Coming to terms with birth?

Re: Coming to terms with birth?

• AmyRI member

  August 2013

  I don't have any personal experience to offer, but maybe some of the ladies on the c/s board could support you re: recovery and complications.

  As far as wishing you had a natural birth, I think it's normal to mourn the loss of what you wanted. Birth is a very emotional thing. I'd see if there's an International Cesarean Awareness Network chapter near you where you could get support now and information for future kids. https://www.ican-online.org/

  
  

  #3 Due April 2016

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• MrsSteSte member

  August 2013

  Thanks for the suggestions, @AmyRI - I didn't even realize there was a C/S board!

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• nodito member

  August 2013

  It's normal to feel all kind of stuff after labor and delivery, especially if things didn't go as planned.  You're emotional anyway with all those hormones, and sleep deprived, and disappointed.  It would be weird if you didn't feel upset.  I can remember crying about the silliest things.  But this isn't silly.  Your birth experience is important, and it's your own body that was impacted.  Yes, it's important to get a healthy baby, but you are absolutely allowed to feel grief/anger/disappointment/relief/joy and any combination of those emotions about the way the baby was delivered. 

  Reach out to people who have had c-sections so you can commiserate.  You might find it helpful to talk or write about your birth experience as well, even if it's still too raw to share.  And finally, don't worry about future kids yet.  It's tough being a new mom and you need time to adjust and process - that includes processing the birth experience itself.  You may feel very differently a month or six from now.  Good luck!

  

  
  

  
  

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• stahlop member

  August 2013

  I just had a discussion about this type of thing at a local moms group. We put too much weight on the outcome of the birth. Yes, you have a healthy baby, but that doesn't mean the feelings you have regarding the birth aren't important as well. You could have had a perfectly normal birth and lost the baby, but that doesn't mean the birth experience itself was bad. Just a bad outcome. Find a support group. These feelings are perfect normal.

  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

        

    

  
  
  

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• MamaWombat member

  September 2013

  I'm sorry things didn't work out the way you hope. I don't have any personal experience yet, but from what I've read, your current feelings are completely normal for your situation, and justified. It is how things happen, as well as what happens, that matters. Finding professional support - whether a counselor, clergy, etc. could be a big help.

  
  BFP #1 08/05/12. EDD 4/15/13 m/c 08/27/12
  BFP #2 06/05/13. EDD 2/16/2014 (Team Blue). Baby Wombat born 2/20/2014 7lb. 11oz and 20 in.
  

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• catsinawindow member

  September 2013 edited September 2013

  I'm lurking on this board, as we're currently TTC our second, but I can relate to your experience.  Let me start by saying that I am sorry that his birth didn't work out as planned.

  I also had a birth experience that went very, very differently than planned.  As you said, virtually my entire birth plan went out the window, even to the point where during labor I imagined each point being individually struck out.  Like you, I had a healthy baby and knew that it was most important.  I also felt guilty about feeling so depressed about his birth.

  For me, time really did heal the wounds.  At first, I thought I would never have another child.  Then, I went through a phase where I desperately wanted to be PG again, just to "re-do" my DS's birth experience.  Now, I've sort of accepted that my son's birth wasn't ideal, but it was HIS birth, and I don't fear it or want to re-do it.

  What helped me was really owning his birth experience and celebrating it for what it was.  My son's birth was stressful, scary, painful, funny at times, and the hardest physical thing I have ever done (and, yes, I did have an epidural).  Nothing went according to plan, and I was disappointed, yet I made it through, and I'm so proud of myself for doing that.  FWIW, I think all moms are rock stars no matter how their babies come into the world.  You should be proud of yourself for making it through such a less-than-ideal situation.

  I found writing my birth story very healing.  Maybe you could see if it helps you?  I hope some of this helps.  Take care of yourself, those PP hormones are really tough.

  ETA- wow sorry for the novel!

  
  

  
  

  

  BFP#2:  EDD 2/11/14, MMC confirmed 7/15/13 (growth stopped at 6 weeks), D&C @ 12 weeks 7/25/13
  

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• cyprissa member

  September 2013

  A healthy baby IS important but that doesn't mean that you are not entitled to feeling disappointed, sad, frustrated, etc. by your birth experience. Our feelings matter too. The process of birth is important, not just the outcome. I was a home birth transfer and gave birth with like 25 random people in the room working on the new hospital computer system or doing god knows what. It was traumatizing. The OB on call also cranked my leg all the way up mid push ad it was the most painful moment ever and I had already had one natural birth. I still got most of my birth plan but 9 weeks later I am still frequently sad and upset about how it played out. Also, every time I lay in my bed, I imagine the pushing contraction I had right before they told me we were transferring. I can't escape it... Give yourself time and permission to grieve the loss of what you wanted. Hugs.

  
  
  

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