What is AP? (genuine question). What does it mean to you?

NoeK · August 2013

I always looked at AP as having sort of standard rules. Especially from the books/ articles I have read. And I would like to consider myself AP but while there are certain AP methods that I feel very strongly about, others I'm more like "Meh". I would also be open to bringing my parenting style in line with its core philosophies. The CIO discussion has really got me thinking, does AP really mean just being a nuturing parent? Is there a more formal guideline of sorts? Is it being judgmental to have such a strong opinion and voice it or just better to "quietly AP"?.
Sorry if I am rambling and I am truly NOT trying to offend, I guess I am just trying to get a clearer concept of how to follow something that emotionally feel so strongly drawn to.

kcisthebombdotcom · August 2013

There really was never meant to be a list of standard rules to AP. see below. https://www.askdrsears.com/topics/attachment-parenting/what-ap-7-baby-bs You don't have to follow every guideline to be an attachment parent. You're not always going to be able to follow every guideline. Some mothers have to work. Some babies are physically unable to nurse. Some babies hate being worn. The principles aren't going to work with every mother/child combo. If you're responsive to your child's needs in a loving manner you would be considered an attachment parent.

NoeK · August 2013

Thank you, I like the suggestions and the explanation about AP basically being responsive- style parenting. I am doing all of those things but do not baby wear as often as I could, so I'm going to step up as far as that is concerned

ForeverEverAfter · August 2013

Like pp, the idea is to follow as many of the AP principles as fit you and baby. I think different books give different definitions. I follow the Dr Sears approach of the Bs; birth bonding, breastfeeding, babywearing, belief in cries, bedding close, balance and boundaries, beware of baby trainers. I BF and am anti-CIO, but she now sleeps in a crib and I don't babywear at home much now that she's crawling.

musicalmama5 · August 2013

I think of the Baby B's as suggestions and guidelines but not hard-and-fast rules. I was explaining what I though AP was to a friend the other day (responding quickly and gently to your child's cries, respecting him as a full member of the family, etc.) and her response was, "well that just sounds like being a good parent!"

opheliainwaders · August 2013

ForeverEverAfter said:
Like pp, the idea is to follow as many of the AP principles as fit you and baby. I think different books give different definitions. I follow the Dr Sears approach of the Bs; birth bonding, breastfeeding, babywearing, belief in cries, bedding close, balance and boundaries, beware of baby trainers. I BF and am anti-CIO, but she now sleeps in a crib and I don't babywear at home much now that she's crawling.

Well said. I think to me it's also considering your child as a full person with needs, feelings, limitations, etc., and being responsive to those.

tina924 · August 2013

I agree with everyone here. I found out that I was more AP than any other parenting style, only after I read up on AP when DS was already a couple of months old. It truly is about having a nurturing relationship in which the parents are in tune to their child's particular needs, and every child is different. AP, I feel, is about really listening to your baby, understanding their cues, wants needs, and responding accordingly. It is a gentle form of parenting, and I found that AP gave me a sense of calm, because I didn't feel like I had to sleep train, or put baby on a schedule. We just went with DS's natural rhythms and it felt so right.

=Lee=B · August 2013

I haven't really read much of anything about it, we did cover it years ago in my early childhood education training but I don't remember what we learned.

Here, for our family it means responding to her needs without making her cry for it by watching her cues and paying attention. BF on demand, baby wearing, mostly bed-sharing though she does sleep in her crib when she's content with it (seems to be in stages, currently back to bedshare stage).

That's the main parts I guess...like I said we just did what came naturally rather than following a list. Basically as much as we try to keep living our life as we did pre-baby, life has greatly changed to meet our babies needs...we don't force her to fit our old life. She just worked the two together as much as we could and had to give some aspects up in order to meet our little one's needs.

Baby wearing has helped a lot with that...I wear her and we still manage to spends a whole day at a museum or go out for dinner etc. Her needs are met with closeness and we get to do some of the old things we enjoy.

At just under 6 month she is just starting to sit in the stroller more than 5min, she still comes out to nap in the baby carrier but she will sit in it for longer periods checking everything out. Prior to now she would fuss when we put her in so I wore her and the stroller became our very expensive, high tech, diaper bag mover. We didn't force her to stay in the stroller as she clearly wanted closeness.

Most days she fusses/cried less than 10-15minutes total in a 24hr period. We know what she wants and she know we'll respond so just no need to cry. That said, she is an easy going baby so it helped. I'm sure many families that are AP still have babies that cry.

limetango · August 2013

When DD was younger and people found out that I BF, coslept, was a SAHM, and thought CIO should be punishable by law, they would say "oh you're an AP", and I would say "no, I'm a natural parent. I don't listen to others' advice and I do what feels natural". If that makes me an AP, then I'm okay with that label. My mom was the complete opposite of AP and I'm sure that's why she and I are not close at all. DD is almost 21 months now and weaned herself from BF and no longer co-sleeps, but I still respond to her when she is upset, because her being upset makes me upset. I think that is the most important part, is responding to your child rather than ignoring them or making them feel that they don't matter.

MJM3108 · August 2013

tina924 said:

I agree with everyone here. I found out that I was more AP than any other parenting style, only after I read up on AP when DS was already a couple of months old. It truly is about having a nurturing relationship in which the parents are in tune to their child's particular needs, and every child is different. AP, I feel, is about really listening to your baby, understanding their cues, wants needs, and responding accordingly. It is a gentle form of parenting, and I found that AP gave me a sense of calm, because I didn't feel like I had to sleep train, or put baby on a schedule. We just went with DS's natural rhythms and it felt so right.

::::coming out of lurkdom::::

I could have written this word for word!

What is AP? (genuine question). What does it mean to you?

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