To Tell or Not To Tell?

JCWhitey · August 2013

Back when I was pregnant I was chatting with a friend about her birth experience. I had already gotten the full story from her fiance, but when I went to chat with her she admitted that she didn't like telling expecting mothers her story since it was so adnormal. Basically she had some mild contractions for a few hours one morning, went to the hospital just to see what was happening, and was crowning when they went to do the first exam in triage and she didn't even know it. Her baby was born about 45 minutes after they got to the hospital. At the time I didn't understand why she wouldn't want to share that, it's an awesome story! But, now that I've had my own quick, easy, relatively painless natural birth I kind of get where she's coming from. I am very proud of my birth experience, but at the same time it really is not the "normal labor experience". I've only been asked by one expecting mother directly about my birth experience and I told her, but made it clear it wasn't normal. When I was done I worried I maybe gave her a false sense of hope.

So for those of you who are pregnant- are these the sort of things you want to hear? Do you like getting that hope or would you prefer to get your hopes up? For me I felt like it helped me in the weeks before I went into labor to use positive thinking (which, who knows, maybe it helped!), but I can also see how hearing these stories would frustrate someone with a long, hard labor during and after the fact.

barista411 · August 2013

Personally I had a crazy delivery with my first that makes it very scary to be looking at another natural birth with this LO. I have been reading every positive birth story to remind myself that every birth is different and some are much easier than others. It has honestly relieved some of my anxiety approaching this next birth to know that not all moms have to go through what I had to go through and that there are good chances I won't have to go through the insanity of my last delivery again. So I say if someone asks you your birth story be proud of it!

LaurelBee · August 2013

I say share with who ever you feel comfortable sharing!

tokenhoser · August 2013

I only tell my birth stories to those people that ask specifically to hear it. That is *very few* people. I think your story is your story, and you should tell it happily. But I also think that birth is a very individual experience, and there really aren't a lot of people that want to hear about it no matter what kind of story it is.

Now if only I could get DH to stop telling DD's birth story to everyone we see.

ejb23 · August 2013

I would say tell! Agree with Pp about picking and choosing who and if they ask but it's wonderful

KateLouise · August 2013

I'm very vocal about my general feelings towards childbirth, and, if it's relevant to the conversation, will readily say things like, "I had great experiences." "I love giving birth." etc,

I only give specific details if people ask, and then tread carefully with my words to ensure that no one thinks that I judge either their experiences or their plans.

oliversmommy32912 · August 2013

I think sharing positive birth stories is the only way we are going to normalize childbirth in our society. The horror stories are only perpetuating the fear. Someone who hears only negative birth experiences is going to assume they will also have negative experiences.

MamaInMN · August 2013

I'm due in a week and I would only ask someone their birth story if I wanted to hear it from them. Usually though, I don't ask, because I've found that many, many women make their story out to be horrible. Which, it may very well be, but I only want to hear positive stories. I don't think that's me giving myself false hope. I think it's putting myself in a certain mindset before labor.

I say share away if ever someone asks but otherwise, stick to the general "we had a great experience" type comments.

aylafsu88 · August 2013

tokenhoser said:

I only tell my birth stories to those people that ask specifically to hear it. That is *very few* people. I think your story is your story, and you should tell it happily. But I also think that birth is a very individual experience, and there really aren't a lot of people that want to hear about it no matter what kind of story it is.

This. I only tell people who specifically ask. So far that has been a Bradley class (we were asked to come back and tell our story to one of the classes) and a close friend. I find that many people don't want to know or particularly care. I also feel it is pushy to tell someone without being directly asked.
I don't think you should feel awkward telling someone your story. Every birth is different and unique. Most woman know that so telling your story does not give them false hope for a fast, simple birth. Instead it tells them that in birth anything can happen and it is possible to have a wonderful, uncomplicated birth. The bold part is the most important thing for expecting mothers to hear!

PBP2002 · August 2013

I agree - if I want to hear someone's birth story, I want to hear it - even if it was an "easy" birth what is wrong with hearing about that? I mean, no one hesitates to tell you about their 72 hour labor (which is also abnormal) so why not here the positive stories, too? And also I feel like anyone who has spent any time reading about what to expect would know NOT to expect that fast of a labor, but shows you that there are fast and positive births out there, too.

HerbanMom · August 2013

I prefer to hear the positive stories because they keep you in a positive mind-set that this CAN go smoothly. I really think that the way we think about birth has alot of weight on how our experience can go, the mind has alot of power. If we are scared and thinking it's going to be horrible... chances are it's going to be horrible. My delivery of DS1 was horrible and I had ALOT of intervention but I stayed positive about things and I really think that's why I bounced back so well, DS2 I stayed positive and hopeful and it went so incredibly smooth, even with a pushy Dr and nurse. I plan on hypnobirthing with this one in a birth center and we are going into it with open, positive minds and I feel like every positive, happy delivery story that I hear is fuel for that to help maintain my state of mind.

rtv3 · August 2013

I'm thinking about doing a natural birth but slightly terrified. I want to hear those kinds of stories so that I can tell myself, "See, it doesn't have to be horrible."

J&Jaggies06 · August 2013

People just have to realize there are good and bad. There is no way of knowing what your experience will be so hear those good stories and hope that is what you have but be prepared for the worst, not in some dreamland.

ssemovsk · August 2013

I've had several people ask for my birth story- pretty much everyone I'm close with. I had a natural birth that was not at all painless, it was actually pretty excruciating and lasted 36 hours. I feel bad sharing the stories with expecting mothers because I don't want to scare them to death because most women aren't in labor that long. At the same time I want them to know that if I can go through all that without medicine then so can they!

rooftop · August 2013

I would much rather hear positive stories than negative ones. There really isn't such thing as a "normal birth". Each is different and women should not feel ashamed of having an "easier birth". Share with whoever you feel could benefit. There's a difference between bragging and inspiring.

Celyn · August 2013

Please tell. Every birth is different, every story is unique. Leaving moms to think the only normal story is a long, painful labor does everyone a disservice. Your story is just as valid and worth hearing!

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