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Question about adoption

flieswithdragonsflieswithdragons member
in Adoption
I'm 9 weeks pregnant right now and things are becoming very clear to me that the father isn't father meterial and i am starting to think that i'm not mother meterial either and i don't think i will be able to make ends meet for the baby so i'm starting to thin k about adoption. i know i am early on so my question is will agencys still talk to me if i am so early? i don't think i am ready yet to look at parents or make official plans yet but still i am very early on in my pregnancy so even in a few weeks when i am ready would they want to talk to me? what happens if i were to change my mind after picking parents, could they still take the baby anyways?
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Re: Question about adoption

  • Dr.LorettaDr.Loretta member

    Yes, an agency will still talk to you. Early conversations are going to be more like why you are considering adoption, what kind of resources you need, that sort of thing. An ethical agency will help you look at ALL of your options, whether it's parenting or making an adoption plan. A lot of agencies won't be asking you to choose a family until much later on.

    Not sure about that last question. Do you mean could you pick parents, then pick another set of parents later on? If that's your question, you won't continue to be presented with families. But if something happened and you didn't feel comfortable with who you picked, you could talk to an agency and tell them it wasn't feeling right. They could help you decide if they were someone to stick with, or if you should look at other families.

    I think a lot of your questions will be answered with a call/visit to an agency. They can walk you through the process and help you decide if that's what you want to do.

    GL

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  • arbutusbridearbutusbride member
    Talk to your OB/GYN to she if he/she has any recommendations for agencies.  Nobody can make you do what you don't want to do. It is your baby and you choose what is best for your situation. 

    Our agency, in Oregon, is an all options counseling agency. They will talk to you regardless of whether you want to make an adoption plan.  I don't know where you live but here is their number 1-877-932-2734.  I'm sure they would talk to you and answer questions you may have. If they ask, say you are considering a move to Oregon and wanted to research your options. 

    Pursing Domestic Infant Adoption through a local agency. In the meantime, our dog is our baby.  Bumping from Portland, Oregon. 
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  • maryoosamaryoosa member
    Your baby is legally yours until you sign a voluntary termination of parental rights. Agencies will talk to you now- and as others have said, an ethical agency will offer you serious counseling, at no cost to you, which will help you determine the resources available to you if you want to parent. If you chose not to parent, they will guide you through a matching and placement process with an adoptive family.

     Even if you decide to make an adoption plan during your pregnancy, know that once the baby is born you essentially have to re-make that decision. If you change your mind during the period before you give birth, either about the family you have chosen, or about the adoption plan entirely, an agency can NOT still take your baby. If you change your mind after you give birth, and before you sign paperwork, an agency can NOT take your baby. If you change your mind after you place your child with a family, depending on the state, there are still actions you can take to revoke your consent to the adoption and have the child returned to your custody. Expectant parents that work with ethical agencies are often well protected legally, with separate legal representation and without pressure to place from the agency they are working with.

    Two agencies that I know offer significant counseling to expectant moms are:

    Adoption Star -they work in Ohio, Florida and New York
    and Spence Chapin- they work in New York.

    If you google either, you will find their websites and folks you can talk to as you begin to consider your decisions.

    Good luck in whatever choices you make!
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
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  • CarolinaGirl2014CarolinaGirl2014 member
    When I was about as far along as you were I contacted a pregnancy crisis center. They can help you make your decision and provide support. If you really do want to raise the baby, the center can help you with living situations, job placement, and things the baby will need. So i would say to not let money be the only reason you give the baby up. For me, it was also just not being ready to parent on my own. I did wait a long time to talk to the agency because I was in denial of the situation and so afraid but after I took the step I wished I had done it before. Most adoption agencies have counselors just to talk with you, and many have been birth moms as well so they know what you're going through. I didn't have the best first experience ever with my agency, but I still felt so much better after talking to them and they have been amazing since. They won't force you to make plans or pick a family until you are ready. I'm 20 weeks along and they still only offered it as an option since I am very much set on adoption. Welcome to the forum- it has been a great source of support for me. Feel free to PM me with any questions as well!
    Birthmom to A, 1/8- the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

    A Journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. -Lao-Tzu

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