Feeling like.. No one understands!!

QueenVictoria08 · August 2013

I know I'm not the only woman who has lost a child. I try to be understanding that it's not all about me but dangit sometimes, I need it to be all about me. Currently 24 wks and 6 yrs ago I delivered pre term without any warning signs at 24 wks. This week has been the hardest for me. Today at my visit, my Dr. found MORE cervical changes and now wants me on corticosteroid injections. Along with the progestrone and having had a cerclage at 19 wks. I am just sooo over whelmed. I've tried to not have a poor me or pity party but I feel like I'm approaching my max of how much stress, anxiety and worry I can take!!! So I thought I'd vent here. I'm tired of being "strong" and putting on a smile like I'm OK, everything is OK!!! I just want to MELT!!! I just want a healthy, physcially and mentally, child. I just want to hold him in my arms and never let go. I want to kiss his hands and little toes. I want to give him the Christian foundation that my grandparents gave to me. I know no mother is perfect, but dispite my imperfections, I want my son to love me uncondictionally, just as I love him!! I just want to be a MOM!!!

cantsitwithus · August 2013

So sorry you're having such a hard time. Can't imagine what you must be feeling.

ETA: wording

Mrbatesisinnocent · August 2013

I'm not PGAL, but I'd love to say that I hear what you're saying and I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the heartbreak that you've experienced. In my opinion you are a Mom and a mom that experienced one of the most gut wrenching things possible. I think you are completely justified in feeling the way that you do and I hope for you all the things you expressed that you get to hold and feel the love of a healthy baby in your arms.

MelAnnDi · August 2013

I'm sorry for what you've been through and I can't imagine trying to get through this week. I'm sending thoughts and prayers for you and LO.

cboink · August 2013

I can't say I understand but I do think you are entitled to a pity party. Hopefully once you get through the next few weeks you will be able to be less worried. I agree with the bubble bath. Relax, stressing wont help. Sending positive thoughts your way.

Schreckswife09 · August 2013

I just wanted to say you and LO are in my prayers! Take care of yourself and know its ok not to be strong all the time. Lean on those around you for support. Hugs!

Aycul18 · August 2013

Sending lots of T&P's to you and LO! You don't always have to be strong. It's ok to break down every once in a while, and vent here all you want ;-) there is a nice strong community here that will help you out. Sometimes trying to be strong is the hardest and most stressful thing. Go lay down, relax, and cry it out a little.

m88bloom · August 2013

Not being PGAL I have no idea what that's like but I imagine horrible thoughts and feelings. Take the rest of the day off from being strong. Cry, whine, throw a temper tantrum. Every once in a while you just need to let it out and know that it's ok. I'll be thinking of you.

Lyzza350 · August 2013

I'm so sorry. All I can say is you are not alone and you deserve to cry and be sad when you need to. Best of everything for you and your little one.

shoeflypie · August 2013

I'm sorry you had to go through that and are dealing with an overload with this pregnancy. Just know that it's ok to feel how you're feeling. Maybe acknowledging your fears and desires will help you through this hard time. It's perfectly alright to feel what your feeling.

notkateanymore · August 2013

I'm really sorry for your loss. Have you visited the Pregnant after a Loss board? People seem to find real comfort in the community there.

Tigger & pooh · August 2013

I am sorry this is such a hard week. I can't imagine how scary it is for you to learn your cervix is changing. It's great the doctor is keeping a close eye on things to ensure you will get to hold this one in your arms and never have to let go.

Mills0309 · August 2013

So sorry for what you have been and are going through. I will be praying for you and your LO.

margaerytyrell · August 2013

Ugh, that's just the worst. I'm sorry you're going through this and reliving the hell you went through before.

KFiori1 · August 2013

So sorry for your loss. I can't imagine. You're in my thoughts and prayers!

esf60 · August 2013

I'm really sorry you're dealing with that... It's sounds like a lot to go through emotionally. As previous posters said, this is a great place for support, and we'll think good thoughts for you and your little one!

nofcksgiven · August 2013

I haven't lost a child, so I'm sure my feelings aren't as intense, but I'm in the same boat right now.
I'm 24 weeks, cerclage at 19, first round of steroids today.
The fear is indescribable sometimes. I feel like I'm constantly waiting for something to go very wrong. I feel cheated out of the stereotypical happy and excited pregnancy...and that pisses me off.

We've made it this far and our babies are still cooking. Everyday we keep them in is one more day that things are okay. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

You can PM me anytime of you want to talk. Like a PP said, I would also check out the Pregnant After a Loss board. I've heard that they're wonderful.

/creepy Internet hugs.

MamaGrillo · August 2013

So sorry for your loss.
It's understandable that it would make you anxious right now. Hope and pray that it'll all be okay.

Marchmellow2 · August 2013

Awh I'm sorry you're going through this! Just know inside that you are OK. And that baby is OK. I know it's easier said than done but it's important to keep positive. I wish you health and blessings, I'll be praying too.

NurseKMM · August 2013

Hugs hugs and more hugs!!! Many thoughts and prayers sent to you! I'm sorry you are having to go through this.

peitri · August 2013

I am so sorry for all the stress and worry you are currently going through. Lots of thoughts your way that you DO have a healthy LO in December to have and love. I'm not PgAL so I can only imagine what you're going through. Keep us posted with any updates. We are here for you!

insertclevername · August 2013

I am so sorry for your loss and the stress you are currently going through. I hope that your little boy stays put for now and that you get your healthy little boy to mother and hold. Keeping you in my thoughts.

MEP923 · August 2013

Sorry for your loss. Thoughts and prayers to you and your baby! And as PP said you absolutely are a mom.

mightymousy · August 2013

*HUGS* I'm so sorry for your loss, being pregnant after a loss is a constant emotional struggle. T&Ps that everything goes well and little one stays baking to term.

QueenVictoria08 · August 2013

Meggie0421 said:

I haven't lost a child, so I'm sure my feelings aren't as intense, but I'm in the same boat right now. I'm 24 weeks, cerclage at 19, first round of steroids today. The fear is indescribable sometimes. I feel like I'm constantly waiting for something to go very wrong. I feel cheated out of the stereotypical happy and excited pregnancy...and that pisses me off. We've made it this far and our babies are still cooking. Everyday we keep them in is one more day that things are okay. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. You can PM me anytime of you want to talk. Like a PP said, I would also check out the Pregnant After a Loss board. I've heard that they're wonderful. /creepy Internet hugs.

I couldn't agree with you more, as far as feeling cheated of the stereotypical happy and exciting pregnany. At every visit, I wait for them to tell me something wrong. I feel exteremly guilty because I was brought up in a strong Christian home and family and friends are saying HAVE FAITH.. I'm trying although, it't not very easy. Thank you for your words and I too wish you the VERY BEST!!

QueenVictoria08 · August 2013

To EVERYONE that posted:

Tear over flowed in my eyes as I scroll down reading your posts. I REALLY REALLY REALLY appreciate the support and just allowing me to vent. Being strong is very hard, as I am always the strong one for those around me. So me showing weakness is like unhear of. Its the weekend and I too think I deserve a mani/pedi and a large pizza all to myself again ladies... THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH!! you have no idea how much your words mean!!!

northport6 · August 2013

::hugs:: You're always welcome to vent here!

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