HORRIFIC MIL'S!!

TallaB · August 2013

The fantastic MIL thread left me out...so, lets have a horrific MIL thread! I can't be the only one...

I'm pretty sure my MIL thinks I married her son just to ruin her life. She has called me every name and word imaginable - but my favorite was the big C word! That was a first! She constantly tells me I must be adopted and that my parents should be ashamed of themselves. Also, that I've ruined her son's life. She is also trying to charge us $1k for making her attend our wedding. Im going to be in therapy for the rest of my life!! (or at least the rest of HER life!)

Who else has a crappy MIL!

bingbongsmama · August 2013

My MIL's not as bad, she's nice to my face but behind my back talks about how I'm lazy for not working (I'm a SAHM but she just calls it not having a job). She doesn't give DD the time of day, won't even come over to visit.

LittleLady77 · August 2013

Wow! OP that sounds horrible. I'm really sorry. I haven't ever talked to my MIL. She doesn't speak English or live in America.

MNeforos · August 2013

@TallaB - I am so sorry! Have you tried marriage therapy? How does your hubs react? My hubs and I had to go because I was (still do) seriously struggling with my MIL. I was fighting with him over his mom and his role in defending me as his wife. It got nasty so we went and now we both have strategies. It helped considerably for both of us. I can soooooooo relate though should you ever need a private vent! I wish I could say it gets better but I am currently not on speaking terms with my MIL...after *she* criticized me and I called her out on it (strategy put in place). Sounds like an appropriate time for her to give ME the silent treatment, right? Ugh - never ending! Hugs!

katiedidthat · August 2013

My MIL told us we shouldn't have kids less than an hour before we announced our first pregnancy to them. She has also blamed me for my DH losing his job, said I trapped him by marrying him and getting pregnant right away, and told me repeatedly that my "priorities aren't in line".

Serenla · August 2013

@tallab wow your MIL is a cuntburger I'm sorry.

hlm184 · August 2013

I don't even want to talk about what my MIL just did, but it resulted in my husband walking out of their house a day early and I don't think we will be visiting them any time soon.

If they want to see their grandchild, they can come visit us as long as they promise to be civil.

LittleLady77 · August 2013

@naocarr She is from Turkey

nycgirlkat · August 2013

Wow, there are some prize-winning MILs around here. On my wedding day in a drunken stupor my MIL asked me "what is so special about you that my son knew almost right away that he wanted to marry you. I just don't get it, he's dated MANY quality girls before you, I don't understand" and went about her drinking. Of course no one was paying attention and my husband was not nearby. This isn't the first time she "blurted out" hurtful things towards me when having a few. When I speak to DH he just says, "she's a drunk! She doesn't know what she's saying". But he's a mommy's boy and while most times he won't defend her, he just lets her horrible behavior slide because "she is really nice deep-down and she's had a hard life." I don't begrudge her for what she's had to deal with because she did have it rough, but to project it on me because you think I'm taking your beloved son away is outrageous. No wonder why her own daughter disowned her for years!!!

Serenla · August 2013

lia619 said:
@TallaB that is terrible!

My MIL is just judgey (is that a word?). DH is the youngest and her prized boy so of course I am not good enough. She keeps cutting out parenting articles and sending them to me because she thinks I'll be one of those hippy moms (her words)---sorry, your magazine articles aren't going to influence me. Also, she was disgusted that I want to get a running stroller for some reason. I thought that was funny.

That kind of behavior drives me nuts, I'm sorry you have to deal with it.

justright47 · August 2013

My mil is actually pretty nice, she just drives me nuts because I feel like her niceness is phony. She's a hoarder and always sends me weird things in the mail. When she came to visit awhile back she brought 3 boxes of SS's stuff that was left behind when he moved with his mother. Literally half of it was trash! She also lies a lot about weird stuff. She tells stories about her travels that you just know aren't real. And she always ends conversations with "I love you both!" Which is weird since I barely know her. I take the word love seriously. It could be worse but I'm dreading telling her as I don't want the extra attention OR visits.

tkseg09 · August 2013

My MIL thinks that she is a socialite of the town she lives in. She loves to keep up appearances, so she will act like she's the best MIL in the world in public or on facebook, but it's all an act. I don't think she said 3 words to me for the first year and half I was with her DS, and we were at her house fairly frequently because we met in college and he was commuting from home. We got engaged on a vacation and she was the first person we saw when we got back. She asked to see my ring, but never congratulated us or acted remotely excited until her friends were in town for the actual wedding (and we had a year and a half engagement). She didn't act like I was a part of her family until she found out I was pregnant with our DS. She would actually carry on a conversation with me at that point. She's extremely selfish. Her latest crappy move was actually this week on my birthday. I share a birthday with one of her grandsons, so typically I forfeit my birthday celebrations with my family so that we can attend my nephew's party. This year, nothing was mentioned about his party, so we decided we would just do something low-key. Her youngest son was leaving for college this week and for whatever reason, she decided at the last minute to throw a going away party for him. I'm sorry, but my BIL graduated over 13 weeks ago. They could have had his party at any point during that time. His dad works on the road, so they should have picked a day he could be there. Nope. She decided on Monday that it would be Tuesday (my birthday) and demanded that everyone be there. I told DH that I thought it was really selfish of her to do that and he went off on me because that's his own "flesh and blood" and he doesn't know when he'll see him again. He's not even that close with his brother. My hormones got the best of me and I told him I refused to go, I would be spending my birthday with our DS and the "flesh and blood" of his that's currently making me feel like crap. He eventually got what I was trying to say, went to his parents' house to tell his brother he couldn't make it, and then his mom went crazy on him. She said she knew it was my birthday, but it's his going away party. She told him that I was out of line for deciding I didn't want to come. Mind you, neither myself nor our DS was feeling well at all anyway. We were both on the couch asleep when he came home. The only actual acknowledgement of my birthday that I received from her was a gag-worthy facebook wall post. Her birthday is next week and I can guarantee you she's going to think the world should stop for her. She does every year, regardless of how she treats the rest of us.

tkseg09 · August 2013

Sorry for the length of that post... I'm still pretty upset and haven't vented to anyone about it besides DH.

Maymac18 · August 2013

This thread keeps me sane. My MIL is also from another country and I can never live up to her expectations. My husband is younger than me and when we met I already had a doctorate degree and he was finishing his bachelors. Needless to say, his mom and sister think I should spend all my hard earned money on their frivolous expenditures and can't believe I don't. ( Parties, trips, even for things they want to buy and don't have money for)I was raised to live a humble life and yes, I do make good money now, but I am choosing to save for retirement, build our home and go on a few if our own vacations. They see me as stingy and selfish with my money. I have school loans and my husband can't pay the bills by himself so I am constantly paying for our larger expenses. I also don't call her and invite her over enough and have stolen my husband away from them. It's a mess and I just want it all to go away!! When she finds out about this baby-- OMG she is going to try and live at my house!! Shoot me! :-<

strawberrytree · August 2013

I have a terrible MIL but she is terrible in a different way than most...she just ignores me. DH has always been the child she ignored while BIL can do no wrong (she has given him 2 houses and a car or two amongst other things...when DH was a kid he had to use his allowance to buy school supplies). Never mind that BIL is a total loser who can't keep a job and wakes and bakes every day. Did I mention he was a SAHD for most of the first 5 years of his son's life? But he totally only got high in one room of the house and his son wasn't allowed in that room, so it's okay.

Anyway, MIL ignores me pretty much all the time. The first time I met her she took her husband, BIL, his wife SIL, their son DNe, DH, and I out to dinner. It was a seat yourself type place...DH and I sat down at one table, she sat down at another with her husband, BIL, and SIL while they sat DNe, who was 3 at the time, at our table. Gee thanks. The only member of DH's family who talked to me (besides DH) was the 3 year old. That definitely set the tone. She has come to visit us 3 times since DS was born and each time, she has never said hello, asked how I was, or said thank you or goodbye to me. Not even the time they visited when DS was 10 days old. Oh except during that visit she did tell me I had a terrible singing voice while I was singing to my newborn and she berated me for wanting to check and make sure the mall my 10-day post partum ass was being dragged to had a room I could nurse the baby in, because when SHE had kids she would always nurse them on the couch when her parents came over to visit and didn't feel the need to hide. (I NIP all the time now and don't bother with baby care rooms, but holy ^&$! lady I had only been doing it for 10 days at that point and still needed to pretty much get topless every time! Give me a freaking break.) She has never wished me a happy birthday or a merry Christmas or shown any interest in me whatsoever. I am lucky that DH doesn't much care for her or the way she treats me either, so we haven't seen her since Dec 26 of last year. I would be very happy if I only had to see her a couple hours once a year.

However I will take my absent MIL any day of the week over a meddling bitch MIL!

TallaB · August 2013

Wow, we have some totally nasty MIL's in here!!

@MNeforos I highly recommend therapy to everyone! DH and I started going to couples counseling just after we got engaged. He's an only child, raised by a single Italian mom and we had issues from day 1. Counseling has been great! It has really helped DH learn boundaries and which behaviors weren't really appropriate (ie. you're cuddling on the couch with your fiance, and your mom comes and sits on the other side, and starts cuddling you, running her hand into your fiances hand as she strokes your hair...i almost threw up.) Unfortunately things have gotten worse after our engagement and then wedding. But, DH knows how to stand up for me and keep her at a distance when she's talking crap. She actually came to a session with us after we got married...oh, totally manipulative, lying, arguing with the therapist, avoiding answers...then stormed out. It will be awhile until we see her again. Can't wait to tell her we're pregnant!!

homediva · August 2013

I won't really get into my in law issues, but I will take a moment to warn y'all that if you think they are nuts now, wait til a baby comes into the picture. That is when the REAL CRAZY comes out.

SeattleMomma · August 2013

What a biotch!!!! Good thing you didn't marry her, so her approval isn't needed anyway. As long as your Husband puts her in her place just let her keep talking. She's gotta be stoked about the baby coming in April.

TallaB · August 2013

@SeattleMomma haha, i'm just glad she lives outta state! I'm think we'll tell her about the baby in...April...2020. We can keep it a secret til then, right???

jsoubel · August 2013

Yah, my MIL is phony-baloney nice, but is truly nasty, and she doesn't like me. When we told her and FIL that I was pregnant the first time she says to my husband, "You are going to be such a good father!" Then she turns to me and chokes out, "And you will be a good mother, you're so....so.....brainy". LOL. To her credit, I am not warm around them. They make me so mad for they way they treat my husband. I just put on my best Midwestern polite aloofness.

jgreig83 · August 2013

Haha...Thanks for posting this. I too saw the MIL thread and had to laugh at me posting anything in there.

I don't want to air dirty laundry that isn't mine to show, but will say this: My MIL didn't raise my DH,and has done a horrible job making up for her mistakes (which she likes to blame on DH). I feel protective over him and hate seeing him get let down constantly. She found out somehow we were KU and emailed me a congratulations a few days ago. Maybe she should have sent it to her son, or picked up the phone and talked to him.

Makes me so thankful for the amazing parents I have.

jlbergeron · August 2013

I am truly glad I am divorced and no longer have a MIL technically to deal with.

SO and I have known each other for 15 years or so and his mom has known me for the same. SO is actually my best friend's cousin. Regardless, she was calm when she found out I was pregnant. She had only found out the week before we were dating since I was finishing up my divorce and was trying to keep my relationship status hush hush until I was officially divorced. My ex husband cheated on me and it took me a while to muster up the strength to tell him to leave. M y marriage was over at least 6 months before I asked my ex husband to leave.

But SO's mom has stated that she wants a paternity test. That hurts my heart to know my character is being judged. I've never slept around in my entire life. SO knows it's his and told his mom if she wanted a paternity test, she could pay for it herself.

No crazy has come out just yet, but we haven't really seen one another since I started dating her DS.

Enami · August 2013

Serenla said:

@TallaB that is terrible! My MIL is just judgey (is that a word?). DH is the youngest and her prized boy so of course I am not good enough. She keeps cutting out parenting articles and sending them to me because she thinks I'll be one of those hippy moms (her words)---sorry, your magazine articles aren't going to influence me. Also, she was disgusted that I want to get a running stroller for some reason. I thought that was funny.
That kind of behavior drives me nuts, I'm sorry you have to deal with it.

My grandmother confessed her surprise at us not having a hippy wedding (only because we didn't want any old farts like her dying of heat stroke).

My MIL is just a peach. Not. She guilt trips her children into doing things for her, respects no boundaries we set, calls DH names, constantly tells me what's wrong with me, and thinks I'm damning her grandchildren to hell (because I'm not Christian and DS is not baptized). She had a "mid life crisis" during my first pregnancy and has some serious medical issues she isn't properly addressing. When describing the way she and her mother (DH grandmother) feel entitled to drop in and have access to our house, even when we aren't there, during one of our marriage counseling sessions, our councilor said "that type of mindset is standard for the older generation". My response was, "you don't understand, these women are 46 and 65". The couple we go to counseling with looked and each other and the wife said, "wow, that's our age". Needless to say, they have totally gotten on my side since then.

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