Question about 1st birthday party (andreahshields)

ProfessorPedals825 · August 2013

I feel like a PW today, and DD's birthday is still a long way away but I had to ask while I'm thinking of it.

We took a 3 hr drive to visit my family this past weekend for a baby shower and to visit my sick Aunt. I talked to my mother last night on the phone and she kept gushing over DD and telling me how she can't wait to see her again. Then she said she can't wait for her first birthday party and that we need to start making plans to come back for that. That's when I told her we'd probably have it here where we live, not a 3 hr drive away. She threw a fit! She said we have to have it there because all of my family is there. My mother is the oldest of 7 and they all live there, so yes I have most of my aunts, uncles, and cousins there, but what about DH's family? MIL is a 2 hr FLIGHT away and FIL is about a 4 hr drive in the opposite direction. She can't really expect me to have the party closer to her just because that's what she wants, can she? Isn't a first birthday party stressful enough without having to add a 3 hr roadtrip also?

Maybe I'm wrong here, but I wanted to get some opinions. Thanks ladies!

martinimomma · August 2013

I may be in the minority here, but here is my two cents:

You should have the party wherever you want to have the party. If family can attend, great, and if not, your family (i.e., you, your DH and your LO) will celebrate with whomever can attend. A first birthday is special, I know, but from the sounds of it, shuttling all over the darn place could become expected as the norm rather than the exception and it sounds super stressful.

To be fair (1) DH and I are only children, so we have it a little easier with fewer people to please, and (2) we did have "2 parties" for DS when DH's family was not available on a weekend when some of my family happened to be in from out of town and we wanted to schedule it (so we did a small cake and coffee with my visiting relatives and then a larger party with pizza and cake the following weekend with DH's family and a few repeaters from the prior week) which was a little inconvenient but not nearly anything like the travel stuff you describe above.

Also we did not have a "big first birthday" bash, just a cake with Elmo on it and a few ballons, so that was what made 2 parties do-able -- and both were at our house. DH's cousins who could not attend called and did face time with us to be able to see G on the party day.

Though our families are smaller, we are sticking tight to the concept that birthdays/events are at the birthday/event celebrant's location of choice, and not elsewhere. Whomever can come, comes, and whomever cannot, misses out on yummy cake and cuteness. Their loss.

But like I said, I suspect I may end up in the minority on this one.

adoxyinherear · August 2013

We just had DD's first birthday, and it was stressful enough not having it at our house, let alone 3 hours away. You should celebrate how you want to celebrate.

hopefulmom81 · August 2013

I TOTALLY agree with martini. Whoever comes comes and whoever doesn't, too bad.

Why in the world would you throw YOUR child's party at a location that doesn't work for YOU?!?! That seems crazy and very inconvenient to me. 6 hours of driving? No way.

ProfessorPedals825 · August 2013

Thanks ladies! I'm loving all of your thoughts on this, and luckily I still have lots of time to decide what to do. I do have to consider my sick Aunt too. I certainly don't expect her to make that drive. I'll talk to DH when the time gets closer and we'll settle on something together. THANKS!

big_noise · August 2013

Def. hold the party/celebrate where you want and how you want. A few years into this parenting gig I'm now wishing I'd been a little more firm at the beginning on some things, as DD's birthday celebration last year with DH's family was hard.

jbranden12 · August 2013

Main party wherever you want, smaller get togethers elsewhere if someone offers to host. Of course, this is coming from the woman who had three weddings... (one in Denmark where DH is from, one where I grew up, and a third reception in the state where most of my extended family is).

KJsbabe · August 2013

Your kid, your choice! If you want to have it at your house, have it at your house. And if that's the most centrally located place for all family involved, not just your side, then that's where I would have it.

orangegoggles · August 2013

I would have it wherever you want. If it was me I would probably have it at my house and would entertain the idea of a smaller get together in your moms town, though I wouldnt throw a formal party.

MJM3108 · August 2013

I'm with the other ladies 100%! Your kid, your choice. Mom gets no say in this, unless you want her to.

jobiann · August 2013

hopefulmom81 said:

I TOTALLY agree with martini. Whoever comes comes and whoever doesn't, too bad.

Why in the world would you throw YOUR child's party at a location that doesn't work for YOU?!?! That seems crazy and very inconvenient to me. 6 hours of driving? No way.

I agree with this exactly. You should have it where you want it, if the family doesn't like that then too bad. I know that is easy to say and I know they will be upset and make you feel guilty but you have to do what's best for the entire group and most importantly for your LO.

With that said, we are blessed that my entire family and DH's parents and most siblings are right here in our community, his extended family lives about 2 hours away so it's pretty easy for us. Hang in there, stick to what you and your H want and hopefully your Mom realizes she needs to be a big girl and respect your wishes.

damabo80 · August 2013

What about having two birthday parties? Have the actual one at your house and whoever wants to attend, great. And then a few weeks later, your mom can throw a birthday party at HER house and invite her friends/family.

My family lives on the opposite side of the country. DD and I visited them when she was 11m. My mom threw a party for DD at her house (DH wasn't even there) and then once we came back home, I threw her real birthday party closer to her actual birthday. It worked out well.

Two cute outfits, two smash cakes photos (her smash cake at my parents' doubled as a gender reveal cake since I was pg with DS), and double the people fawning over her without trying to stuff that many people into my family room. Plus, cheaper for me. Win.

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