed a drug addiction and hasn't had any contact with my son in the past 5 years. My point is it is much easier to change a babies last name over to the fathers then trying to change it to the mother's last name once it had the fathers last name.

juliasmama2010 · August 2013

I agree, this is a case by case basis. If I was pregnant out of wed lock, it would totally depend on my relationship with the Dad as to which last name baby would take. If we were engaged, or felt there was long term potential, I'd be more inclined to use Dad's last name. But if we were on the rocks or broken up, definitely taking my last name. I would've done the same thing as the Mom in your example.

Unknown · August 2013

This content has been removed.

OnBabymaking226 · August 2013

I think, on average, when a couple is together, the child usually gets the father's name. However, if not together, and especially if the relationship ended on bad terms, I can see the mother going with her own last name.

My husband's parents were never married (they were dating when my MIL got pregnant, but FIL was a douche from what I understand, and she found him cheating on her in a bar 8 months pregnant), and he has his mother's last name. I am SO glad she did that, because he is very close with his maternal grandparents w/ the same last name, and didn't even end up meeting his dad until he was 12. I am proud to have his grandparents' last name and to pass it on to our children, and wouldn't necessarily feel that way if it was his father's last name (I would probably just feel indifferent, to be honest).

genaruthp · August 2013

I think it is really up to the individuals in the situation. I have known people who regretted giving baby dad's last name (as he refused to be involved). And a friend who was upset because his kid never got his last name (and mom's last name is terrible).

Funny side story - an acquaintance had a few kids then got divorced. She was not married and got pregnant. She gave the baby the last name she and all her kids have from her ex-husband. The Ex-husband was a little miffed she used his last name for the new random baby. But I can see her point (the new baby daddy didn't stick around so it makes sense for mom and baby to have the same last name).

Jmattis · August 2013

If that was me, and I was the mother in that situation, you better believe it would take my own last name. He doesn't deserve his last name used and is obviously a S**thead.

JuliaH21 · August 2013

genaruthp said:
Funny side story - an acquaintance had a few kids then got divorced. She was not married and got pregnant. She gave the baby the last name she and all her kids have from her ex-husband. The Ex-husband was a little miffed she used his last name for the new random baby. But I can see her point (the new baby daddy didn't stick around so it makes sense for mom and baby to have the same last name).

This is something I'd never even think about, but a pretty interesting point. I got married at 19 and divorced not long after. I wasn't thrilled to have that name sticking with me, but it's so much work to change everything. I kept it until I re-married and I can't imagine doing 3 name changes (back to maiden between marriages)

Sweetiejules12 · August 2013

You can name your baby anything you want. In nj if you are not married you sign a certificate of parentage when naming the father. It's harder for child support if you don't bc then you have to go to court. But naming the baby after the mother or the father is up to them. Some think its hard for the child if they live with the mother and have different names. My sisters children have her last name, mine will have my fiancé as then I only have to changes name when we get married. And I think 'my daughter should have his name. But that's just me.

Armyratt · August 2013

lmills730 said:
I definitely agree with what the girl in your church did in her situation. The baby would have had my last name too if I was going through that. I don't think there is any *right* answer, just depends on the circumstances.

This is how I feel as well. If I knew things were not going to work out I would go with my last name. It makes it easier especially if the father decides to not be in the child's life.

sarahmarie2 · August 2013

tarajeannette said:

I'm not married to my SO, and my pregnancy is very happily welcomed, but nonetheless unplanned. I am going to have her take my last name. We are not engaged and if we do eventually get married, then we can change it. The only feelings that will be hurt are SO's very Catholic parents, but it's kinda too late for that anyway, what with the lack of wedlock to begin with.

Same here! Of course we've spoken about getting engaged, but I'm having a hard time figuring out what name to give our baby boy. For personal reasons, I feel weird not giving LO my last name (especially since I feel weird giving up my last name if/when we do get married), but I don't want to upset everyone in both our families by not giving him my SO's last name (even my mom seems offended by the thought!)

buckeyebride22 · August 2013

I work with birth certificates. I would say in most cases the child is given the father's last name. If mom gives the child her last name 95% of the time its because the father is mia. That being said in Ohio you can name your kid whatever you want. I just had a mom use her grandfathers name as the child's last name. If you are married, however, it has to be the husbands last name even if he technically is not the father. It causes all sorts of drama.

salsamommy · August 2013

Well from my own experience, and the bullsh*t my H put me through these past few months, we've separated and this DD will definitely be taking MY last name... It's a preference I think. and like others have said, it depends on the relationship at the time. If they were together and planning a life together, the father's name would be appropriate.

salsamommy · August 2013

Jules5611 said:

Speaking from experience I would give the baby the mothers last name. I was engaged to my sons father when I had him 8 years ago. Thinking we would all share the same last name some day I gave my son his last name. His father and I split up shorty after my son was 2. His father developed a drug addiction and hasn't had any contact with my son in the past 5 years. My point is it is much easier to change a babies last name over to the fathers then trying to change it to the mother's last name once it had the fathers last name.

Sorry to go off topic here, but did you manage to get your son's name changed to yours eventually? I'd love for them to allow me to do this, since DS will have a different last name to me and this LO.

cyndilouwho77 · August 2013

If he broke up with her, she gets the rights to name the baby. I wasnt married to the man I had my first too babies with but since we were together I did give them his last name! Now I am married and the baby will get mine and my husbands last name!

aessary03 · August 2013

In my case, the baby's father wasn't going to be a part of her life. So why should he get the last name? I gave my daughter my last name.

If the couple can be on amicable terms and the father is going to be involved in the child's life, then sure, the baby should have his last name. If he's not, I say hell no.

Want a personalized experience?

If the parents are not married, which last name does baby usually get?

Re: If the parents are not married, which last name does baby usually get?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards