I just want this all behind me...

I had a miscarriage back in January. I had no idea I was pregnant. I thought I was having a really long period and by the time I went to the doctor, I found out I had miscarried. The doctor said they did not see anything in uterus. He did a blood and urine test a week later and it was negative. I was sent on my way. A D&C was never even mentioned, but I felt awful and crampy for so long after that!! I bled from January all the way until spring break! I have always had normal periods, but since then nothing has been normal.

...

July 13th I started having morning sickness and took an at-home pregnancy test. It was positive! I lost my insurance back in February, so I had to go through the health clinic. They referred me to a doctor who could not get me in until August 13th. I have no idea how far along I was. My periods have been so wacky!

August 6-8 I started bleeding really heavy and passed some clots. I was in a lot of pain. I just knew I had miscarried. I had scheduled 5 teaching interviews over the course of these few days, so I really avoided going to the ER!

August 13th I went to the doctor and they didn't see any pregnancy in my uterus. The doctor said my urine test was definitely a "strong positive." She had me do bloodwork.

August 19th I found out my numbers were "rising abnormally" and I needed another ultrasound. My numbers were in the 6,000s (Oh, and I stopped bleeding/spotting this same day)

August 23rd I had another ultrasound. No pregnancy, but the nurse said there was a "possible gestational sac" (whatever that means?!) and ordered more bloodwork.

August 27th the nurse told me my numbers were still rising and asked if I had another appointment scheduled. I told her no. She said she would call right back but never called back. I waited by my phone for hours.

August 28th I leave 2 more messages and still don't hear back. Is their lack of calling me back mean I shouldn't be concerned? If it suspected it was ectopic, they would do something ASAP, right? ugh.

...so here I am. Awake at 3:40AM. Worrying. Why can't my numbers just go down to zero and I can move on with my life?! Within the last 2 weeks my sister-in-law and a friend have had their babies. I am trying my best to be happy for them, but it is so hard. It could've been me if I hadn't miscarried back in January. I also had to make an excuse not to go to my good friend's baby shower yesterday. I just couldn't go because of the timing. The sadness is just too overwhelming.

I started bleeding again today. It feels more like a regular period. I hope it only lasts my normal 3 period days. I even got a couple of zits like I always do that time of the month.

I really appreciate all of you on here that share your stories. I have read so many of them. It makes me feel less alone out there in all of this. Let's all have a drink to having healthy babies in the future! Because we can have a drink now, ya know?! ;D