Toddler ? and 1st OB apt yesterday

mcgeeva · August 2013

So…my son has decided to start his terrible twos early. I’m not going to lie I don’t have a ton of time to read up on this so I am going to ask you ladies and yes..I know I could since I’m sitting here writing on the bump. Any who my DS is having crazy wicked tantrums (crying, kicking, screaming, and an occasional pat –hit) anytime I say no and to make it worse he wants to be help 99% of the time once I pick him up from daycare. Problem is I have to cook dinner, walk the dog etc and it’s hard to do all while holding someone. He will grab on to my legs and cry and scream until I pick him up. I have tried redirecting him to something of interest..doesn’t work. How can I get him to understand mommy can’t hold you all the time and two..should I start time out? <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

Yesterday I had my first OB apt with a doc that I really like, only problem is I left completely worried and freaked out. They told me I am high risk again due to the level of toxicity in my body from pre-e last time, having preterm labor and a partial placenta abruption. They said chances are very high it will come back and this time sooner. So now more tests, peeing in jugs now to test my urine, more u/s etc. Problem is there is no way to prevent pre-e from coming back. Two it worries the crap out of me of being on bedrest again especially now that I have my son. I know this is something I will not be able to tell my company because they will not be understanding this time and I fear it would be a good reason to find ways to get rid of me. I think without question if this does happen..they can tie my tubes when they do my csection. Aye…

TJ1979 · August 2013

I don't have much advice for the toddler question. E does the same thing after day care. I think it's because she's tired. I don't know if it will teach your child any lessons, but what about strapping him in a carrier while you walk the dog and do little things? Not cooking, you aren't supposed to baby wear while cooking. Or is he too big for that? I've been wearing E in my sling since my wrist surgery because I just can't hold onto her well enough and get anything done.
I'm very sorry you are high risk again. That sucks. Sending lots of T&P your way that everything turns out okay. Also, I'm pretty sure it's against the law for them to fire you for being pregnant. So as long as you don't give them any other reasons, hopefully your job will remain secure.
I know this is a lot to take in at once. Big hugs, and deep breaths.

CallMeAl · August 2013

My DD started her "terrible twos" when she was 10 months old, so I know how frustrating it can be. I got some great advice here about it, so I'll pass on what was said.

Give him lots of "transition warnings" and talk about what you are going to do. For example, "First, mama is going to hold you, then we are going to put our shoes on and walk the dog." Or "In two minutes (you can even set a timer that beeps) we are going to start cooking dinner."

Involve him as much as you can when you do things where he'd rather be held. For example, you can let him hold kitchen utensils and "help" you pour when you are cooking, or give him the leash to "hold" when you walk the dog.

Flex whenever you can, and just hang in there. There's a great book called Love & Logic that was a big help to me. I hope the docs are wrong and this pregnancy goes super smoothly!

mcgeeva · August 2013

Err just deleted what I typed haha. I dont have a sling but I do have a bjorn which he is too chunky in the midsection to fit into anymore. I have a push car I use to walk the dog but if he doesn't want to sit in it he wont let me strap him in or he will constantly put his feet on the side so you can't push him. I let him carry the leash but end up having to take it if he drops it too many times and freaks the dog out

CallMeal I will definitely try to walk him through (verbally) what we are doing more and see if that helps. I usually let him go crazy with our pots and pans or tubbawear drawer when im cooking if I can get him insterested. So i'm guessing timeout is pointless. I had a friend's friend tell me I should have my son in timeout already for a minute. I guess she has a 2 yr old and told me I say no to him too many times it means nothing. I know it's all learning but seriously how does a 1 yr old understand time out?

Yes I pray the docs are wrong this time around. Trying to cross my Ts and dot my Is while im at work in case.

CallMeAl · August 2013

OH I forgot about timeout. I started at about 18 months for 1 min, and we use it mostly as an "interruption" instead of punishment. We use it literally as "you need some time to calm down", so after a bad tantrum or an episode of hitting, I calmly take DD upstairs, put her in her bed, set a kitchen timer in her room for a minute, and leave. It works decently to distract her and resets her attitude. I don't think it necessarily deters her from another tantrum or hitting, but it de-escalates the situation, if that makes sense.

mcgeeva · August 2013

Callmeal that's a good idea! I will have to try that.

mdiblasi10 · August 2013

Hugs Momma! I love CallMeAl's advice.

Grayson does the same thing after daycare, on some days. He is very clingy to me and wants to be held. I try to remember that he hasn't seen me all day and those days he probably just needs more Momma time. I try to balance that time with dinner, chores, etc. I know it can be hard, but I try to remind myself that he won't be this little forever so sometimes those things can wait or be modified. It gives me a different perspective when I look at it that way

For the tantrums when we say "no" - I always explain why we can't do it or why he can't have what he wanted and never just say no. Talk things out with him. It helps their verbal skills and they will begin to understand why we do what we do. Good luck!

I hope this pregnancy goes smoothly for you! Sending good thoughts! I am curious too - I had pre-e around G's birth and had a magnesium drip for 24 hours after his delivery because of high bp. So is there a higher chance of pre-e after having it once? Just trying to be prepared for the future.

mcgeeva · August 2013

mdiblasi10 From what my doc said yesterday was there is no findings showing why some get it and others don't. But he said depending on the severity of pre-e and if it was accompanied by any other issues put it at a higher chance of happening. I'm not exactly sure why. He said if it was just pre-e you may not get it again but you never know. Sounds like you had the same things as me. My bp was 188 so they sent me straight to the hospital for c-section. Whole pregnancy I was seeing spots, at the end having the pains on your right side under your ribs and the protein in urine. Did you have all that lovelyness too? I think regardless when your pregnant again they will monitor you because if they are right and it comes sooner round two..I can't even imagine how much sooner.

ELF4321 · August 2013

On the toddler issue, I have no advice but DD has started throwing tantrums over everything lately and she's only 15 months. Yesterday I seriously just let her scream in the play room for 10 minutes straight while I cooked dinner at the stove.

mcgeeva · August 2013

Lol then ELF it must be the age they are in!

itsmevkb · August 2013

Definitely start time outs. I've started them right around 16-18 months with my kids and it works relatively well. I have them sit on the bottom stair until they have calmed down (so I don't use the whole minute per age thing). Once they are done crying/screaming/kicking or whatever they can get up. It's amazing how quickly they can calm down. I would keep trying redirection and lots of talking to him "Mommy can't hold you right now, I'm making dinner, can you help me and do such and such?" And then, "you need to calm down, do you need to sit on the stair to calm down?" and give him chances before actually walking him over to sit wherever. Oh, and we have some musical alphabet thing with magnets on the fridge that my kids will play with for a long time which lets me get stuff done in the kitchen. It gets better as they get older as well.

As for the whole pregnancy thing, I hope it goes a little smoother this time but I know pre-e can come back. I'll be hoping that doesn't happen. Firing a pregnant lady is like asking for a lawsuit but I know what you mean about them finding a way.

PennyLane26 · August 2013

(((hugs))) I hope this phase passes quickly!

Like @mdiblasi10 I am also wondering about your pre-e precautions. I had postpartum pre-e with a mag drip and was induced for high bp/protein in urine. I'll be interested to hear how all of your testing goes. Keep us updated, GL! Are they starting you on BP meds or are you already on them?

mcgeeva · August 2013

itsmevkb great suggestions! I will definitely try it! I just got him some little doggy magnets the other day but I will need to get the alphabets.

Nope my doctor said there is nothing you can do to prevent it not meds either. He said once it is detected the only thing they can do is put you on strict bedrest to keep bloodpressure down but he siad once you get protein in the urine it's almost automatic c-section. I will definitely keep you all posted. Should be intersting.

Mr. & Mrs. Woodtick · August 2013

Our little ones are about the exact same age and I am going through the exact same thing! Trying to cook dinner tonight was a nightmare with him hanging on my legs. I think @Callmeal had some great advice. My Pedi said that before 18 months they don't really understand discipline and time out, so we are counting the days! Sorry to hear about you being high risk again, T&Ps that things go smoothly.

imoverit · August 2013

My kiddo went through this phase. You have gotten some great advice. Hang in there. I hope this pregnancy will be very different for you.

mcgeeva · August 2013

Yes awesome advice. Started last night..so far so good so we shall see!

imoverit · August 2013

I read this article today about toddlers and tantrums and thought of you. HTH.
https://www.today.com/id/35086636/site/todayshow/ns/today-parenting_and_family/t/why-do-children-really-misbehave/?utm_source=Positive+Parenting+Solutions+Webinars+6&utm_campaign=75d6534e0b-Why-Misbehave_List5_DNA&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_0ae9909546-75d6534e0b-380351957#.UPa-SiqtNip

I know she talks about not doing time out but the way CallMeAl uses it would work.

mcgeeva · September 2013

imoverit said:

I read this article today about toddlers and tantrums and thought of you. HTH. https://www.today.com/id/35086636/site/todayshow/ns/today-parenting_and_family/t/why-do-children-really-misbehave/?utm_source=Positive+Parenting+Solutions+Webinars+6&utm_campaign=75d6534e0b-Why-Misbehave_List5_DNA&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_0ae9909546-75d6534e0b-380351957#.UPa-SiqtNip I know she talks about not doing time out but the way CallMeAl uses it would work.

Sounds good I will definitely check it out!

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